This page is in a relentless state of growth.

Originally I stated here that it was my dream to create an environment on this address in cyberspace where the soul feels safe enough to explore new possibilities without fear.

It did not take long for me to realize that, while this is true, I was really talking to myself, and, trying to create a place where I could feel safe enough to explore, and heal myself.
In the final analysis I guess this is the essense of Multiple Personality Disorder, so this seems especially difficult for me. After 25 years of painful work I have moved from having 197 personalities, and personality fragments, to having 5 personalities.

Their names are:

Rachel , who contributes the ability to logically analyze situations in a dispassionate way. She is/was also my internal mother since my earliest memories. When my children were growing up Rachel was refered to as the encyclopedia.

Beckey , a young child who is seldom seen, holds the terror of the 16 years of torment, torture, and rape that we endured at the hands of my father.

Peggy, who is an outspoken 8 year old that showed us how to not let him break our spirit. One of her favorite methods was to pick her nose and save the "booger" until she could sneak it into his food somehow. Another one was to get up in the middle of the night and dip his toothbrush in the toilet. If we had ever gotten caught we would certainly have been killed. This is what made it such a powerful weapon in the fight to keep our dignity.

Naomi , is an ageless mystic. She is Sister to the Trees and the Wind. I do not really know her fully yet. But I'm learning.

And lastly me. I am the one that the other 196 personalities protected.

I’m not sure where to begin with myself. My sense of identity is not always easy for me to deal with. I am a compilation of my all personalities, including the ones that remain intact and distinct, to be sure, but that is not all I am. I am also something else and it is this "something else" that I am in the process of discovering.

I know that the common analogy for MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) is equating the ego to a water pitcher that has been dropped causing it to shatter into many pieces. I think this is a pretty good analogy. However, to extend that analogy into the therapeutic realm is silly. To think that you can take all the "pieces" of yourself and somehow "glue" them back together so that you become a whole human being holds about as much water as that pitcher would.

The whole process that I used to get to my present state is far too complicated and lengthy to deal with on these pages. I am working on a book about it, but I haven’t gotten any farther than the introduction.
I have just about given up on integration, and now focus on cooperation instead. My companions (my other personalities) and I have been teaching ourselves to think of ourselves as a dance company. We are learning to choreograph our moves, and write our own music so that even though we may all have different functions and talents, we are moving with a single purpose. So far this approach is working.
To facilitate this sense of cooperation we are developing a

---

Some Interesting Places To Visit

Tripod Home Page

Hopi Sinom

The Electric Postcard

Newspapers On The Web

Celestial Events

Pun Yin Metaphysics
(Feng Shui)
Pronounced as Fhoong Shway

---

This page was created by Gateway Creations
using Dida Pro
You can email me for information at
gateway@zelacom.com

---

Updated June 26,1996