Hey all, I found these things on the web,
and I though they were cute. So enjoy them
yourself, and let other horse luvers know
about them too! Have fun, come back soon!
A Funny Dressage Test
BASIC LEVEL
A
Enter extraordinary serpentine.
X
Halt.
G
Try again.
C
Freeze in horror at Judge's stand. Take opportunity to salute hurriedly.
C
Track to left in counterflexed bolt.
E
Irregular polyhedron left, 20 meters, plus or minus 5 meters.
FXH
Change rein unextended jig.
H
Canter, or counter canter, or crosscanter.
M-F
Working out-of-hand gallop.
A
Just try to walk.
KXM
Tesseract, stopping at each corner to rub nose on foreleg.
C
Down center line, working trot bouncing.
X
Pulley rein. Halt. Salute, exhale.
Leave arena in free walk, loose language under breath.
A Cute Horse Poem
The ABC’s of Horses
A is for Arab, a charming old breed,
it's beauty and grace help it to succeed.
B is for Bushland, the best place to hack,
especially when the sun hits your back.
C is for Canter, the pace before bolt,
from which, most good horses will come to a halt.
D is for Dressage, equitational dance,
performed with finesse, leaves you in a trance.
E is for Equus, the first of them all,
who rose like a king even though he was small.
F is for Founder, a terrible beast,
attacking some ponies whenever they feast.
G is for Gallop, the wind in your face,
exciting and daring, my favorite pace.
H is for Noseband, I know it don't rhyme,
but the word Hanovarian's too long for this line.
I is for Idiot, you see them at shows,
their brain's never with them where ever they go.
J is for Jockey, in the sauna they hide,
controlling their weight for a Melbourne Cup ride.
K is for Knackers, they stare at the gate,
just sifting through dust while awaiting their fate.
L is for Lucerne, put meadow on top,
you cannot out smart them, they sift through the lot.
M is for Morning, so much for the calm,
and if you're like me, better set your alarm.
N is for Never, have money to burn,
'cause horses have learnt how to sap what you earn.
O is for Over, the fence on your own,
your horse looking on while you tumble and groan.
P is for puller, we've all ridden those,
especially the ones that tread on your toes.
Q is for Query, now where do I go?
Nearly always get lost when we drive to a show.
R is for Riding, for all of its woe,
there's simply no better a pastime I know.
S is for Saddle, condition it well,
or else your sore butt will repay you with hell.
T is for Trailer, another expense,
unfortunately needed to get to events.
U is for Urgently needing the loo,
always at a show, there's a massive great queue.
V is for Vet, they charge like a bull,
whenever you need them, appointments are full.
W is for Western, Rodeos are great,
except for the cowboy a steer used as bait.
X is for X-ray, now on with the cast,
this is what you get when they spook at the last.
Y is for Yearling, young Warmbloods at play,
what a great life they have, running 'round, munching hay.
Z is for Zebra, an African friend,
he's last but not least, now my rhyme's at its end.
Reading Between the Lines of Horse Ads...
Quiet- under anesthesia
Lots of spirit- full of it!
Not for beginning rider- for someone w/ good insurance.
Should mature around 16 hands- only 13.2 now, just like his daddy
Started under saddle- he's had a saddle on him
30 days professional training- they cut their losses
Easy keeper- fat
Athletic- thin
Big mover- runaway
Gaming prospect- runaway
Needs experienced rider- runaway
Big trot- won't canter, but can still runaway
Goes right on down the road- Hold on to your hat!!!
Very supple- can turn his head and bite your left foot at a dead gallop
10 signs your dressage test needs work...
1. Under judge's remarks she writes only: "nice braid job."
2. Horse confuses dressage arena rail with cavaletti; exits at K.
3.Your circle's shape remimds the judge that he should pick up eggs on the way home.
4. Your serpentine was perfect--except it was supposed to be a straight centerline.
5. Sitting trot has caused some fillings to be loosened from lower molars.
6. Your horse believes "free walk" means leaving the arena and stolling over to the nearest pacth of grass.
7. Your working trot has you working a lot more than your horse.
8. In your salute you inadvertently use your whip hand, causeing your horse to perform airs above the ground.
9. Your walk seems more "rare" than "medium."
10. Inpulsion inproves only after your horse sees monsters in the decorative shrubbery near letters.
Horse Talk
Colic--The gastrointestinal result of eating at horse show food stands.
Hobbles--The walking gait of a horse owner after her foot is stepped on by her horse.
Hock--Financial condition a horse owner's in.
Mustang--The type of horse your husband perfers: a V-8 convertible.
Overreaching--Term to explain condition of your credit cards by the end of show season.
Quittor--Word trainers commonly use to refer to those clients who come to their sences and pull horses out of their barns.
Sleeping Sickness--Insomniac disease peculiar to mare owners waiting for their mares to foal. Symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes, and a zombie like walking state. Can last several weeks or until sleep is achieved--just as mare foals.
Twisted Gut--The feeling deep inside riders get before their show classes
