Newsletter 13
    Oooh, it's newsletter 13! We'd all better thow the interacial singing group Salt 'n' Peppa over our shoulders, or whatever it is we're supposed to do for good luck. The following is not my fault. Shemp, also known as Noah or Sir Reginald told me a few days ago that he wanted to do a guest newsletter, since 13 is his favorite number. So, in the friendly, open armed, my-newsletter-is-your-annoyance-that-won't-go-away spirit that I try to keep in this publication I said "No". He took this to mean "Keep on bugging me about it until I fall to my knees and beg you to write a newsletter or burn down my house or take my firstborn, anything to make it stop." It's pretty easy to mix those two up. Anyway, the upshot of this is easily seen below, in all it's grammatically incorrect, misspelled glory (I thought of editing it, Lord knows it needs it, but then I realized I wouldn't want anybody editing my newsletters, even though the entire Pantheon knows they need it, so I left it well enough alone.)

Hey everybody! Sir Reginald, Senior Member of FDLFDWCTT, here writing newsletter 13, also known as guest newsletter 1! Due to me deciding to do a guest newsletter (along with a little bit of annoying Andrew into letting me) it was decided that I could write a newsletter, and here it is! Okay, now down to business. First, I would like to announce the unveiling of the "FDLFDWCTT imitation archives!" After decades (give or take) of being kept a secret, the FDLFDWCTTCFB (the easily pronouncable acronym of the Friends Don't Let Friends Drive With Cod in Their Trousers Counter Fraud Bureau) has at long last released copies of pages people have made trying to imitate FDLFDWCTT. Now you know why the line "Beware of imitations" is in the opening paragraph of the FDLFDWCTT home page. You can reach it by going to the FDLFDWCTT home page and clicking the link to it which happens to be in the line "beware of imitations," and which happens to be the actual word "imitations" (imagine imitations being at a link called "imitations!"), or you can go straight there to "https://members.tripod.com/~Sir_Reginald/imitationFDLFDWCTT.html". Second of all, I belive there is an FDLFDWCTT principal which needs a bit of clarification, which is, as a matter a fact, the main principal of our organization: preventing people from driving with cod in their trousers. Now the whole point of this little section is to avert the common misconception that we are totally against cod. We are not. We like cod! Heck, most of us have membership cods that we show off proudly! Well, I don't know if most of us show them off proudly, but most of us have them. But anyways, when you talk to people about your anti-driving- with-cod-in-your-trousers status, make sure you make the point that we have nothing against the actual cod itself. Our opposition (comprised of Christina and Janet only, but it's still opposition) has been using it against us falsely and we must put a stop to it (not just because they're using it against us (though that's a good reason) but just to clarify things in general)! Third of all- okay, well not really third of ALL, more like third of SOME.. "All" would have to comprise every subject addressed ever or at the very least every subject addressed by the newsletters, so I can't very well say it's any number of ALL without going back through every newsletter (or back through all of time itself, but if I did go back I'd do just the newsletters because going over the entirety of time itself would take a while) and counting every reference to anything whatsoever, be it cod to petunia trampling. Well anyways, third of the numbered things being addressed in this newsletter, is the new FDLFDWCTT discussion forum, by the way located at "https://members.tripod.com/~evensven/codcheese.html". The point of the forum is for discussion about any topic relevant to the FDLFDWCTT (which, judging by some of the things discussed in some of the newsletters (i.e. petunia trampling, lifegourd, etc..) is pretty much anything), so for heaven's sakes go there and discuss! If you have any questions about anything or were curious about some obscure nitch of FDLFDWCTT policy (like for instance, when you say the acronym do you say "FDLFDWC-T-T" or "FDLFDWC-double-T"?), the forum is the place to do it. And since noone except Andrew can write newsletters, it's also the place to voice your opinion to everyone in FDLFDWCTT. So anyways, go there or be square! And now for something completely different: If anyone knows what "i.e." or "e.g." stand for, could you let me know? I'm really curious about that. Well, I suppose that's about it for now. This is Sir Reginald, Senior Member of FDLFDWCTT and guest newsletter writer, passing the gourd on to Andrew for the finishing statements or whatever it is he will put after this....

Thank you for that, Shemp. Let's have a big round of applause for Shemp, ladies and gentleman! By the way, Shemp (Noah, for those of you with really short, uh, just a second, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah! For those of you with really short memories) is the head of the FDLFDWCTTCFB, so if you happen to , uh, "discover" any other imitations out there be sure to report them to him. Also be sure to check that page periodically since I'm sure NoahShemp will be, uh, "finding" more as time goes on. Ok, next up (drum roll in the background), what you've all been waiting for, a Lifegourd update! Yes, those wild and crazy minds at the FDLFDWCTT's new Media Division, Cheese on the Wall Productions, have revised the already complex and soap opera-like story line of Lifegourd. Now, to provide counterpoint and tension to the watchfully sedate lifegourd, we will have the child be attacked by a tentacle, picked up, waved around a bit, and then pulled through the middle of the intertube. Then, in a scene fraught with emotion, the small child on the beach will stand up, look out at the forlornly floating intertube, and then walk over and shake the lifegourd chair. The gourd will be rocked back and forth, teeter on the brink, and then topple off the chair, symbolizing his recent Fall From Grace. Then the gourd will the crush the kid and his glass of lemonade will spill all over the place. I will keep you updated on the status of Lifegourd as it progresses.

Next we have a suggestion from Even Sven, who thinks that every member should build themselves a web page describing themselves, or if they don't know HTML they could just email me what they want put in a description and I'll go to the painstaking work of copying it into tripods HTML editor for them. The bio's contents are up to you, but it should include a quote, your location, how you heard about and ended up joining the FDLFDWCTT, and a list of other web pages the person has made. Or the bio could consist solely of a picture of your shoes, if you feel they say it all about you. I honestly don't care. Just send the address to me and I'll link it to the FDLFDWCTT page.

Hey, the random emailing campaign has gained us a new member! She's from Canada, was captured, er, Saved by Even Sven, and is the first member to have absolutely no connection to anyone else currently in the club. Do you know what this means? No, it doesn't mean we can't play the Kevin Bacon game now. Well, ok, it doesn't just mean that, then. It means we've gone international! It means we have a foreign ambassador! It means we have someone to ask about the Canadian Mathematical Skill Testing Question! For those of you who I have again lost, the Canadian Mathematical Skill Testing Question comes from Taco Bell. A while ago they were doing a Godzilla promotion involving these little coded tab things on their cups, and under the tab was a disclaimer. The last line of this disclaimer was: "Canadian residents required to correctly answer mathematical skill testing question prior to award of prize." This struck my friends and I as being rather funny, much the same way a semi stikes a small woodland creature, only without all the mess. We proceeded to call the taco bell 1-800 number to inquire about The Question, but they told us they "just abide by our laws, sir." This, too, was rather funny, seeing as how we're Californians and all, but that still did not answer our question. So I would be interested to know if our new member will be able to shed any light on this roadkill of a question.

Ok, I was going to put in some other things in this newsletter, but it's getting kind of long for one, it's getting pretty late for another, and I just forgot what they were for a third. Anyway, in closing, I would like to say that I have recieved an official complaint from Even Sven about an omission in the last few newsletters, which I would like to correct right now. So remember everybody, Save a Cod; Save a life.