“Keryn, where were you this afternoon?” She called through the house, assuming her roommate was home. Kayla glanced at the clock. 11.30pm. “Keryn?” She raised her brow in confusion.
Kayla took a breath and walked down toward the bedroom Keryn should be accommodating. The bed was as neat as when it had been left this morning and the bags that sat on the floor next to the door had vanished. Kayla rested her hands on top of her head and shut her eyes. “What the . . .?”
Kayla warily walked over to the bed and slipped a blue note off the mattress. “I can’t believe this,” Kayla murmured, unfastening the seal.
Kayla,
God, I’m sorry. You probably think
I’m well past the mere psychotic
stage. I’ll call when I reach my
destination.
Love,
Keryn.
x - o - x
“Oh crap,” Kayla fell onto the bed. “She left the country without even saying good bye?”
Kayla was worried about Keryn. Ever since she found out she hadn’t shown anything but the initial emotion. There was a fixed idea in her head and nothing was going to stop her from doing what she decided; going to Australia.
Kayla sighed and walked out of the room, turning around and taking one last look at the space before she shut the door and walked down the darkened hall. She walked back into the living room, switching off the stereo and cuddling back into her blanket. She pressed play on the VCR and closed her eyes.
“I give up, I don’t even care anymore,” Taylor threw the phone down on his bed. “I mean, if she cared, or loved, or whatever, she would’ve heard me out.”
“Taylor, it will be resolved soon. Don’t worry about it,” Ike said, trying to sooth his voice.
“I know,” Taylor sighed. “You think she’d trust me after all these years.”
“Taylor, stop. You can’t really expect much. Put yourself in her place and try and imagine what she’s thinking right now.”
“I seriously hate to think, man,” Taylor ran his hands through his hair. “Seriously.”
Keryn sat on the bed in the hotel she rented for the night. Her somewhat disposable income was decreasing rapidly and the expensive overseas plane ticket for tomorrow night still sat in her bag. The current question was, whether to cash it in or not. She got up and opened one of the cupboards. Empty. She walked over to the window and pulled the drape across.
The surreal feeling of finally living a Tulsa night again after such a long time had been lingered over with such a dark cloud. But, it still made her smile when she walked toward the window and breathed in the fresh, night air.
From the position she was standing, she could see the soft lights of the city. If she counted out the houses from the large tree in front of her, she would be able to see the Hanson residence.
Her long breath was shaky as she moved away from the window.
She scooped up her room key from the table and walked out the door. In the small parking lot outside she could see three cars, their windows misted over. Her shoes crunched against the rough gravel as she made her way toward the street.
Keryn hugged her body as a slight chill rushed down the street. She tied her hair up and sped up until she reached the small 7 Eleven store.
The warm light of the store caused her to squint her eyes when she walked in, facing the large food selection.
She didn’t feel like hot dogs, she didn’t feel like anything really. She made a mental note to go to the magazine isle as she walked up and down the variety of junk food available to drown in. She retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge and placed it in her basket and made her way to the biscuit isle to meet her Oreo craving.
She scanned the selection of biscuits until she came to what she wanted, throwing the cookies into her basket.
“Keryn?”
Keryn stared intently at the Oreos, not wanting to turn around. The voice behind her was unusually unfamiliar, but whoever it was, they knew her. Therefore, being within six degrees of separation with the Hanson family.
Keryn turned around cautiously and looked at the girl. There was a beam of pain that shot straight through her, causing her to drop her basket on the tiled floor. “Margo?” “Taylor got you hooked on Oreo’s too, huh?” She said smugly. “I didn’t know you were back in town.”
Keryn took a breath to compose herself and bent over to pick up her cookies and water. “It’s just a short visit . . . um, how’s the baby?” Keryn couldn’t describe what came over her. She had every desire to just spit it out.
Margo’s eyes glistened as she looked sadly down at her stomach and tried to put on a brave face. “Okay.”
