My fellow FDLFDWCTT-ans, there exists a threat. There exists a threat to our organization, to our sensibilities, yea, to the very morals we hold so dear. That threat is Christina and her insidiously ambiguous (No, I did not have to go to the dictionary to look those up. It was a thesaurus.) "Pro-Choicers"! They are trying to keep us from the goal we have been and are continuing to valiantly strive to acheive, the goal of a glorious tommorrow (or maybe thursday) in which our children, and our children's children, heck, maybe even our parent's children, may take to the streets safe in the knowledge that they are in no danger of encountering someone driving with cod in their trousers. I submit to you that until that day (thursday) comes, we cannot rest our vigilant guard, for we are all all that stand between organized society and barbarous, trouser-flopping chaos. Imagine a world without the FDLFDWCTT; parents afraid to let their children out in the street for fear of cod-laden drivers, grown men screaming and running in terror before erradically swerving cars, the odor of fish and exhaust fumes permeating everything. Is this a future we want? I ask you, do we even have a choice? (Hint: no.) So let's get out there and fight for a brighter thursday, a cod-free thurday, a thursday in which I'll stop writing these weird newsletters and leave you people alone! By the way, I have it from a very reliable source (christina) that christina is making an anti-FDLFDWCTT website!

On now to something completely different, the Lifegourd update! We have been accepted into the Tower of Youth Film Festival! Lifegourd will play at the Crest Theater here in Sacramento in the afternoon show, on Oct. 2, which I think is a Saturday. We're gonna be on the big screen! We're gonna reach hundreds (or at least several) of people with our message! Granted, that message is "Don't use gourds as lifeguards, they tend to ignore giant tentacles and crush small children", but that isn't important. What's important is that we've entered the mass media, and are on our way to bigger and better things (I hear that such epics as "Star Wars", "Casablanca" and "American Kickboxer 1" debuted at the Tower of Youth Film Festival). Hey, go to the Even Sven's Cod Forum, at members.tripod.com/~evensven/codcheese.html, and join the raging slogan debate! Should our slogan be Save a Cod; Save a Life, or something else that has yet to be proposed? Read the opinions and make a decision, or submit your own editorial on the subject (or on some other completely unrelated subject) for us all to read. I shall stay neutral on this subject, because I certainly wouldn't want to sway anyone's decision from the SCSL camp to Noah's camp, even though he is funded by drug-running, baby killing, rainforest-defoliating, armpit scratching, fuscia-wearing Swedish people with nose hair. Be forewarned, however, that Even Sven's message has far more colon related puns than should be allowed by law.

This next section contains the true confessions which I made up of someone who has experienced cod-in-trouser driving first hand. The names are the same to embarrass all those involved.

It was horrible! I'll never forget the sound! The screech of brakes, the tearing of metal, the flapping of cod! It all started at (name omitted because I don't feel like making one up right now)'s party. I was standing in a corner with a few of my friends when this guy sidled up to us. It was Ted Koppel, the coolest guy in school! He reached into his pocket, pulled out some cod and offered it to us. My friends all took one and slipped them into their trousers, but I said "No, my parents told me I shouldn't do any of that." They all said "C'mon, all the cool guys are putting cod in their trousers and driving around." I looked around and sure enough, all the cool guys' trousers were writhing with cod as they headed out to their cars. Then I thought about this girl I , uh, admired. I looked over at her and she was draped over some obscenely muscled jock with more than just cod in his trousers, if you get my drift. So I thought "Why not?" Sure, I'd heard all the warnings, but I thought about that pumped up freak taking away my girl, even though I'd never, technically, spoken to her, and I said "Gimme that cod." I dropped it into my trousers and sauntered out to my Pinto, Mr Joe Suave Cool. I got in, made sure my girl was watching, revved it up, dropped it into gear, and roared straight into a bush. Hey, I'll have you know it had vicious thorns! So as you can see, no matter what you're friends think, cod isn't cool. I hope you can use this to spare others from what I had to go through.

Whew, that sure brought a tear to my eye. And it's happening right now around the world!

Ok, I think I'll end this newsletter soon since I have to get up early tommorrow. Lemme just say that you people are off the hook for a few weeks while I go for a sightseeing trip to Iowa ("Ooh, look, there's some corn!"), so I think you should communicate through the forum while I'm out of commission, and if you have any member profiles done just send em to Noah and he'll put em up, even though he just found out about it. Speaking of member profiles, the web page has been upgraded to include a list of members, so you can go and see your name in hypertext if you're so inclined. Anyway, I should go pack for Iowa ("Look, more corn!"), so I'll bid you all adeiu (French for "Save a Cod; Save a Life).