I've been a Backstreet Boys fan for 2 years now, ever since I heard
"We've got it goin on" from their first album I got hooked. It didn't
hurt when I saw the video for the first time, and discovered that they
were pretty cute too. But only one guy caught my eye and made my jaw
drop. Brian Littrell.
Let me say a few things about me first, my name is Darren and I am 18
years old, about 5'10, Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes, 160 pounds with a 8 and a
half inch uncut dick. I constantly have girls hitting on me at school,
there is just one problem. I'm gay.
I've known I was different for as long as I could remember, even as a
kid I would play games with other boys in which we showed our tiny
pre-pubescent cocks to each other. I had sex for the first time when I
was 15 with a friend from school, and we ended up dating for a few
months but sadly it didn't work out. I've had a few relationships
throughout high school, but nothing lasting more then a few months. But
hey, I'm 18, as much as I would like to fall madly in love for the rest
of my life, realistically I know that at this age that is unlikely. So I
just go with the flow and see what happens.
So for the last two years I've been drooling over "B-Rok." I even saw
them on their small Canadian Tour last year, and none of the girls there
screamed louder then I did!!! While my female friends (and some of the
guys) drooled over Nick, I had a passion for Bryan, decorating my room
with posters of only him, and pausing that one shot in "Quit Playing
Games with my Heart" where he jumps up and his shirt flies up. When
Kevin, Howie and AJ are all dancing around half-naked, I'm trying to
resist kicking the screen out of frustration that I can't see the body
of the Backstreet Boy I really want, Brian.
When our local radio station announced that the Backstreet Boys were
doing a major arena tour coming to my city, I pulled some strings and
got second row seats. But then the paper and radio station announced a
contest the grand prize was 2 backstage passes to meet the boys.
Although I knew I was hoping against hope, I filled out the entry form
and sent it in, keeping my fingers crossed.
Finally the day came 2 weeks before the concert when they made the draw
live on the radio for the backstage passes. I sat by the radio sweating
with anticipation.. They announced that they had received over one
thousand entries. My heart sank. I figured maybe a few hundred and even
then my chances would be slim. But a thousand?? "Yeah right buddy. In
your dreams." I thought to myself. Still part of me clung to the hope
that I would get to meet my dream man.
"Drumroll please!!!" Said Carter Pepper, the local DJ making the draw.
"This is so exciting. Someone is going to be very happy." Said his
co-host Christina Rhodes.
"Ok, I have the winners name in my hand. It's right here in front of me.
We have a winner." Carter announced
"Well, who is it??" Said Christina
"Hold on, hold on. Let me draw this out. Ladies and Gentlemen, one
person in this entire city is going with a friend to meet Brian, Howie,
AJ, Kevin and Nick backstage at the concert. One person will get
autographs and get to spend time with the band. One person is going to
be hated by the 15,000+ people at the concert."
"DAMMIT JUST SAY THE NAME!!!!" I yelled at the radio!!
"The winner of those backstage passes is none other then the one, the
only, DARREN CLARK!!!!"
My Jaw dropped and my heart leaped into my throat. Did they just say
what I think they said???
"Darren Clark?" Christina said
"Yes, the name of the winner is Darren Clark, let's give him a call and
see if he's home."
At first I thought there had to be another Darren Clark in the city who
had won. No way was I the winner. I had hoped and prayed, but
realistically had tried to avoid setting myself up for heartbreak. Now
they just said my name, and I didn't want to be upset when they called
someone else then the phone rang.
"Um, hello?"
"Hello is Darren there?"
"This is him."
"Hi Darren this is Carter Pepper and Christina Rhodes from "Todays Top
40" Pop107 calling."
"Um, hi."
"Darren are you sitting down?"
"I am now I fell down when I was listening to the radio."
"Well then I guess I don't need to tell you that you and a friend are
meeting the Backstreet Boys at their concert!!!"
At that point I screamed. I know, it sounds foolish at 18 years old, but
I screamed. I screamed loud. I think Carter might have gone deaf, but I
didn't care. I was going to meet Brian.
"Ok buddy, Calm down."
"AAAAHHHHHHH"
"Well someone is a little excited" said Christina.
