Andy's Amish Web Site
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Amish Cursing Guide Yet another of the Amish Gentleman's dilemmas is the issue of cursing. We are expressly forbidden from cursing, and yet, sometimes you really just want to belt out a good one. If you've ever crushed your thumb with a heavy iron mallet at a barn raising, then you know exactly what I mean. Somehow, turning blue, and saying "Oh dear, I seem to have accidentally crushed my thumb with this heavy iron mallet" just is not very satisfying.

I, too, was bothered by this problem, until I managed to come up with a nifty idea - Amish swear words! A system by which we could give vent to a bit of ire, without actually violating scripture! So, I came up with a list of words we as Amish people can use to replace those vile (but oh, so satisfying) words the heretics spout off with when they are angry. Once again, thanks for my Satanic lawyers for filling in the naughty words for me (here, as in other parts of the document).

Traditional Swear Word Amish Translation
Shit Feces, poop, or gark
Asswipe Doo-doo head, or Sheila Copps
Cocksucker Hades Bound
Piss Stream, weak tea, or pizzle
Motherfucker David E. Smucker
Fuck (the big one) Funk (dangerously close), Fooey or Clinton

By using the Amish translation, and staying away from the nasty heathen versions, the Amish gentleman can give vent to his ire now and again without fear of mounting the fast-mule to Hell.


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