This is the AFML's personalized list of the ways we would like to see Diana Fowley die. No real physical or other harm is intended by this list--remember, all our creative hatred is toward a surreal character, rather than a real person. :) Join us as we pursue the Delectable Demise of Diabolical Diana.

"You know what I think a more fitting end to Diana is for her to accidently get Mulder & Scully together (like in the fic) and let her suffer the way she made Scully (& us!) suffer w/the whole hand holding etc thing. THEN we throw her into the sarlacc pit where she will be digested for a thousand years!! That way she'd besuffering but no one would be bothered by her incessant wails of pain :)"

"She should die on Truth Day (6/9/99). Mulder should kill her on Truth Day, and then go do the wild thing with Scully."

"There are some natives from my country that shrink heads. We could tell them to shrink hers!"

"Why don't we just torture the bitch and the boil her and server her hot?"

"Diana Voodoo Doll, and Scully has the steel pins..."

(A bit of a shipper ending) "DBD tied to a chair and her face is shoved into a huge lemon meringue pie in which she suffocates. That way, she's dead, and covered in creamy goo. When Scully and Mulder find the body, Scully could reach out, stick her finger in the meringue and taste it and say, "Mmm, want a taste Mulder?" while offering him some to suck off her finger. Mulder then tastes and says, "Yeah, I bet this would taste good all over you, Pookie."

"How about El Chupacabra comes back and touches her? Then she would have that nasty fungus growing all over her."

"Burn her at the stake!"

"Throw water on her and see if she melts!"

"DBD should get infected by the black oil and puke it out through her eyes like ratboy did. Only she'll have to be stuck in that chamber for a long time and grow really old and gross."

"CC can take lessons from Southpark and make Diana into "The Kenny of the X-files", meaning she gets killed in every episode!!!!"

"She could meet up with Eugene victor Tooms' long lost twin brother...(or Tooms himself but he got squished)"

"She could succumb to F. Emasculata... oooh, wouldn't that be fun to watch! Diana's face disfigured by pustulating boils..."

"She comes in contact with some of the flesh-eating-virus infected money from "the Pine Bluff Variant"

"Stumbling upon a new chain of Chaco's Chicken, she is chopped into little bits and passed off as "chaco's secret recipe"... hence the name 'Kentucky Fried Fowley'"

"Diana is abducted under mysterious circumstances, (although this time Mulder doesn't seem to care much). She is experimented on, has all of her ova stolen, contracts a weird form of cancer after having a strange metallic object removed from her neck, and finally dies. (Mulder could've found a cure but he was too busy being with Scully)"

"She turns out to be a consortium spy, and tries to kill Mulder. Scully has to shoot her to save Mulder's life. As Diana falls to the ground dead, Mulder rushes to see if Scully is all right. ALTERNATE: She turns out to be a consortium spy and tries to kill Scully. Mulder has to shoot her to save Scully's life... (same ending as before)"

"COW MUTILATIONS!!! (guess who the cow is?)"

Remember that big snake from Die Hand Die Verletzt? I think she should get handcuffed to a stairway in a dark basement while a big python slithers down and swallows her.

The “Oh, that’s gotta hurt” idea: How about during one of their X-Files, the agents (including DBD) stumble onto a village that’s very medieval (caught in a medieval time warp), and the residents somehow find out that DBD is evil (ah, residents after my own true heart). They then use various means of torture on her. Specifically, I’m thinking of that good ole standard, the horse pull (where four horses pull each of your limbs until you die a painful death, and even then I’m not sure if they stop). I’m not too picky, however, because they have a lot of good torturous devices.

The Malevolently Morbid idea: During an investigation, DBD follows Scully while doing one of her autopsies. For some reason, Scully is called out during the middle of it. While Scully’s out, curiosity gets the better of DBD, and she starts looking closer at the body. Either a living creature is still inside the body, which “gets” DBD, or there is still some pathogenic organism on the body which is transferred to her. Either way, she dies a slow and painful death. Do I sense a trend with these deaths?

The “Back in the Good Ol’ Days” idea: While DBD was away in the last five years, she contracted some rare and fatal disease. Maybe she’s already dying, and the more important business she had to get back to is really to say goodbye to people. This is sounding awfully sappy. Let’s throw in a little twist. She really wants to get revenge on the world for giving her this disease, and attempts to infect as many people as possible. However, our dynamic duo discover her poisonous plans before she can do much (she had to infect a few people for them to discover the path of origin) and they have to isolate her. One of the infected people discovers her whereabouts and gives her her just deserts (Strangulation? Mutilation? Simply shot? You decide her fate as you see the infected person with eyes full of rage enter her room just before the scene fades to black).

The Almost Feasible But Yet Decidedly Deadly idea: When she was shot, there was massive blood lost. She needed a transfusion, but somehow it wasn’t screened properly, and she contracted Hepatitis B. This would be perfect, because the incubation period would allow her to be in her 6 (or 7) alloted episodes and then die from cirrhosis or liver cancer or something.

The Totally Uncreative and Never Likely to Happen idea: She gets hit by a bus while on her way to work.

DBD finally turns against the dynamic duo and takes Mulder hostage in exchange for vital evidence, but then renigs on her deal and tries to shoot him. Scully bursts in at the last second, kicks the crap out of Diana who somehow still manages to get hold of a gun. Then Mulder is forced to shoot Diana in order to save Scully. Afterwards Mulder says, "What took you so long, Pookie?" -J.R.

"We should have Diana go through everything that Scully did for Mulder. She is abducted under myterious circumstances while helping Mulder on a case, and be missing for 4 weeks, and return only to have her memory stolen along with her ova and her un-born child. She found a chip that was implanted in the back of her neck, and has it removed. She develops a cancerous tumor and is put under treatment by doctor Scanlon. This makes her cancer even worse, but she doesn't die.... she has to suffer. She then finds her un-born child and is forced to sacrifice her because she is dying too. She is too sick to go to her funeral, though so she has to stay home. While at home a virus-carring bee flys in through the window and stings her in the back of the neck. Then, someone from her building hears her scream and calls 911. She is then taken to Antarctica where she is held in a pod where she is kept in suspended animation and tested on." -The Official Non-Shipper of the AFML