You Might Be a Hip-Hop Pagan!

• If there's a picture of the RZA on the God's part of your altar...
• If your Words of Power sound a lot like "Criminal Minded"...
• If your coven gives new meaning to the terms "High Priestess" and "High Priest"...
• If you think a skyclad coven would be tha bomb if only dime pieces like Tyson and Toni would join...
• If circle etiquette demands that you submit to a weapons check and set your pager on "vibrate"...
• If you call the quarters by cell phone...
• If your libation of choice is Mystic, Crooked I, Olde English, or gin and juice...
• If you know about the "astral plane" because of that line in Method Man's "Bring the Pain"...
• If an oversized Karl Kani or Tommy Hilfiger shirt qualifies as a ritual robe...
• If the element of fire is symbolized in your circle by a smoldering bong or crack pipe...
• If the element of air is symbolized by a pager...
• If the element of water is symbolized by a glass of Tanqueray...
• If your Samhain celebration included shoutouts to Tupac and the Notorious BIG...
• If the Rump Shaker is considered a traditional dance in your circle...
• If your medicinal herb of choice is bought by the nickel bag...
• If your plans to celebrate in the woods to live music were spoiled by your inability to find outlets for a mixer and turntables...
• If you think that using a scourge in an initiation is just a little too freaky...
• If you celebrate Beltaine with a booty call...
• If your High Priestess' acrylics interfere with her ability to perform a ritual...
• If your High Priest was selected by freestyle MC battle...
• If the closest thing to Celtic music in your collection is that song by the Fugees where they sample Enya's "Boadicea"...
• ...and you insist that it COUNTS....
• If your Words of Power are "jeepable"...
• If you thrilled to all the African-Pagan symbolism in Busta Rhymes' "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See" video...
• If you curse every other word during ritual...
• ...and this is after you decided to clean up your language for the God/dess...
• If there is an entire section in your Book of Shadows devoted to obtaining and caring for stereo equipment...
• If you dismiss Laurie Cabot's critics as "playa haytas"...
• If you skip circle for a Bulls game...
• If you've ever performed a ritual for an NBA team...
• If going barefoot in circle is a good way to contact the Earth AND make sure your new sneakers don't get f*cked up...
• If you've ever considered cursing someone for stealing your jacket...
• If you refer to the traditional ways of working magick as "old school"...
• If you use Nike or Wu-Wear accessories as talismen...
• If you've incorporated hieroglyphics, runes, or a pentacle into your graffiti tag...
• If, when getting your nails done, you have your polish color-corresponded to your plans for the week...
• If your Wand of Power is semi-automatic...
• If you don't care what it does to the energy flow to your third chakra, you're still wearing a bulletproof vest to open-air rituals...
• If you like your baggy jeans 'cause those big pockets can hold an entire deck of tarot cards...
• If your Jeep has a Venus of Willendorf or Damballah hood ornament and a "Born-Again Pagan" bumpersticker...
• If your familiar's a big ol' attack dog...
• If the smell of incense reminds you of an Erykah Badu concert...
• If you visualize Lil' Kim as the Maiden, Lauryn Hill as the Mother, and Pam Grier as the Crone...
• If you regard a Hurricane G or OutKast or Witchdoctor concert as a Pagan festival...
• If you wrote a pissed-off letter to the Source about religious defamation when they called C. Delores Tucker a "witch"...
• If you call the Gods by saying "Yo-yo-yo-yo, check THIS!"...
• If you refer to praising the God/dess as "givin' my props to tha ol' Earth"...

Wanna go back to the front?