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All that you love will turn into Hate in your arms and crumble in your sweet embrace 

Untitled

I can feel the rage soaring in my veins
Like fire, consuming my being
Destroying all of my love and compassion
my wrists are slit on the inside, 
   for i bleed out nothing but hate for him

I wish it to be different, 
   but wishing is for those with broken dreams 
We will never be alike, we never get along
if we agree we quickly forget it, and hate each other more after
Like two bulls in a china shop we both clash, 
our hate like lightining, striking all those who get in the way 
causing them pain

People tell me it will be ok, 
   but i cannot find the truth in their lies
I am in Hell, the one i cant escape, althogh i try
I find release in the pretendings of my friends to be others
And do it myself, but i alwasy have to come back and go home

I no longer fear his fists, but his drunkeness
and his ablility to find my littlest weaknesses,
-To exploit them-
Every word is hate, every sentence another knife in me

-And Yet-
I still love him, but he hurts me, dragging me back down
I have tried, to bring him out of his hell
or dwell in his.
Instead he makes both places torture for me
My every caring word turns more spite filled

I know i care, somewere inside
but its to hard to try to find it
And so i live in hell, his words my eternal fire
It feels like a dirtying of my soul,
i am unclean

and if i were to change one thing in my life,
    it would be the man i call 

Father


Lost Loves.....

Love makes your life so pure, and so simple
and can make you hate the way you are forever

I give everything to those i love, and wish to make them feel 
    as if they are the goddesses in my life
My only Religion
My Temples of Worsihp

I Need all of the ones i love
But when they shut me out
I feel true darkness,
as if i am alone, no one can touch me again

and all who try to touch me feel my darkness
it burns thier fingers, causing them to know my pain
And i hate myself more,
    for i cause pain to those who dont deserve it
makes me want to die again...try to start over

Love is a double edged sword
I still love those i lost, and cherish those i keep
but i never forget and always forgive
If i could change things to take back harsh words so i could
spend nites in protective arms
i would

but i cant.
all i can do is hope those who set themselves free will come back
i wait for their return, never losing hope
I love them all and chersih them

I want forgiveness for those i hurt
and would give my soul to right those wrongs
love is the only thing i need
the only thing that i desire
the only thing that satisfies my hunger

I want to take back untold scars and wounds
Change for the better
Love for evertying i can
And be one agian with those who no longer want to know me

I am alone, but i would rather be alone then in pain

Im sorry Brenda


Bleeding because of you


I sit alone at nite my arms clasp my legs
I feel i am dying, or going insane
The way i feel that i am is wrong
Hating my self because i cannot find my answer on the inside

I want to bleed
My wrists invite me to let them bleed
my Mind is blinded by what i feel
my Heart giving up with every beat

I cannot feel the way i am
it hurts to know what i want to be inside
i cannot achieve what i want to feel
so i wonder if its time for me to try again...

I feel the sting
My wrists become warm and cheery
my mind releases all its sorrow
my soul becomes blissfull with the pain inside

The tears from my cheeks drip like the blood from my fingertips
but i dont cry on the outside, i cant
i cry on the inside
my tears come only because i wish them to,
    after holding them in so long

i feel the release
My wrists now flow freely
my Heart sighs in bliss
my soul lets its grip on me leave....

I smile at my self knowing i have done what i need to feel
I pick myself up and lite a cigerette
I cleanse myself like this when i need to
I feel the bliss that relaxes me

i let it stop
My wrists close
My Heart beat slows
My Soul lets me go on

I dont bleed on the outside, forever bleeding from the inside
I cleanse myself to let my heart be free
I dont hurt, i heal
I no longer hate i feel.

I am free.

			BMW