"I'd say so" said Carter. "Darren, stay on the line, we are going to get
your info from you and tell you how to get your passes. Congratulations
Buddy!"
"Thankyou, Thankyou Thankyou" was all I could say before they put me on
hold. At that point a voice came on the line.
"Darren, you still there bud?"
"I am."
"Ok, you need to come by the studio by tomorrow at 5pm to claim your
passes. You have to sign a waiver and bring ID. This pass is
non-transferable. You have to be one of the two people to go in back and
ID will be required. You got that?"
"I do."
"Great. Come to the desk at the station and we'll get you set."
He then gave me the stations address and we hung up. Immediately my
phone rang. I answered to hysterical screaming. It was my friend Sandra,
who was going to the concert with me. After I assured her that yes, she
would be the one I was taking we hung up and I finally got to collect my
thoughts. I was going to meet Brian. I was going to shake his hand.
Although I suspected he was gay, I figured it was wishful thinking. I
was going to be content just to meet him, then go home and jerk myself
into oblivion.
So I got my passes, and all the girls at school who were going to the
show literally begged me to take them. But I was determined that I was
going to take only Sandra. This got a lot of hateful glares but I didn't
care. I was in my own little world for 2 weeks.
Now, the passes entitled Sandra and I to go backstage before the show,
meet the guys, get autographs, etc. Wether or not we got to go in back
afterwards depended on how the guys felt after the show.
Now, by this age I am very much "out". I even have a "Nobody knows I'm
gay" T-shirt. On a off chance that my suspicions were right, I wore it
under a zip-up Short-sleeved vest. I wore a nice pair of tight black
jeans that were also comfortable. I picked up Sandra in my car. She was
wearing a Backstreet Boys T-shirt she bought at the first concert we
went too, and a pair of blue-jeans. All she talked about on the way to
the concert was Nick Carter. Nick this, Nick is so cute, Nick is such a
great dancer If I didn't feel the same way about Brian I probably would
have been willing to kill her to shut her up J Finally we got to the
arena.
We walked up to the gates and showed our passes. The gaurd then asked me
for ID. I showed him my drivers license. He checked a list, then waved
us through.
We met up at the door with a guide, who asked our names and then took us
to a waiting room. He told us that The boys were currently wrapping up a
media session and would then go to the adjoining room where we could
meet them. We could only get autographs and say hi, as they had to warm
up for the show. However if the boys felt up to it after the show, we
could come in back for more detailed, intimate time with them. I
shuddered at the thought. To actually spend time with Brian
Finally we were ushered into the next room, and there they were. The 5
boys looked great, sitting in a row at a table, Kevin, AJ, Howie, Nick,
and at the end, Brian. I had to resist the urge to run right to Brian
and instead went up to Kevin, who offered me his hand. We chatted
briefly, the typical "Pleased to meet you" stuff. He then signed my
poster and we moved down the group, shaking each guys hand, and getting
the autograph. When Sandra finally met Nick she raved about how much she
loved him, so he signed her poster "All my love, Nick" and kissed her on
the cheek. She nearly fainted. Finally I was about to go over to Brian.
It was then that I did something unbelievably gutsy. I un-zipped my vest
just enough that the words "ows I'm ga" showed. I figured if he read it
he would get the picture. I turned and looked at him in all his glory.
The pictures, seeing him in concert didn't do him justice. He was so
unbelievably gorgeous and I was face to face with him.
"Hi there." He said, his accent driving me wild and starting a stirring
in my groin. He offered me his hand. I shook it, speechless. He looked
me up and down, I think. Did he?? Oh god, I must be imagining things.
Then he paused when he saw what showed of my T-shirt. He grinned and
signed the Poster. He looked at me, his beautiful blue eyes sparkling.
"How about a sign your ticket too?"
I stared at him dumbstruck then handed over my ticket. He scrawled
something on it and handed it back to me. I didn't even get to look at
it to see what it said before the guide was ushering Sandra and I out
the door. "Enjoy the show" Brian called out as the door closed.
The guide took us to our front row seats (They came with the passes so
we had sold our tickets to friends). Sandra was bubbling about Nick, but
I was looking at the ticket. On it, scrawled in black ink:
"Your really cute. Call me tonight. Hotel Palisade. 555-1900. Room 201.
