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NEW GAME RELEASE!
Wight-Woof, innovators of the StorageFiller system,
announces a new game in its World of Mood-Lighting-ness. From the same
game company which brought you gothic punk, making free agent cannibalism chic
with the intrigues of the batboys in Umpire: The
Mass-Marketing . . . who brought you pseudo-Native Americans
in WolfTribe-Wannabes: The Assimilating
(New Age punk) . . . who brought you postgraduate politics with
Merde: The Academics (postmodern punk in the Ivory
Tower) . . . who milked your appetites further with Wrought:
The Oh-so-depressing! (casper punk) and Nerdling: The
Daydreamers (couch potato punk) . . .
Now Wight-Woof introduces a whole new punk genre into the World of
Barniecraft: The Saccharinizing!
In Barniecraft: The Saccharinizing,
players play one of the six Cute-Kith. Each
Cute-Kith has its own sucromantic gifts. The six major Cute-Kith
The Cute-Kith can also be adapted to the new Wight-Woof
science fiction game, Psionity. Look for the Cute-Kith supplement
Sucrose Trek: The Neutered Generation-X. In
this far future, Smurfazoids all have the sucromantic gift telepathy and now hail from the planet
Smurfazed . . . CareWereBears now have ridges on their foreheads and snarl a lot but remain
just as snuggly-cuddly . . . and the only two Spice Ghouls in existence are Dadaism Spice
and his twin ghoul Louvre. For more information, look for the upcoming Cute-Kith
supplements, Sucrose Trek: Deepdish Pizza and
Sucrose Trek NewAger.
- CareWereBears. As
servants of GollyGeea, CareWereBears can shapeshift from fully bald humans into hairy
domesticated bears. Their three forms are 1) human who has no hair (Fuzzy-Wuzzy),
2) gooey bouncing bruin in punk hair colors (Gummed-up Bear), and 3) an intermediate form
that excels at Asian cooking and inordinately tacky merchandising (the Eek!Wok!)
. CareWereBears study Greeting Card Incantations.
- My-Kavian-Ponies. The
My-Kavian-Ponies appear in two colors: pink is for girls and blue is for
boys. They have the sucromantic gift to enchant little girls into
wearing pink dresses and fainting at the sight of mice or spiders and to enchant
little boys into forgetting everything except sports statistics and models of cars.
My-Kavian-Ponies can also enchant children to tickle them for hours without
rest -- this modus operandi is called the Tickle-My-Kavian m.o.
- BradyMage Bunch. The
wizards of the Cute-Kith . . . the entire BradyMage Bunch are sugarbonded
to each other. Their greatest sucromantic spells are 1) hastening time
so that they always find their solutions within a half-hour and 2) Alice-summoning,
the powerful incantation which summons their Goddess of Ultimate Tidiness.
- Smurfazoids. Cute-Kith
with a severe daddy complex, they have descended from a gnome who held his breath till he
turned blue and then forgot to stop holding it; in their perpetual oxygen deprivation,
they no longer remember how to wear shirts. Each Smurfazoid is named after its nature
and demeanor. Smurfazoids have the sucromantic gifts to turn their personalities
one dimensional at will (but often can't turn this gift off) and turn into gold if they're
boiled alive first (this last gift they try to keep hidden from the other Cute-Kith!).
- Spice Ghouls. Every
Spice Ghoul is named after its nature and demeanor, leading to the suspicion that they
were originally Smurfazoid zombies. The Spice Ghouls must chant "Ghoul Power!
" over and over again to use their sucromantic gifts. They have
the power to mesmerize adolescent males and to sing even if (especially if) they lack
any singing talent on their character sheets.
- Barnie-saurus Rex. These
cottoncandy-colored carnosaurs are the most powerful of the Cute-Kith! Any
Barnie-saurus Rex has the sucromantic gift to simultaneously hypnotize and control all children
under 9 years old and nauseate all adults whenever it sings. For some reason, neither
captains nor kangaroos (nor spiny echidna, we imagine) bear much fondness for Barnie-saurs.
Barniecraft: The Saccharinizing
uses the same attributes as all the other games in the World of Mood-Lighting-ness,
continuing the delusion they share one reality even though the games all follow
wildly incompatible metaphysics. Like other World of Mood-Lighting-ness
games, rolling a '10' is a special success in Barniecraft while rolling a '1'
qualifies as a major boo-boo and entitles the player to hurl dice across the table and
The insulin shock is for free!
The insulin shock is for free!
potential customers have risked saccharinizing at this webpage.
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