Newsletter 12
Yes, that's right, it's Newsletter 12! Since I feel pretty lazy today, much of this letter is going to be copied and pasted from other things. First off, we here at the Center for Cod Driving Research and Prevention, also known as my house, have come up with a new way to get our Message out: randomly dialing 1-800 numbers and telling whoever answers, be it real person, recorder, or that wrong number bitch (Noah's words) that you're calling on behalf of the Friends Don't Let Friends Drive With Cod in Their Trousers. When they say What?!?!!?!??" tell them again, and then tell them that it's National Cod Awareness Month and you're calling to inform people of this horrible epidemic. Tell them it's a real problem with the young people today, since they usually believe anything is a problem with young people today, like drugs or premarital sex or joining weird clubs dedicated to obscure topics. If they don't hang up, continue to regale them with made up, I mean, real-honest-to-goodness-verifiaby-true facts about cod in pants driving, such as that we've had a thirty percent decrease in cod related injuries and deaths since we started this campaign, or that driving with cod in your trousers was started by satan worshipping communist cross dressing androgenous petunia trampling snobbish French guys with long hair and mauve fingernails. Another way to get our message out is the random email campaign. Simply do an internet search for any topic, find a web page that sounds interesting and that has that FDLFDWCTT spirit, and send them the following letter (Or you can make up your own. You can also customize this one to your liking. I really don't care. You might want to take out the parts about about the guy sitting next to you, since I wrote this in conjunction with Noah and chances are you don't have Noah sitting next to you, but I think it helps convey that all-important FDLFDWCTT spirit. Whatever that may be.):

You have been chosen as a candidate for a random emailing. Ok, as my friend sitting next to me has just pointed out, you are no longer just a candidate, but a WINNER. Ok, you didn't actually win anything, but you still get this random email. I represent the FDLFDWCTT, as does the weirdo sitting next to me, but I actually outrank him, and so I'm going to tell him to shutup now. There. Now that that's out of the way, on to the issue at hand. FDLFDWCTT stands for Friends Don't Let Friends Drive With Cod in Their Trousers (da-dah [trumpet fanfare]), an organization dedicated to the erradication of the common problem of people recklessly driving with cod in their trousers. Anyway, I went to your webpage, and thought you seemed weird, I mean, uh, thoughtful enough to be useful to our organization. You can find our website by searching Yahoo for FDLFDWCTT (surprise), or by going to htttp://members.tripod.com/~angumbdo/codtrousers.html. Your participation would be appreciated. (Singing now) All we are saying, is give the FDLFDWCTT a chance. (repeat).

Thanks.

So far I've only emailed one guy (and he has yet to respond) whose website was dedicated to a secret society of grapefruit dedicated to eventually taking over the world. That's quite FDLFDWCTT-ish, in my opinion. In other news, the FDLFDWCTT now has a Media Division! It's called Cheese on the Wall productions, and is comprised of members Evie, Noah, Jennifer, Mike, and myself, as well as that blasphemous infidel Christina, leader of the anti-cod forces but a fairly good animator nonetheless. Our current project is Lifegourd, which I think is best explained in a synopsis we wrote for the Tower of Youth (yay, more copy and paste!):

Lifegourd is the heartwrenching saga of a beach, a boy, an innertube, and a gourd. The film will open on a peaceful beach, shot from a point in the ocean. A boy floats on an innertube in the foreground, while another boy burrows through the sand in the back. A crab scuttles across screen. In the upper left-most corner of the screen is the bottom of a lifeguard chair and a sign. When the children and crab have finished setting the happily carefree mood the camera will either zoom in on or simply cut to the sign, which reads "Lifegourd on Duty". Then the camera will cut to a shot of the Lifegourd chair, slowly panning up until, visible at the top, alertly immobile, is the Lifegourd, who will be played by an authentic plastic gourd. But what's this? Trouble? The camera flashes to an overhead head shot of the boy on the innertube, but where is he? There, his arm is waving from the middle of innertube! He needs help! Back to the Lifegourd, who continues to vigilantly sit on his chair. Back to the child, of whom little is visible but a hand waving frantically from the center of the innertube. Back to the Lifegourd, who, in a heroic move, remains implacably seated in his chair. Back to the child, or rather, lack of child, and a forlornly floating innertube. Then we'll cut to credits. Something may end up being added there between the end of the film and the credits, such as an "A Few Good Men" style court scene with the lifegourd, or some voices during the credits of someone saying, "You know, maybe we should hire somebody to replace the lifegourd. That's the third kid we've lost this week.", and someone replying, "Yeah, maybe, but we really can't afford anybody else.", and a third person saying, "Besides, the lifegourd looks awfully good in a swimsuit." A third option would be an epilogue explaining that the child was never seen again, and the lifegourd was demoted to working at a public pool, possibly accompanied by the sound of a bunch of kids splashing and yelling, and faintly above it all the sounds of someone calling for help, and then a cut to the credits.

Ok, for my last feat of copy and pasteing I have two entries from members. First, some words from member Courtney, who says " 'Candy is dandy, but liquour is quicker.' ~Gene Wilder, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", which has absolutlely nothing to do with anything whatsoever, meaning it belongs right here in this newsletter.