I'll be waiting. Brian."
My heart had stopped beating. The screaming crowd around me faded into
nothing. I just stood there in awe as the opening act took the stage.
Sandra was to enthralled with the show to see I was lost in my won
little world. He had actually written this on my ticket. Brian wanted me
to call him. Brian thought I was cute. They guy I had fantasized about
for 2 years, who had been the reason for many a wet dream and even more
hot jerk-off sessions, thought I was cute. I fell down in my chair. It
was at that point that Sandra realized something was up. She bent over
and yelled something. I just sat there looking at the ticket. She bent
down, grabbed the ticket, and read it. Her eyes widened, then she
screamed. That broke my trance. She looked at me stunned then hugged me
and whispered in my ear "You BETTER fucking call him!" I was to stunned
to speak, so I just nodded.
After the opening act and a brief intermission, the lights dimmed. I
finally broke out of my trance as "Get down" started and the boys took
the stage as the fans erupted. Brian noticed me right away and smiled. I
stood and danced and sang along as they grooved along the stage. Nick
stood at the far end of the stage to sing his part, while Brian walked
right up in front of Sandra and I.
"I feel in heaven when I look in your eyes, I know that you are the one
for me." Brian sang, pointing at Sandra and I, but looking at me. "You
drive me crazy cause your one of a kind, I want your lovin and I want it
right now!!!"
Sandra of course realized this and screamed as she hugged me. She knew I
had a crush on Brian and was almost as happy as I was that my fantasy
was possibly going to come true.
Finally 2 hours later the concert ended and the Backstreet Boys took
their final bow. Brian had spent a lot of time near us, and kept making
eye contact with me. The lights came up to a loud chorus of boos. Sandra
and I walked to where the guide was waiting for us.
"Brian and Nick say they are willing to talk to you. AJ and Howie and
Kevin send their regards but say they are tired and want to get to the
hotel."
"No problem" I said. That meant that those 3 couldn't interrupt private
time with Brian.
Sandra and I went into the same room, where Nick and Brian were waiting.
Sandra went up and hugged Nick, who hugged her back. Brian shook my
hand, but seemed to linger holding it.
"Great Show."
"Thanks Darren. I'm glad you enjoyed it."
"Oh my god, he knows my name." I thought.
"It's ok Pete, were fine alone." Brian told the guide, who nodded and
walked out the door.
Nick and Sandra went and started talking in the corner, Sandra actually
calm. Brian meanwhile opened another door and ushered me through.
"If you enjoyed that show, I'll give you a better one if you call me
tonight."
"uhhhhh." Was my only response. Then he leaned forward, grabbed my head,
and kissed me square on the lips. It was quick, but it was electric. I
stood there stunned as he went into the other room where Nick was
getting Sandra's e-mail address.
"It was a pleasure meeting you guys, but the car is going, so Nick and I
have to take off." Brian said.
"Ok" I managed to gasp out.
"I'll e-mail you Sandra" Nick said as they walked out the door.
Immediately Sandra turned to me.
"What happened!?!?!?!"
"He kissed me."
Another scream by Sandra. She seems to get excited about this.
"Your going to call him, right?!?!?!"
"Yes."
"Good, then take me home so you can get on with the important part of
your evening."
So I dropped Sandra off and went home. I picked up the phone and stood
there holding it for a few seconds, actually trying to get up the nerve
to dial the number I had already memorized. Finally the phone started
that annoying off-the-hook noise and broke my trance. I hung up and
dialed.
"Good Evening, Hotel Pallisade, how may I direct your call?"
"Room 201 please."
"The name of who you are calling?"
"Brian."
There was a pause and I thought maybe she was going to tell me that she
wouldn't send me through
"Hold while I connect you."
Even tho it was two rings before a answer, it felt like a year. I
recognized Brian's voice right away.
"Hello?"
"Hi, um Brian."
"Darren?"
"Yeah."
"Great. I was worried maybe you weren't going to call."
"Are you kidding. I've thought about this moment for years, never
thinking it would actually."
I stopped talking. I was choked up.
