A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a
cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and
looking put out.
 
The egg mutters to no one in particular "I guess we answered THAT
question."

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. 
This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a
contest, with God as the judge. They set themselves before their
computers and begin.  They type furiously, lines of code streaming up
the screen, for several hours straight.   
 
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.
Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly
upset, and cries, "I have nothing.  I lost it all when the power went out."  

"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better." 

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the
voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.  
 
Satan isastonished.He stutters, "B-b-but how?!  I lost everything, yet Jesus'
program is intact!  How did he do it?" 
 
God chuckles, "Everybody knows...Jesus saves."

Little Mary was attending a wedding for the first time.  As she sat 
in the church, she watched the bride slowly approach the alter.  Mary 
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" 
 
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest
day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. 
The child thought about this for a moment, then said....
"So why is the groom wearing black?"

Sandra was on her deathbed, with her husband Burt at her side.  He 
held her cold hand as his silent tears streamed down his face. 
"Burt," she said, weakly.
"Hush," he interrupted.  "Don't talk."  But she insisted.
"Burt," she continued.  "I have something to confess."
"There is nothing to confess," said the weeping Burt.  "It's all 
right. Everything's all right." 
"No, no. I must die in peace.  I must confess, Burt, that I have 
been unfaithful to you." 
Burt stroked her hand.  "Now, Sandra, don't be concerned.  I know all 
about it," he sobbed.
"You do?" she gasped.
"Sure. Why else would I poison you?"