I thought you were like me, and so I trusted you.
I met you in a place and time that I had set aside for being with others
Who, like me, shared an interest and beliefs,
Which, in me, underlie my every choice and action,
And so I thought it was that way with you.

And once more I was wrong.

I keep wanting to believe,
To trust, despite the warning signs,
Despite the small white lie that I excuse,
Thinking that you did not mean to hurt
As your words turn hard,
And are hurled at me like stones,
When I displease you.

I keep wanting to have faith in others,
To believe that this one will not hurt me,
Because you are like me.

You do things I would never do,
Things that horrify me,
And I find explanations, even when you do not offer them,
Because I think you are like me,
And would not knowingly choose to hurt,
So there must be some excuse, some way
To explain away your actions.

I wonder at your actions,
Stealing from the works of others,
Profiting without a care for the people from whose works you profit,
But I excuse it to myself -
It's only a small cartoon, a MIDI file, an article, a graphic,
When it comes to what really matters,
You are like me, and so you would not really steal,
Not from someone that you know -
I tell myself that,
As I wonder at the gullibility of my friends,
Who harbor friends from their childhood on the streets,
And then are surprised to find out that the latest check cashed
Came from their own checkbook, without their knowledge or consent.
How can they be so easily taken in, I wonder,
Secure in the knowledge that I have learned better,
And now I only trust people like you,
People who are like me.

You bring others into my life, and watch, taking no action,
As they hurt me in ways that I can ill-afford,
But that I must find a way to absorb,
Because a further defense of myself would be more damaging to me
Than the loss I have already suffered.
I would not have risked that loss, save that I was
Trusting in your surety that you would not do business
With anyone who would act unethically,
Or continue your relationship with them,
Should they betray my trust.
But of course I knew that was the case,
Because you were like me.

And still I find a way to explain away your inaction,
As you sit back, and continue your relationship with a person
You now know to act unethically in business,
Incurring debts without intent or effort made to pay them.
I tell myself that there must be some explanation,
Although I cannot think of one at first,
For I know you and I like you - you're like me,
And so there must be some explanation,
For I would never let someone hurt my friend,
Or even hurt a stranger,
And still extend to them my trust,
My friendship, or my business.

I cannot resolve the issue -
But it is not the way of trust to harp on what has passed,
And it would be rude of me to let this stand between us,
I know there must be some ethical point I do not understand,
For you would not act unethically -
You're like me.

And then, at last, comes the inevitable day,
When it is I whom you betray,
Directly, by your own actions -
And I am shocked, for I did not expect this,
For I thought you were like me.
I thought that I could trust you,
Because of what we had in common,
And so I gave to you that trust,
While you hurt me again and again,
And I excused it, thinking you were like me.

But you're not.

You use some of the same words -
But you do not use them the same way,
You use them to confuse,
To promise, to assault,
To wound, and to betray.
You steal the words of others,
As you steal their works,
And you quote from their ideas,
And claim them as your own.
But if those things were truly written deep within your soul
You would not act this way.
You would not seek to wound,
Where you had the chance to bond.
You would not seek to triumph,
Where you had the chance to trust,
For once without betrayal.
You would not seek to control the lives of others,
Choosing instead to control your own actions,
And live without regretting your own deeds,
However you might feel about the deeds of others.

So you are not like me,
Whatever the labels, the surface appearance,
The face you show when not put under stress.
But you attack without apology, and wound without regret,
And I am glad that
I am not like you.

Despite the things that made me think that you were like me,
There are so many differences between us,
And I look at all of them,
And see only one where I regret
That I am not like you -
I envy you your health.
There are no other differences
Between us that I would not choose,
Rather than share with you the trait that makes us different,
That divides us,
For it is the "trait" in "traitor" and "betray" that
Brings our final deep division,
And not for all the world
Would I choose to be like you.

So now I seek to look beyond the labels,
To stop assuming,
And to ask myself, at every turn,
"Do I like you?"
Rather than go on trusting,
In the blind faith
That those who share my labels
Are like me.

---

8 May, 2001