Once again, my late-night insanities have erupted into twisted prose. 
However, this time, I have to thank a buddy of mine for the concept 
this idea sprang from. Thanks, Lee.


Disclaimer: I tried it back in college, but I didn't inhale. Oxygen,
that is.

         The Call of...wait, that would be telling!

     Ranma sat on the deck of the sailboat, staring at the water. The
sun beat down mercilessly, his only salvation the fact that the phoenix
pill had given him a heavy tolerance for heat. His trademark red,
Chinese shirt was on the deck beside him, leaving him in a black tank 
top and his black pants and shoes. He was glad that he was in male
form, thankful that the ocean here was so warm that it didn't trigger
the transformation.
     Behind him, Genma stood at the wheel. Unlike Ranma, he had no 
special tolerance for heat, and the extra layers of fat that he had
built up since his youth made things even tougher for him. He was
wearing only his white gi pants, and the cloth tied over his head. The
sweat dripping down his body kept him in human form, for which he was
thankful. He shuddered at the thought of becoming a furry panda in this
heat.
     Ranma turned to face his father. "Pops, I still don't get it. What 
makes you think this magic island is gonna be able to cure us? After all, 
it's thousands of miles from Jusenkyo."
     "Simple, boy. It only appears once every thousand years. Any
island that magical _must_ have a cure for us!"

     A day and a half later, and the two travellers were pulling the 
sailboat's dinghy onto the rocky shores of a blasted island. The outer
cliffs of the island made it impossible to see the interior, but Genma
was hopeful.
     "Alright, pops. Let's get going," said the younger Saotome, 
pretending he didn't see the bandanna-collared black piglet walking 
away from them, some distance to the left.
     "Right, boy. Martial Arts Rock Climbing!" He ran up to the cliff, 
and punched, with a slight twist. Shattering part of the face, he had 
made a good handhold. Reaching up, he tried again.
     "Wait, pops, not there! That's..." With a loud crash, the entire 
face of the cliff started to shift. "...a long fissure. Run!"
     Now having a gentle, sloping path up to the center of the island,
they walked. When they crested the ridgeline, they were presented with
a vision out of a nightmare. An immense temple stod there, but of an
architecture that threatened the sanity. Impossible angles clashed with
unnatural shapes, all centering around an immense door over a hundred
feet tall.
     "Ah, just like the scroll shows," proclaimed Genma, pulling out
a rolled up piece of parchment.
     "Gimme that!" snarled Ranma, snatching it out of his hand. Sure
enough, a picture of the temple sat in the middle of the page. On the
right and left margins, a neat, crimped hand scribbled out 'island 
rises once a millenium', and 'great power'. These notes were obviously
not written by his father. The rest of the scroll, however, was utterly
incomprehensible. 
      Ranma snorted. "Figures, you didn't take it somewhere to get it
translated!"
     "Don't worry about that, boy. Besides, with me with you, what's to
worry about!"
     "Feh," muttered the pigtailed martial artist. 'Next he'll be 
taking credit for the amaguriken and the hiryu shoten ha,' he thought.
     "After all," Genma continued, "I taught you everything you know. Now, 
I'll stand guard out here, while you go inside and see what's up."
     Shrugging, Ranma walked up to the door. It had some sort of arcane 
sigil on it, sort of like a circle with all sorts of lines through the
center. He grabbed the corner of the door, and wrenched. After almost a 
full minute, he had opened it wide enough to slip through. 
     Inside, it was dark. He stumbled around for a minute, until 
his foot caught on something unseen. Splash! He found himself sitting in 
a fountain of cold, stagnant water, fully female. "Great, just great,"
he grumbled.
     Finding another immense door, this one slightly open, Ranma 
squeezed through. Here, she saw an immense chamber, open to the dying 
rays of the sun. On an immense altar, lay an incredibly disgusting
figure. It was basically humanoid, and over a hundred feet tall. Its
flesh hung in folds, grotesquely mocking the graceful folds of a
kimono. Its hands sported huge claws, and immense draconian wings 
erupted from its back. But, most revolting of all, its head resembled
a huge octopus. The entire thing had a greenish slime oozing from its
grey hide, occasionally dripping down onto the floor, burning it with
a wet hiss.
     Before Ranma could collect herself, the thing began to move. *I AM 
AWAKENED,* came the voice in her mind. The great thing turned to face
her. *MY GODDESS! YOU HAVE AWAKENED ME, AFTER ALL THESE THOUSANDS OF
EONS!*
     All that it took was a single neuron finishing its assigned task,
and she was out the door like a shot. A stumbling dash through the dark
antechamber, and she shot past her father. "RUN, POPS, RUN!" Not 
bothering to ask, Genma took off like a shot. Anything that could scare
Ranma like that was something he didn't want to see. He wasn't 
stuttering the word, 'cat', so it had to be something pretty horrible.
     The door of the temple erupted open, showing the immense beast. It
now held, in one claw, a huge tree trunk, long and straight, and shorn
of its branches. *I WILL HAVE YOU, MY GODDESS! AND IF YOU DEFEAT ME, I
SHALL ALLOW YOU TO DATE WITH ME!*
     At that moment, Ranma's mind snapped forever, for she had 
heard...the Call of Kuno'thulhu.

- Valandar the Red