"It's ok. I'm sure you didn't think anything like this would ever happen
to youbut when I saw you I was stunned. It was instant attraction..
Then when I saw the part of your T-shirt I knew you were gay and just
went with my gut.. I haven't done anything like this before, because
it's a risk to my career and my agent says I have to keep up this
straight image for the girls but for some reason I think I can trust
you."
"You can." I managed to say.
" That's what I thought. Look, can I come by and pick you up? I really
want to talk to you some more in person."
"Yes. Of course.." I gave him my address and hung up, then fell on my
bed. Brian was coming to pick me up. It seemed like hours before finally
there was a knock on my front door. My parents were asleep so I snuck to
the front door, opened it, walked out and was greeted with a warm hug by
Brian. He took my hand without saying a word and walked me to a waiting
limo.
Brian held open the door for me, then followed me in. The moment the
door closed the driver started driving to a obviously pre-determined
destination. Brian put his arm around me and I rested my head on his
shoulder.
"I am so lucky to have met you tonight. It's fate you won that contest.
Usually the passes go to two 13 year old girls who end up crying.
Sandra's nice, Nick talked about her a lot on the way back to the hotel.
All I could think about was you."
"I don't know what to say Brian. I've had a crush on you for so long,
now to actually be here in a limo. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up any
second."
"Don't worry, your not dreaming."
"I hope not."
So we talked for a few hours, just driving around. He had known he was
gay for four years, but had remained closeted, and he was thankful for
that now that he was famous. "Otherwise it would have come out in the
tabloids." He had secretly dated a few guys, including one for 2 years.
But the relationship went bad when the guy couldn't handle Brian's fame
and touring schedule so he left Brian for another man.
"It was a very difficult period in my life. I fell for him, and it hurt
me that he left. But I'm ok now. I am really, really ok now." He said,
smiling at me. He then leaned forward and kissed me. Not a quick one
this time but a slow, passionate kiss. He slipped his tongue into my
mouth and swirled it around with mine. After what seemed like a eternity
he reluctantly broke the kiss.
"You're a good kisser." He said. I could only mumble in response. Then
the Limo stopped.
"Well, I guess times up."
"What do you mean?"
"I told the driver to go around in circles for a few hours, then come
back to your place."
My heart broke. Here I was with the man of my dreams and he was dropping
me off just as things were getting good.
"Unless of course, you'd like to stay at the hotel with me."
"You didn't really have to ask that. I think you know the answer."
"I did, but I didn't want to offend you by taking you right to the
hotel."
"You couldn't offend me" I said, leaning forward and kissing him again.
He broke off the kiss and picked up the phone.
"Take us to the hotel please."
With that the car started and we were off to a night that my wildest
fantasies couldn't compare to
We just sat in the car holding each other the whole way to the hotel.
The car stopped and the driver opened the door. We got up and quickly
went into the deserted hotel lobby. We moved quickly as the receptionist
was not at the desk and got in the elevator.
"Think they have a camera in these things??" he asked.
"I doubt it."
"Good." Brian said, pushing me against the wall and kissing me. By now
my dick was so hard it hurt and I could feel his dick pressed against
mineand it felt big!! We parted just as the elevator signaled the floor
and walked into a hallway that was blocked off at both ends.
"This floor is strictly for us" said Brian. "We all have our own rooms."
With that he swiped his hotel card key and we entered a huge room with a
King-Sized bed, fireplace with a fire already lit, a wet bar and a great
view of the city. I walked over to the window and looked out at the sea
of lights.
"That is beautiful" I said.
"So are you" Brian said, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms
around me. He slowly began kissing my neck, and I could feel his
erection pressing against my butt. He reached forward and unzipped my
vest, sliding it off my shoulders. I turned around and met his lips with
mine. I closed my eyes and was swept away in the passion that I felt at
that moment. Brian pulled away and took my hand. He took me over to the
bed and sat on it. He helped me pull off my shirt and looked at my
upper-torso. He grinned at me, making me melt, then proceeded to gently
tongue and nibble my hard nipple. I moaned with pleasure as he moved on
to my other nipple. After giving them each quite a few minutes of
attention he began to kiss his way down my chest and stomach. He reached
my belt and undid it, sliding my pants down to my ankles. He looked at
the large tent in my boxers, the front so soaked with pre-cum it looked
like I had already shot my load. He then pulled down my boxers and my
cock sprang free.
