Unknown to many, Adam’s battle with food began years ago when he caught a virus
that left him weak and depressed...
"...sport...was my life. It just spiralled from there because it's [rugby] my favourite sport, and missing out made me even more depressed."
"A specialist doctor told me my shoulder joints were damaged and that I'd never be able to play rugby again because they'd keep dislocating. That half-hour changed my life. I went in to the surgery optimistic, and came out shell-shocked. I felt as if my world had come to an end. I'd lost a lot of weight because of the virus and thought if I could get it back, I'd be okay. So when I got home, I kept shoving food into my mouth until I was so bloated I couldn't move. I was eating and eating, drinking loads of milk and going through tons of sugary cereal."
"Then I looked in the mirror and saw how bloated I looked. I panicked! I ran to the bathroom and threw up. After, I felt this weird sense of relief. So the next day, I did it again. It gave me a sense of control over my body. It was the only way I could deal with the pain."
"I'd be alone in my room I'd sit and cry. It was like my mind and body became two separate things. Bulimia was a way of controlling the other. I spent all money I could lay my hands on on food. People would ask me how come I was so thin when I ate so much and I'd say I still had the virus in my system. They accepted that. Hard rugby lads didn't get bulimia!"
"My parents would catch me being sick and I'd just make an excuse. I was too embarrassed to talk about it and things just got worse. Then one day, I asked myself why rugby was so important to me. Was it the game I loved or was it an ego thing? I started to realise that, at the end of the day and however much I loved the sport, it was just a game and not worth killing myself over. I knew then that I had to make myself get better. I didn't want to die."
"Going through all that has made me a stronger person, no doubt about it. I know nothing can ever be as bad again. I'm only talking about it now to warn other guys that bulimia can happen to them, too, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. The advice I'd give to someone who is going through it right now is: talk to someone. Don't let it take over your life, like it nearly did mine. It's hard and painful, but the only way to feel happy again is to work through it."
Luckily Adam is through it, and back in fighting form.
The above information is compiled from Adam Rickitt sites.
Last updated Sunday, 6 September 1998
This Page was created by the ARWR
© The Adam Rickitt Web Ring, 1998