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I have a story to tell,
Not the usual…I think you'll agree;
'Tis a story about compulsion,
What it did to others and me.

Right from the start…born prematurely,
Anxious…this wide world to see;
Continuing on…for a lifetime,
From this treadmill…I'd like to be free.

So bound-up…yet, always running,
Trying to excel…but not;
To show that I was better,
What have I gained…got?

I've worn myself out…completely,
Rushing on…leaving others behind;
Trying…always trying,
Doing good things…not trying to be unkind.

But, in the end…what's my profit,
What have I gained or lost?
Rushing on…leaving others behind me,
I just never did count the cost.

"Tomorrow's another day",
My Mother often said;
That should have been a clue to me,
But, I rushed on…instead.

Trying…always trying,
To prove myself…do good;
A "goody two shoes"…thought by others,
Trying to be better than they could.

For, I had something to prove,
To others…Yes…and to me;
Low esteem and low self-image,
Leads to compulsion…you see.

It doesn't have to be abusive,
With drugs, drink and the lot;
It can manifest…doing good things,
More and more…I cannot stop!

Taking a look at my childhood,
And, all the years that followed;
The pattern repeats itself,
On and on…to do more…I'm challenged!

When does this treadmill stop,
Self-propelled…I know it to be;
I'm the only one who can do it,
The choice is up to me.

So, today I'm making that choice,
From the treadmill…I'm stepping down;
Learning how to relax,
By compulsion…no longer bound.

For some…to relax does take learning,
No longer…anxious to be;
A lifetime in a frenzy,
From this life-style…I want to be free!

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Nov. 17, 2000

Aimee Love
(LHG)