The punks stop their car, get out, and harrass the Amish gentleman, secure in the knowledge that, as a pacifistic man of God, he will not fight back. This makes them feel tough and strong, when it should make it feel exactly like what they are: pathetic, gutless cowards who wouldn't dare pick a fair fight. Bullies, who can only show violence when their victim cannot possibly fight back.

Up until now, the proper Amish gentleman had no way of protecting himself from such nefarious individuals. He had to adhere to his beliefs, and maintain his vow to do no violence upon another person. Thus leaving himself open for abuse, both verbal and physical, until his attackers grew tired, or were forced off by someone else.

Not anymore.

Not if you learn Amish Andy's Secrets of Amish Self-Defense. I spent many years (of course, I only managed to travel about 600 miles or so in that time frame - you try scouring the whole earth on horse back!) of scouring the earth, searching out various experts in self defense. None was quite right: the first required the individual to do violence on another human being, the second required...well, they pretty much all required the individual to do violence on another human being. I was ready to give up, when I discovered the ancient art of Kay Nih'N Fury.

Kay Nih'N Fury allows the practioner to protect himself, without personally doing physical harm to another. How, you might ask? Three simple words: trained attack rottweilers. Rather than raise your own fists in defense of your person, one merely whistles and quotes a bible verse. Your Kay Nih'N Fury Master (i.e. Thor, 95 pounds of angry rottweiler) leaps to your defense. A qualified Kay Nih'N Fury master can usually render an opponent helpless in under three seconds. Give him five seconds, and you can be sure the villainous scum will never breed again (be sure to plug your ears to block out the high-pitched screams).

So there you have it. Imagine the surprise on the faces of those punks the next time they toss a beer bottle at you. Instead of meekly surrendering, Ezekial the mighty Kay Nih'N Fury Master leaps from the back of your wagon, and tears the little heathens into chunky bacon strips. A solution which satisfies you, and satisfies Scripture.