Keryn noticed her morbid expression. “Are you alright?” A wave of guilt washed over her as she realised Margo probably didn’t purposely get pregnant to spite her. She was probably having worse a time than anyone could ever imagine.
“Well, I’m a little worried. I don’t know, it’s hard.”
Keryn ached. “You won’t have to be worried, Margo,” She took another shaky breath. “Taylor will be great as a father--and, well, you won’t have to worry about it. He’ll be great. I’ve always imagined him as gorgeously paternal, you guys will have a great life.” Keryn could feel the babbled words coming out of her mouth.
Margo shot her head up. “What?”
“Taylor and the baby. You’ll make a great family.”
Margo stared at Keryn’s basket as the water bottle rolled from one side to the other. “Yeah, he . . . he said he’s looking forward to it.” Something dropped from above and took a huge arrow and shoved it right through Keryn’s heart. And that was only half the pain she was feeling now.
“Well, I better go.” Keryn nervously swung her basket. “Don’t tell Taylor I’m in town. I just had to say good bye to a few people.”
“If you insist.” Margo obtained a packet of Oreo’s and placed them in her cart.
“Look after yourself,” Keryn smiled forcedly and turned away.
“Thanks. You too.”
Keryn rushed the cashier and paid for her food.
When outside she realised the fog of her life had lifted. Whatever Taylor was going to do, it couldn’t be with her. She wanted him to more than anything. But she couldn’t ever take away the happiness of that unborn child. It would just hurt everyone.
Kayla paced up and down in her room. She was getting more and more worried every minute that went by. Each minute meant Keryn was flying further on her plane... further away. Kayla didn’t even know where. Her ticket for Sydney was for tomorrow so she couldn’t have gone there unless she had changed the ticket. Staring at her phone it suddenly dawned on her. The phone was off the hook. Running into the kitchen she slammed down the un-hung receiver. It rang immediately.
"Keryn?" She demanded.
"She’s still missing, huh?"
"Oh, Charlie... yeah, sorry about that, did I deafen you?"
"Partially, but I’ll live."
"Sorry."
"Hey, No problem. Look I don’t think you need to be disturbed right now. I’ll ring you another day.."
"No, I need to be disturbed. I am thinking to much. Keryn will ring me, she always does its just going to take some time it seems."
"Well in that case, want some company?"
"Thank God you took the hint. The address is..."
"Hey."
"Kayla. Jesus I am so sorry."
"Keryn!! Where are you? Do you know the amazing fret levels I am going through."
Keryn smiled at how well she knew her friend.
"Yes, that’s why I’m ringing."
"Well thanks for the consideration."
"Look, I don’t mean to be like this. I’m in Tulsa"
"Tulsa? What the hell are you doing in Tulsa. You swore you would never see him again. Keryn you swore. You NEVER swear."
"I m not seeing him... I am spying on him."
"Oh please, that, even for you, is pathetic. If you have gone all that way you really just want to speak to him. For the love of God if the bastard means that much to you see him."
"Bastard?"
"Well look what he’s done. This is more Dan than Tay."
"Kayla."
"Keryn if you prove me wrong I will be overjoyed, but at the moment anyone who impregnates some girl, gets with another, lies about it does not deserve my sympathy. Especially if the girlfriend is my best friend."
"Okay, Okay. I’ll ring you tomorrow."
"Be true to yourself Keryn. Don’t let anyone walk over you."
"Not planning on. Talk to you tomorrow. Bye."
"Take care, bye."
Kayla hung up the phone and sighed. This was all too much. The doorbell rang.
"Hi Charlie, welcome to the house or madness."
"Sounds just like mine." They laughed.
"Actually Keryn just rang, she’s in Tulsa."
"Tulsa?"
"Yeah I know, Its confusing. But I’m trying not to think about it. As long as I know she’s okay."
"I can understand that."
They stood in the doorway both feeling a tad uncomfortable.