"Wow. It's beautiful" he said and I blushed. He bent forward and slowly
licked pre-cum off of the exposed tip. A shiver ran up my spine. He ran
his tongue underneath my foreskin and cleaned up the precum from all
around the head He then looked up at me, his eyes sparkling and driving
me wild. He began to slowly slide his head down my long cock, taking
every inch of it. He was obviously a expert cock-sucker, as next thing I
knew his nose was buried in my pubes. He paused there, allowing himself
to adjust his jaw to the length and girth of my dick.. I was still
waiting to wake up, because part of me kept yelling in my mind "your not
being given a blowjob by Brian. This is all a dream." But it wasn't. It
was Brian's warm mouth sliding up and down my cock. He began to play
with my balls, which were tightening as I felt a familiar tingling in
them. This was so hot I knew I wasn't going to last much longer before I
shot. He began to suck faster as my balls got closer and closer to my
spit-slicked cock.. Finally I could hold back no longer.
"Brian, I'm cumming." I cried out. Brian only grunted and slid back so
that the first shot landed right on his tongue. I shot like I never had
before. I didn't know I had so much cum in my balls. Brian tried to take
it all but couldn't, finally withdrawing and jerking the last few shots
onto his face.
Brian gently turned me around and sat me on the bed, then took of his
shirt. Finally I could see the body that had been hiding in all those
videos. I don't know why he hid it and I never did ask him, because it
was all muscle. Nice, smooth chest and a six-pack. He used his shirt to
wipe the cum off his face and smiled at me.
"You taste great."
"Yeah well, let's see how you taste" I said, grabbing his belt and
undoing it. He just looked down at me while a Pulled down his pants and
boxers in one move. Before me was the most amazing cock I had ever seen.
It was cut, with a big, purple mushroom head on it. I couldn't get my
hand around it it was so thick, and had to be at least as big as mine.
"You like it?" he asked, worriedly.
I responded by sliding the head into my mouth. Now, I know how to suck
cock, and have done it before, but I have never had anything this thick
in my mouth before, so there was no way I was going to get it all the
way down as much as I wished I could. So I worked over the head with my
tongue as he moaned in approval. Surprisingly my cock was springing back
to hits full height again. I sucked Brian for a few minutes before he
pulled my head off his dick and leaned over and kissed me.
"Let's see if your dick is as good in my ass as it was in my mouth" he
said. That stunned me. I figured that we would suck each other and jerk
off, but I didn't think of anal. Even if I had I had assumed Brian was a
top. But he wanted me to fuck him!!! I could only nod, so Brian reached
into the nightstand and brought out a bottle of lubricant and a condom.
"Go as hard or fast as you need, I can handle you" he whispered as he
applied some lubricant into the condom and then rolled it down my hard
dick. He then squirted more lube on the condom and stroked me to get it
properly lubed up. Then he laid on his back on the bed and spread his
legs.
"I want to kiss you while you do this, and I want to cum between us" he
said.
I bent over and kissed him, then hiked his legs up on my shoulders. I
pressed the head of my dick against his asshole and pushed. He groaned
as the head broke through the ring. I stopped, worried.
"No, keep going. It's been a while but it feels good" he said. So I
began to slowly slide my cock in and before I knew it my balls were
resting against his smooth ass. I leaned over and began to kiss him as I
slowly slid my dick in and out of his ass. He groaned with pleasure as I
nibbled on his neck. I found my rhythm and began to fuck him faster,
causing him to cry out orgasmically. Next thing I knew something wet and
sticky landed on my chest. Another splatter hit me in the stomach and I
realized he was cumming! This caused his sphincter to tighten, making me
lose it. My cock swelled up and then began to fill the tip of the condom
with another big load of cum. We gasped as our orgasms subsided and my
softening cock slipped out of his stretched hole. He kissed me again,
then grabbed some tissue and began to slowly clean the cum off of my
body, then his. I stopped him, and licked up the last few drops.
