Perdue (the chicken people) walk up to the Pope and say "Your Holiness, if you change the Lord's Prayer to 'give us this day our daily chicken' then we'll give you a million dollars. The Pope says "No, no, I can't do that. That's the Lord's Prayer! I have to work with World Hunger before I deal with you!". So, the Vice President of Perdue Chicken gets on a plane and flies to Rome. He asks the Pope the same question, but saying that he'll give him 5 million dollars. The Pope turns down the offer, saying that World Hunger needs our attention now. This time, Frank Perdue himself goes the Pope and pleads with him, offering his 50 million dollars. The Pope considers this, and thought "50 million dollars could solve World Hunger for a year," so the Pope goes to the Cardinals and says "Okay. I have bad news and good news. Good news is that World Hunger is solved for a year. The bad news is that we have to give up our contract with Wonderbread". 

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A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few?" he asks. "No, not at all," the woman replied. They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl. "I'm really sorry for eating all your peanuts, I just meant to eat a few!" "Oh that's all right," the woman says, "Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."

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A bride and groom want to get married, but before they do the building blows up. So, they go up into Heaven and ask god to marry them. Gods says" If you want me to marry you two, come back in 5 years and if you still love each other, I'll marry you." So the couple says OK and wait around for 5 years. When the time was up, the couple went to god. They asked to be married but god says to wait 5 more years and then he promises to marry them. So the couple says OK and waits around for another 5 years. So after 10 years, god finally gets a priest to marry them. After a few years, the couple can't stand each other and want a divorce. They ask god to do it and he says" It took me 10 years to find a priest, how long do you think it's going to take me to find a lawyer." 

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A police officer had just pulled over a car full of nuns for going too
slow on a major highway. The conversation went like this:

Police officer: "Why were you driving so slowly?"

Nun driver: "I kept seeing all these signs with the number 20 on them
and figured that was the speed limit."

Police officer: "No, Sister, that is the highway number."

Nun: "Oh, I'm so sorry, Officer, I didn't know that."

Then the police officer looks into the back seat and sees that the
nuns there have panic-stricken faces and white knuckles from holding
on to each other too tightly.

Police officer: "What's wrong with the nuns in the back seat?"

Nun: "Oh, we just got off Highway 101 a few miles ago."