Coming to grips.
The Chinese take away came to the door and they all ignored it. Hurt and stunned by the events none of them were sure what exactly they should do. Kayla stood in the middle of the room clutching the envelope and nobody quite knew how to approach her. Taylor lay on the couch tenderly stroking his cheek with his face furrowed. Keryn was white and rooted to the spot. It was Ike who made the move.
"Do you want me to open it or you?"
"I'm not going to open it." Came the strained reply.
"Kayla, you have to. If you don’t open it now you will never open it. We are all here for you. All you have to
do is open it, you don’t have to accept anything that’s in there."
"Maybe, Maybe Ike I don’t want to open it. Maybe I don’t want to know."
"I know you Kayla, you are going to want to know. Why not get it over with now?"
With slow deliberation Kayla turned and placed the envelope in his out-stretched hands.
"Go on then, do it."
With all the eyes on him Ike turned the enveloped right side up so the seal was facing him. He ran his hand
down the seal before tearing it open. With a flourish the crisp letterhead was in his palm. Keryn edged closer to him, Taylor sat up that bit taller, attempting to get a glance. Kayla stayed still. Without even the flutter of an eyelash.
"I'm going to get the food."
As she departed the room the others drew closer as Ike began to read aloud....
To My Daughter,
How do you address a letter to a daughter you hardly know? It took me long enough to write your mothers
letter and that was more of a joyous parting. To tell you I'm sorry would be an insult to you. You have
suffered more hardship in this family than anyone. And it is now, and now only that I can give you the truth.
Knowing your mother she will have delivered this letter, even if it is months later, she will not fail to make sure it reaches you.
I married your mother in the Spring on '78. We were young and in love. We defied everything to get married.
She was from the elite class, while I was a blue collared laborer. Meeting in Sydney we quickly escaped to America to avoid our parents. We were happy for a while. By '82 things were falling apart, the rift between our classes was evident and I missed Australia. I forced her to come on a trip home hoping to relight the fire. It failed. We resorted to having a child to bring something into the marriage. Once you were born your mother couldn’t handle it. Within months I took you back to Australia to leave you with your aunt. It wasn’t until Mauro died and you followed Dan here that we even began thinking about you again.
I know this must hurt. But I know that you have a close group of friends and that girl, Keryn, will be there for you.
It is now, that I decided that there is nothing more in this life for me. I have thrown my chance away with you
and your mother is too disillusioned to see clearly anymore.
I'll always be with you,
Your Father
A collective sigh was lost by the three readers.
"He committed suicide." was Keryn's hushed comment.
Behind them something fell to the floor. Rice rolled out over the rug as a distraught Kayla fell to her knees. She had heard everything. Without a word Ike carried the weakened girl to their room.
As the sobbing became softer Taylor and Keryn began to talk.
"I can't even imagine what she must be feeling. It's amazing that through such a screwed up life she has come out on top."
"Taylor, she ignores it, that’s how. One day, and maybe today is that day everything is going to hit her."
"Well at least someone will be here for her."
"He remembered my name Taylor. He wasn’t like her. I can’t understand why such a man would ever fall in love with her mother. She is a tyrant."
"Opposites sometimes attract."
They sat in silence for a second as Ike walked back into the room.
The frustrating throb of the clock ticking on the wall was getting the better of everyone. Keryn felt like she
was about to go over and start brutally bashing the wall.
Keryn glanced over at Isaac and then at Taylor. She couldn’t help but think of the disasterous day they had
witnessed. All of them, in some way or the other. Taylor had the physical scars to prove it. Kayla had the mental scars. Keryn and Ike were just simply caught in the middle of it all.
Keryn sighed and looked at the time the annoying clock was beating off.
"How is she?" Keryn finally broke the silence.
"Don’t ask," Ike said, slowly. "She was a mess when I left her. But, I think, she is finally just going off to sleep."
"Good," Taylor nodded.
He didn’t really know what else to do. He didn’t feel as close to Kayla as the others were. He had never got
to know her as much as Zac or Ike did. He couldn’t help but think back on the time that he had comforted Kayla when she was crippled with Daniel problems in a few months ago. That was the only real moment he shared with her. She had just gotten off the phone and she’d cried her heart out as they sat in the Hanson’s living room. Taylor sighed and looked at the blank television screen.
"I’ll be back," he murmured, standing up and walking towards the hall.
Taylor looked at the frailed figure on the bed.
She must feel so alone, Taylor thought. He walked around to the other side of the bed, where she was facing the cupboard.
"Remember that time?" Taylor asked, as he lowered himself to the floor. "That time you fell asleep on me?"
He heard nothing for at least a minute. Sighing, he started to pick at the carpet. "Remember Kayla."
Taylor twisted around to see if she was awake.
She looked so peaceful. But there was something inside of him that sensed that she was awake in there. She
had to stop avoiding everything. She had to get it all out in the open.
"Kayla. . ." Taylor watched. The tear stained face didn’t move.
Taylor reached over and gently stroked the tears away from her face.
"Please," he hesistated. "I know you’re awake."