"Yummy" I said. He kissed me again, and tasted some of his cum that was
still on my tongue.
"Yeah, but not as tasty as yours" he said. He gently unrolled the condom
from my cock, tied it up, and tossed it into the garbage. He kissed me
again and I laid my head on his muscular chest. He played with my hair
for a bit, and next thing I knew I was asleep in Brian's arms.
I woke up the next morning to Brian's soft breathing. I listened to his
heart beat, thankful that his heart was ok, after his operation. I also
noticed that even in his sleep Brian was making a tent under the covers.
Deciding Brian needed a nice wake-up call, I peeled back the sheets and
looked down on his perfect cock. I slid my head down and gently licked
the shaft. Brian didn't stir. Determined to wake my beautiful Backstreet
Boy, I wrapped my lips around the head of his dick and began working my
tongue on it. Brian stirred, a soft moan escaping his lips. I began to
slowly slide my head down the shaft until I felt the head hit the back
of my throat. Steeling myself for the intrusion of his big cock, I began
to push his cock farther into my throat, trying hard not to gag. Brian
moaned even louder, and began to stroke my hair, signifying he was
awake. Finally I was able to rest my nose in on his balls. I was having
difficulty breathing however, so I pulled back and began to jerk his
cock into my mouth while I worked over the head with my tongue. Brian
began to breath faster and it didn't take long before he let out a groan
and his seed blasted into my mouth and down my throat. I was able to
swallow it all. I pulled off, looked up and smiled at Brian.
"Well, that way nice way to wake up." Brian said, his eyes sparkling.
"Well, I wanted to give you a morning to remember as much as I will
remember last night."
"Well, why don't I give you a morning to remember too then??" he asked,
grabbing my hand and leading me into the bathroom. I let out a gasp at
the sight of the heart-shaped hot-tub.
"I usually use this to soak in after a concert -- all the hotels we stay
in have them. But now I'll use it for something better." Brian kissed
me, then sat me in the edge of the hot tub and began to nibble and lick
the shaft of my cock. He licked my balls, working them over for nearly a
minute as I writhed around on the edge of the hot tub. He moved up and
licked all the way up and down my shaft and ran his tongue around the
head. I was in ecstacy but there was something I needed. Something I
wanted.
"Brian, fuck me" I said.
Brian stopped working over my cock to look up at me with concern.
"You sure?? It's pretty big, I don't want to hurt you."
My heart (and dick) swelled knowing he cared enough about me to be
worried, but even though I knew it was going to be difficult at first, I
needed Brian up my ass in order to feel truly complete and finish my
fantasy.
"Yes, Brian. Go slow, let me get adjusted, but I can take it."
"Ok." Brian said. He ran out of the room and came back with lube and
condoms, his once-again hard cock bouncing around and slapping against
his stomach. I sat on the edge of the hot-tub and jerked him off,
getting him completely hard while he tore open the condom packet. He
helped him stretch the latex down over his cock and smeared the condom
with a healthy amount of lube. I then climbed into the tub, stuck my ass
in the air and braced myself against the edge of the tub. Brian stepped
into the tub behind me and pressed his cock-head against my love canal.
"Ok, Brian, push it in," I said.
I heard Brian grunt and felt a moment of intense pain as he pushed the
head of his thick cock into my ass. I must have yelped without realizing
it because he stopped short.
"You sure your ok???" he asked, the concern in his voice very evident.
"Yeah, just keep going slow." I replied.
I tried to relax as more and more of this thick cock slid unto my guts.
I felt him hit my prostate and the pain began to be replaced by a
intense feeling of pleasure. Finally I felt his balls rest against my
ass. Brian paused, breathing heavy and allowing me to get adjusted to
the feeling of his massive intruder. He kissed the back of my neck
gently.
"Ok, I'm ready." I said
Brian withdrew his cock until just the head was in me, then slammed it
back home. He repeated this until he got a strong rhythm going. I was in
absolute heaven. Any pain that there was in the beginning giving away to
pure physical pleasure. I felt Brian reach under me and grasp my cock,
jerking it to match the pace off his dick ramming me. I nearly blacked
out from the pleasure as I felt a really intense orgasm build in my
balls. Brian was breathing a lot faster and I knew he didn't have long
until he would shoot. Finally I could hold back no more and let out a
cry as my cock began shooting long strings of cum into the water below
me. Brian pulled out his cock and a I sat down in the tub. He ripped off
the condom and together we jerked him until he shot all over my face and
chest. He collapsed into the water across from me and I turned around
and sat between his legs. My head resting on his chest. He kissed the
back of my neck.
