Today .. (December 17,1999) .. I prayed for a comfortable transition for you to the next world..
Today ..(December 17,1999) .. I went to see you...and you did HOLD and SEE your Grandson..
(a very joyous event)
Today .. (December 17, 1999) ..I watched you SUFFER more...because some want you OFF your pain medication to give you alternative medicines..which was NOT your wish
Today ..(December 17, 1999) ..Right now....I cry because you are not happy..and you should be at peace in your final days...You say you SAW Dominique at your door and that you are ready ... She is your angel..go to her...*S*...be back tomorrow..

Today .. (December 18, 1999).. I did see you and I did nothing but think of you and wonder what you were thinking..I prayed for your peace of mind..I did not cry..

Today .. (December 19, 1999) .. I did not see you and I will NOT see you any more .. in a state of unrest~!! .. I pray for you NOT to suffer .. BUT I think to no avail..(BUT I pray anyway)..I can not cry now..another emotion has taken me over.. and I can not help you .. (as much as I would want to...I CAN'T)..~~!!!.. I will not come back to this page either until I know that you suffer NO more and you are at PEACE~~!..GO TO Dominique~!

I LOVE YOU GWEN

And I also must remember the Law of Karma

There is nothing unfamiliar about the Law of Karma...because every action that we take on...generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind..!!!!!...Every one has heard the saying... "What you sow is what you shall reap"...

Whether you like it or not...everything that is happening at this moment is a result of the choices you have made in the past. Unfortunately...a lot of us make choices unconscoiusly...and therefore we don't think they are choices...and yet THEY ARE...!!! Most of us ...as a result of conditioning...have repeated and prectible responses to the stimuli in our environment. Our reactions seem to be automatically triggered by people and circumstances...and we forget that these are still choices that we are making in EVERY moment of our existence. We are simply making these choices unconsciously.

If you step back for a moment and witness the choices you are making AS you make those choices...then in just this act of witnessing...you take the whole process from the unconscious realm into the conscious realm. This procedure of conscious choice-making and witnessing is VERY empowering...!!!!

When you make a choice...any choice at all....you can ask yourself two things........First..."What are the consequenses of this choice that I'm making ?"....In your heart you will immediately KNOW what these are.........and second..."Will this choice that I'm making now bring happiness to me and to those around me?"...If the answer is no..Then DON'T make that choice..!!!!It is THAT simple.....!!!!

There is a VERY interesting mechanism that the universe has to help you make spontaneous correct choices. The mechanism has to do with sensations in your body. Your body experiences two kinds of sensations...one is a sensation of comfort...the other is a sensation of discomfort. At the moment that you must make a choice..PAY ATTENTION to your body... and ask your body..."If I make this choice...what happens?"...If your body sends a message of comfort...that is the right choice. If your body sends a message of discomfort...then it is not the right choice.

For some people the message of comfort and discomfort is felt in the stomach area...BUT for most people it is in the area of the HEART...!!!!......So pay attention to your heart and ask your heart what to do. It may be the FAINTEST level of feeling...but it is there...in YOUR body. ONLY your heart knows the correct answer. Most people think that the heart is mushy and sentimental....BUT IT IS NOT~!!! The heart is intutive and it is holistic.

Karma is the ONLY thing that makes sense to me for all of the suffering in the world..! I can not believe that a GOD of LOVE would allow all of the suffering that I have seen..(and I have seen so much with my MOM and you)...
MY GOD is a GOD of LOVE and COMPASSION...

I have looked into my HEART and I can not SEE you suffer any more GWEN....That is MY choice..AND we will all have to deal with our karma one day..

I LOVE YOU GWEN

TODAY~~ YOU passed away

Today .. (December 22, 1999) .. I went to your bed at 8:00 am .. and I could NOT believe the change in the few days.....I CRIED SO MUCH....that I HURT for you....BUT tears are my comfort....
SO I stayed about an hour and then I left..because I DID NOT want to SEE you die....

At 4:00 pm...I called and I went back to your home....I don't know why..BUT I had to......Your breathing was so much worse than in the morning.......

AND MY dear Gwen.....at 5:00 pm.........you passed away.....with THE MOON so FULL in the sign of Cancer..on The Winter Solstice Evening

And I watched you in dismay......take your last breathe...SO that event was meant to be for me....and I have NO regrets.....

I cried ONE more time.....uncontrollably...........and
NOW I cry NO more....you are at peace and that brings me my peace for you...

Today .. (December 23, 1999) .. I went to order your bouquet of flowers
I went to tell my MOM
TOMORROW~~~~(December 24, 1999)...I will go to your funeral~~~ Christmas EVE morning at 10:00 am

I LOVE YOU GWEN.......and I CRY NO MORE

May the perpetual light shine upon you.....and may you rest IN PEACE~~~ NOW