Kayla’s eyes unlocked themselves as he wiped away the last tear. "Go away Taylor," her voice was strained.
"No."
"Taylor. . . Go," her voice was almost silent as she croaked out the words.
Taylor reached out, clutching her back and pulling her down onto the floor. Her body seemed too weak to
fight back, but he could see on her face that she didn’t want to be on the floor.
"Why do you want me to go?" Taylor asked, softly.
"Never mind," Kayla brought her legs up to her chest, hugging them tightly.
"No, I want to hear," he continued his softness.
She looked into his eyes for a moment and then snapped away. "I can’t."
Taylor reached down and picked up her hand. "You can."
Kayla pulled out of his small embrace and looked out the window. "You see," she started, shuffling into
another postion. "Everything I touch melts. I mean, I feel like when I walk out of that door every morning I
have hot, powerful beams of sun sparking off me. But not happy sun," she looked to see if he was listening.
Taylor nodded, completely absorbed in what she was saying.
"It’s sun that is destroying. Like meteors. All I have to do is stand there and someone gets hurt. They get
melted." Taylor saw a tear slide down her face. "First it happened to Dan, and now my father. My father,
Taylor. My own father." She wiped the free falling tears from her eyes, trying not to get hysterical.
"Go on," was all Taylor could think up at the moment. He had to let this tension out of her.
"Well, what I want to know is. . . why?" Kayla focused on the corner of her cupboard. "Why on this earth
does everything I touch, everything I come near to, everything I try to achieve, everything I love, turn to
stone? I stuffed up with Isaac last week. Daniel killed himself. My father killed himself. I practically spat my mother out the door. I swear sometimes Keryn only feels sorry for me and you. . ." she looked at him.
"You even hate me."
Her falling tears become slightly more violent. This time, he reached out and wiped them away again.
"Where did you get that idea?!"
Kayla looked up at Taylor. "You never speak to me. You really hurt me that day on the ship, when you
shouted. And just. . . everything."
Taylor sighed and wondered where she was getting her information from.
"Kayla, dont even begin to believe that. Would I seriously be here if I didnt care?"
"Youre just like Keryn, feeling sorry for me." Taylor reached out and pulled her towards him, lying her across his legs, allowing her head to fall onto his chest.
"You know that’s not true. Kayla, everyone loves you."
"No. Everyone that says they love me kills themselves," she said flatly. Taylor started to rock her as he felt the tears flooding through his shirt.
"Ssshh. . . come on, you are a perfect person. There is no need for you to cry. You just have to go on with your life. Put it behind. Those people
didn’t take their lives for you, they took it from you. They took it because they couldn’t deal with themselves, not you."
He heard a slight muffled blubber from his shirt.
"You know how you were saying about the sun?"
He heard the muffled blubber again.
"You are the happy sun, Kayla. You’re nothing but the happy sun. . . you’re so lucky."
Kayla’s tear stained face emerged from Taylor’s shirt.
"No Taylor. You better get away before you suffer some sort of temptation to run and slash your wrists,"
Kayla cried.
"No. No dang way Kayla. You’re really great. Believe in yourself. I came in here cause I wanted to tell you
that. I wanted you to know what you mean."
"You really think that?"
"I do," Taylor nodded with all of his sincerity.
Kayla got up on her knees and threw her arms around Taylor, tightly. "Thank you."
"Believe in yourself," Taylor said, patting her on the head. "You’re Ike’s world. Know that."
Taylor walked back into the lounge room to see Ike and keryn sitting on the floor eating the chinese. The both looked up quickly when Taylor walked in.
"How is she?" Ike quickly ask.
"Go and see her Ike."
Ike dropped his chopsticks and was out of the room before the others realised he'd gone.
"What did you did Tay? Is she ok?"
"I just told her what she meant to all of us, sometimes she forgets."
As Taylor sat down Keryn just stared at him. She felt so incredibly lucky to have someone who cared so much as hers. Oblivious to her thoughts Taylor sat down next to her, patted her on the knee, and began to eat. They both sat in the darkened room, reflecting on they day. Keryn leant towards him. Together they sat just happy that they had survived all the hell of the day together.
"Taylor?"
"MmmHmmm."
"I dont know how to say this.....but you know about the other night?"
"Yeah..?" He looked up and gave Keryn his ultimate attention.
"Well, I sorta feel stupid...I mean we had only been going out for a few days.. and I think that-"
"Keryn, we've known each other for practically all of our lives...it wasnt a one off thing...it was..special."
Keryn smiled...
"Thats all I needed to hear."
Ike pushed the door open slowly....she looked asleep, almost.
"Kayla?"
She rolled over and smiled...
"Ike, I am so sorry. I really wallow in my pains dont I?"
As he sat next to her he stroked her hair.
"Dont worry Kayla, you had an awful day it's expected and I am always here fro you, we all are. Dont ever feel that you are alone. Ever."
Kayla sat up in bed and they hugged. Even in paradise things go wrong, and even in hell the light shines through.
chapter fourty two
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