"Come to the next show with me," Brian said, finally catching his breath.
"What???" I said.
"We have a show tonight in a city 3 hours away. We are leaving at 1, I
want you to ride in the bus with me."
"But I have to work tonight and--" I said stupidly, actually close to
turning down his offer.
"Call in sick. I want to be with you Darren, I want you to be in the
front row when I perform, you give me a extra push and I want to get
closer to you."
I didn't even really need to think about it. Here was the man of my
dreams asking me to tour with him, to go to the next show, to be his
guest, I wasn't going to turn him down!
"Ok, Brian. I'll come with you." I said.
"Thank you" Brian said, turning my head and kissing me..a kiss that was
sadly cut short by a knock on the door.
"Shit" Brian muttered, getting out of the hot-tub and wrapping a towel
around his waist. Brian left the bathroom and answered the door.
"Yo, Brian, your late for Breakfast man." I heard Kevin's voice at the
door.
"Sorry man, I've been kind of tied up" Brian replied.
"Tied up???" Kevin asked. "As in what???"
"Don't worry about it," Brian said.
"Wait, you didn't again."
"I'll be down in a few Kevin, just let me get dressed." Brian said, a
second later I heard the door close. I sat in the hot tub trying to
figure out exactly what Kevin was talking about when Brian came in and
kissed me.
"Get dressed, let's go get some breakfast." He said.
"Ok." I said, not realizing at first that it would be with all the guys.
We got dressed and went across the hall to a room that had been changed
into a dining-area. A large buffet-style setup was on one table, and the
other 4 guys were sitting at another table eating. They all paused as
Brian and I walked into the room.
"Hey guys, y'all remember Darren from the show last night." Brian said
nervously.
"Yeah, we do." Was the only thing said, by Kevin, giving me a look I
really didn't like.
"He's coming on the bus and goin to the next show with me" Brian said.
"I see." Was all Kevin had to say, the other 3 remaining quiet and just
watching. Suddenly I felt very uncomfortable.
"I think you and I should go have a few words Brian" Kevin said,
standing up. "Let's go into my room."
This was not going well, there was definatly something up.
"Maybe I should go--" I started.
"No, It's ok, come and eat" Nick said, speaking for the first time.
Brian just nodded in agreement.
"Help yourself Darren, I'll be right back." With that he and Kevin left
the room. I went over to the fruit tray and took a bunch of slices of
melon and other assorted stuff and sat down next to Nick. Howie, AJ and
Nick all sort of looked at me strangely for a second.
"Is something wrong??" I asked????
Nick, Howie and AJ glanced nervously at each other.
"He's gotta know guys, he seems like a nice kid." AJ said.
I got a knot in my stomach what did I "gotta know??" What was up??? I
gulped in some air and spoke.
"If something is up, I think I should know." I said.
"It's like this," AJ said. "Brian, he's one of my brothers and I love
him, but your not exactly the first guy he's picked up."
My heart plummeted into my stomach.
"Brian has a tendency to pick up a different guy every night." AJ said,
looking upset that he had to break the news.
"He told me he told.." I stopped. The lump in my throat wouldn't let me
speak.
"He told you he's had to protect his image and he's only had 2
relationships and didn't pick guys up." AJ said. I looked at him
stunned.
"He uses that line a lot, and it's true. He's had 2 relationships with
guys, and our management doesn't particularly like him fucking around
like this, especially with guys, but they can't control him. He does
what he wants."
I felt my eyes start to fill with tears, which I blinked back.
"This is the first time he's wanted to bring a trick to the next show
you must have been good" Howie said, before immediately realizing that
it was the wrong thing to say. I stood up and walked away from the
table.
