A call to arms!

Okay...Many of you know of my intense hatred for Hanson, the Spice Girls, and so forth. Well...I have decided to make a stand! This train engineer is now waging war.

It's a new idea, so it may take awhile to completely develop. But check here every once in a while just to see how it's going.

Bob vs. the Spice Girls

First...we will discuss what either side has for itself. I will *try* (cough cough) not to be judgemental...

Now Bob has many advantages.

  1. Bob can take her hat off and throw it at them.
  2. Bob can wipe out one with a single blow...To the fingernails.
  3. Bob can run over them with a train.
  4. Bob can get them to run over a cliff by bribing them with new makeup.
  5. Bob can take an axe and chop their masks of makeup to pieces.
  6. Bob can pull their wigs off with a ten foot pole.

Now we will discuss some of the advantages of the Spice Squirrels..erm..I mean..girls.

Oh man, I think I am going to lose me lunch! *Insert barfing sound here*

Anyways...

  1. The Spice Girls can hit Bob with their ugly purses.
  2. The Spice Girls can throw Pepsi cans and HUGE platform shoes at Bob.
  3. The Spice Girls can grab Bob, tie her down, and put makeup about 3 inches thick (like theirs) on her.
  4. The Spice Girls can blind Bob with their ugliness.
  5. The Spice Girls can scratch Bob with their fingernails.

Here we go....


Bob: Here it is, a nice sunny day. It's so super that I can lie here in my wonderful hammock and just listen to the peaceful sounds of springtime.
::insert birds chirping, breezes blowing, and Spice Girls singing faintly::
Bob: Ahhh...the sounds of springtime...birds chirping, breezes blowing, and dying cats....DYING CATS!?! WHAT!?!?
::the singing gets louder::
Bob: Oh no! Someone should help the poor things! People are SO inhumane these days!
::Bob gets off the hammock and runs toward the sounds of struggle::
Bob: Don't worry, kitties! Bob's here to save you!
::Bob is suddenly, horribly blinded by the sight of 5 girls bouncing around in revealing clothes with lots of makeup::
Spice Girls: Spice up your life!
Bob: My life is decidedly UNspicy. And I intend on making it stay that way!
Spice Girls: If ya wanna be my loverrr...
Bob: Uh..sorry...I'm just not that kind of girl...
::The Spice Girls begin to move in the direction of Bob's trainyard::
Bob: Hey! Hey! Where do you think you're going?!?!
Spice Girls: Zigaziggah!
::Bob stops to ponder this strange answer...Meanwhile, the Spice Girls make their way to the trainyard::
Bob: What is a "zigaziggah"? I haven't ever heard that before...maybe it's a new store? I've got it! It's imported meat!
::Bob suddenly realizes she is alone::
Bob: ACK! My TRAINS!
::Bob runs for the trainyard. When she gets there, she is shocked by the sight of her favorite engine bedecked with ribbons and Pepsi signs::
Emma: Like our new style?
Geri: Hahaha...You've LOST Bob!
::Bob is struggling to deal with this::
Bob: (calmly) Listen up you twerps. Put that engine back the way it was and no one gets hurt.
Spice Girls: Hahahahaha! As if!
::Bob begins to get angry::
Bob: Shut up. Stop it now. I'm warning you.
Geri: Teehee! Be quiet Bob!! This train is the Spice Train!
Bob: Hey Geri...be quiet ok? Or I will reveal your true age.
::Geri looks scared::
Geri: (nervously) I'm a young girl! Why would I care about my age? Teehee?
Bob: Suuuure. Okay guys, here you go..Geri isn't in her 20s...she's actually...
Geri: SHHHH! BE QUIET! We'll take the Spice Train back apart! It'll be the old train!
Bob: Promise?
Geri: Yes.
Bob: Ok. But I'm supervising.
::And so the Spice Girls toil under the hot sun so Geri's real age will not be revealed. Soon, the train is back to normal::
Mel B.: Well, Geri, I hope you're happy.
Geri: Thanks guys, I hope you never have to do this again.
Bob: That won't be necessary. You see, they will already know your real age. GERI'S in her 40s!!!
::GASP::
Geri: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::Geri crumples to the ground::
Bob: (standing above her) oh yeah. Girl power, buddy!
::Bob snickers::
The Other 4 HEY! You can't do that to her?
Bob: And who, pray tell, is going to stop me??
Other 4: WE ARE!
*silence*
Bob: Ha. Hahaha. Hahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
::Bob, still laughing, jumps into her engine and revs it up::
Bob: Go ahead. But you'd better start running!
::Bob starts the train moving...The other 4 have not the sense to get off the tracks..and start running for their lives::

*Scene*: The Spice Girls are running as fast as they can in platform shoes down the railroad tracks. There is a train engine slowly gaining on them. Bob keeps leaning out the window and grinning evilly. She toots the whistle every once in a while to make sure the Spice Things know she's still there.

Bob: Come on girls! Faster! FASTER!
::The Spice Girls are beginning to get tired::
Bob: HAHAHA!
::Bob gets a fishing pole and reels them in one by one::

*Later*
Mr. Policeman: Thanks Bob. These things will now be removed from human society.
Bob: How?
Mr. Policeman: They will be put into straightjackets and locked in our most padded rubber room.
Bob: Ah. Thank you, Mr. Policeman!
Mr. Policeman: Thank YOU Bob. Without you, these things would still be at large.

*THE END*

The TrainYard

Bob vs. Hanson