However...

I figure it's only appropriate I put at least SOMETHING goth related on this page, hmmmm...?

I have a hard time explaining exactly *why* I consider myself Goth. I certainly don't fit most people's preconceived notion of one... (of course, very few actually do)

I'm WAY perky! I like making people laugh and don't really take most stuff too seriously. That's a good way to give yourself an ulcer and trust me, I *know*. I like to do silly things like carry sidewalk chalk and draw hopscotch courts when I get bored. (Hmm... maybe if I draw them in purple chalk in the shape of spiderwebs they'll be GAF! ;-)

To steal from a post I wrote to alt.gothic:

>Remember as a child seeing your first goth

Looking in the mirror?

::shrug::

I started snatching my brother's tapes when I was about ten. I wanted to grow up to look like either Siousxie or Snow White. I told my sister this and she seemd disgusted.

"If Snow White were real, she'd look dead. Unnatural, gross."

"I think she'd look pretty."

But I hid a lot of it for a looong time, and now I feel ashamed that I did. I denied a part of myself that I feel is integral to understanding me, and for that, I'm upset with myself.

But-- if you want to know about the first one aside from myself---

I was seventeen. Almost eighteen. My first all ages. I was wandering around the decrepit theater as my friend set up the stage and found myself face to face with a thin, pake, beautiful girl wearing black jeans, black T shirt and had the shiniest black hair I've ever seen to this day.

She looked me over and asked if I was a Libra... said I had the most incredible energy emanating from me and I had something special.

I smiled shyly and told her I was a Leo. She rattled off some Leo characteristics and told me I was still waiting to come out of my shell.

We went outside and she smoked a clove. We chatted a bit and decided we'd been burned at the stake together in past lives. (Giggle if you will, but at the time it seemed reasonable.)

Some random person outside said some crap about her and we went back inside.

She rolled her eyes and said something about idiots.. I can't remember what. I took off my sweater and she perked when she saw my much worn, much loved Cure shirt.

I think she was surprised.

We started talking about our favorite songs and she kept looking at me with a very sweet smirk like she was saying "I know something you don't know".

I guess maybe she did.

The next Monday, I sat in my art class fifth period while my teacher asigned us to paint the back of someone's head.

I went home and painted very simply a sleek head oof black hair against a red background. In dark blue lettering around the edge, were the words..

"This is Anne, she's 18, wears black lipstick, lives on F street, describes herself as "Goth" and says Cancers are annoying. I think she's cool"(1)

My teacher loved it. I still have it.

Hanging in my closet where only I can see.

I often wonder what happened to her.

(1)The fact that she was a Cancer made her than much cooler to me.