"Darren, wait" Howie said, but I ignored him. I walked out the door
towards Brian's room. I walked past what was probably Kevin's room and
heard rather loud speaking, but I didn't care. My heart was in pieces,
and I just wanted to get the hell out of the hotel. Brian had used me,
and I was so blind that I couldn't see it. I heard a door open behind
me
"Hey Darren, what are you doin out here???" I heard Brian say. I just
ignored him and walked into this hotel room. Brian followed and put his
hand on my shoulder. I jerked out from under it. I felt Brian stop.
"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly. I ignored him and began gathering up
my stuff.
"Dammit Darrin, talk to me!!!!" Brian said, stepping in front of me and
seeing the tears I had been trying so hard not to let go begin to flow
down my face like a river. "Why are you crying??? What happened?" Brian
asked.
"Fuck you" I said, the fury strong in my voice. Brian looked like he had
been slapped. He tried to grab me, but I shoved him off.
"You keep your fucking hands off me!!!" I yelled, no longer able to
contain my hurt and embarassment.
"What?? What did I do Darren???" Brian pleaded, his own eyes starting to
well up with tears.
"You lied to me. You fucking lied to me about everything so you could
get me in bed!" I accused. Brian sat there stunned, and I turned away
from him.
"I don't understand Darren why are you saying this???" Something in his
voice made me stop and for a moment my heart twitched. But then the last
few minutes flooded back to me and any feeling I had quickly dissipated.
"You told me you didn't pick up guys. You told me you were totally
closeted. You lied to me."
"Why would you think that???"
"AJ told me everything Brian. A different guy every night??? And I was
just another fuck I guess I must have been good if you wanted me to
come with you. Or were you going to leave me there when you found some
other cute guy to screw?!?!?!"
Brian's face registered a thousand different emotions at once. confusion
understanding, and then anger.
"fuck." He said quietly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Have you been busted?? Your not going to get to fuck me
again because I was told the truth?!?!?!" I turned away and once again
tried to leave.
"Darren, don't go. I love you." I barely heard it, but I did. I tried to
pretend I didn't, but I couldn't force myself to keep walking. I wanted
too, but I couldn't. I felt Brian come up behind me.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Brian said.
"Sorry for what? Because you hurt me? You used me? Or because your
losing a fuck. Because I wouldn't worry Brian, you're famous, you could
get any guy you wanted."
"I don't want any other guys, I want you." He said behind me, still not
touching me.
"I wish I could believe you Brian."
"I'm sorry. Originally I picked you up for sex. But I felt something
different about you Darren. I wouldn't have driven around for hours in
the limo unless I wanted to know you."
"I'm sure you say that to everyone."
"No, I don't. Anyone else I ever fucked, I just picked up, I didn't even
bother to know there name. They were made clear from the beginning that
it would be a one time thing, and that they were not to go public or
there would be problems I didn't do that with you because I knew you
were special."
"I wish I could believe you."
"You do believe me. You know it your just to upset to admit it." With
that he came behind me and put his arms around my waist from behind.
This time I didn't struggle.
"I love you Darren, I know it's quick, but I have to go with my heart,
and it tells me your special, your someone I want to be with for a long
time. I wouldn't have asked you to come to the next show if I didn't
care for you. I haven't been the most innocent person on the planet and
I love the guys, but they reacted without thinking or speaking. Kevin is
ticked off because he thinks your going to out me if I go anywhere with
you. But I don't care what they think right now. All I care about is
you."
I couldn't take it anymore. He'd convinced me. Maybe I was making a
mistake but I didn't care, because I too had to go with my heart, and my
heart told me that Brian was being truthful, and that I felt the same
for him as he did for me. I turned around and deflated, my head landing
on his shoulder as I let my tears out. He led me over to the bed and
just held me for 5 minutes while I cried. And he cried too, I could
feel his warm tears on my neck. Finally I was all sobbed out and just
held him. Finally I pulled away. I leaned forward and kissed him. He
responded in kind. There was nothing sexual about the kiss, it was
simply a kiss to show that I loved him.
"I'm going to talk to the guys" Brian said, standing. "They had no right
to do that to you, they should have talked to me first, and we need to
clear the air."
I only nodded and laid back on the bed while Brian left. Next thing I
knew I was asleep on the bed.