Worst Analogies
(The following are actual winning analogies in the "worst analogies ever written
in a
high school essay" contest)
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled
Nancy
Kerrigan's teeth.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went
blind
because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole
in it
and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of
looking
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle
from screen doors and would fly up whenever
you banged the door open again.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball
wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with
vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal
quality,
like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7pm
instead
of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:\flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaak/ch@ng by
mistake.
He was as tall as a six-foot three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in
hot grease.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy
would be burried in the credits as
something like "Second Tall Man."
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy
field
toward eachother like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36pm
traveling
at 55 mph, the other from
Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr.
Pepper can.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never
met.
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet
of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a drier without "Cling-Free."
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red crayola crayon.