"Well, "Kayla said moving towards the kitchen, "Want a drink?"
"Sure... anything’ll do."
Kayla pulled the fridge door open and scrambled around for some coke. She couldn’t find any, tossing a fosters to Charlie, she settled on water.
"You don’t drink?"
"Well, not today. I don’t feel like it."
Charlie followed Kayla into the living room where Kayla cleared enough space on the coffee table for them to put their glasses down. Charlie picked up a few of the magazines around the floor.
"So I take it you and Keryn play tennis."
"Oh, um well yeah we play, but not very well. One of our friends, well a sorta friend, is a new player on the ATP circuit."
"Wow, so you have friends high up."
"Yeah... I like how you put that!! Nah, well Charlie tell me about yourself you practically know everything that has happened in my life for the past... actually everything and I know nothing about you. Spill."
"Well, I’m Canadian.."
"Yeah I thought so, you say some words differently."
"Glad you noticed! What else, the only thing in my life that has been slightly traumatic was my parents divorce and I can hardly remember that. So basically I am your all around good Canadian boy."
Kayla raised her eyebrows.
"Okay maybe not good."
The laughed again.
"You know what Charlie, Keryn is going to tell me off when she finds out I made another random friend and brought him here. She is always telling me that I need to be a bit more careful."
"Oh, so you usually go around picking up guys."
Kayla was a bit taken aback. "Not picking up guys. I didn’t pick you up."
"Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, I know you’re seeing someone."
There was an uncomfortable silence.
"Well Kayla, I must say I am very good at getting myself into these sorts of situations."
"Don’t worry about it, we’re friends we can laugh it off."
They looked at each other for a second before collapsing into giggles.
The cool Tulsa air was gently blowing over as she huddled next to the tree, looking down the street.
The Hanson house was lit, sending soft reflections onto the dark road. It seemed so much like home. She took another sip of her water.
“What am I doing?” Keryn whispered, moving out onto the pavement.
She straightened herself up and started to walk down the street. The fast clanking of her shoes echoed through the neighbourhood as she came closer to the house.
Did she have any right to be here?
Every feeling told her to turn. Walk away. Flee the country.
Keryn took a breathe and turned to the direction she came from.
Keryn sighed again and slowly walked away from the house.
She stumbled as she got to the curb and turned back to the house.
Taylor was in there.
She had no idea in the world what Taylor would be thinking right now. Who he would be thinking of.
“Erm, can I help you?” A familiar voice whispered from behind her. Sprung. There was a pause. “Hello - miss?”
He didn’t know who she was. She could just ditch Zac and run. But she didn’t have the heart. She began to turn slowly, revealing her face as it reflected in the darkness. “Wow,” Zac appeared stunned.
“Yes, I’m back. I was just going actually,” Keryn stared at her shoes. “Yeah.”
“Are, Are you here to stay?” Zac ran his hand through his hair. He had no idea whether she’d been in the house or not.
“Well, Tulsa? No. I think I’ll leave the country,” Keryn sounded as drastic as possible.
“No, you can’t do that!” Zac reached out and clasped his hand around Keryn’s arm.
“Zac, what the hell do you think you’re doing? Let me go!” Keryn shrieked.
“Have you spoken to Taylor?”
“Why would I speak to him?”
“Because I have a big mouth!” Zac started to pull Keryn toward the house.
“Don’t you dare, Zachary.” Keryn screamed. She didn’t understand when he’d become so strong.
“I’m taking you inside. You can’t fight me.” Keryn observed the situation. He was roughly almost the same height as her and he was double her strength. She’d probably fall over trying to defend herself.
“Zac, respect your elders or something like that!”
Zac rolled his eyes and turned to Keryn. “You’re coming inside with me.” Zac turned and looked out onto the street. “No, wait,”
Keryn looked at him anxiously. “What?”
“Why did you come back here?”
Keryn rolled her eyes and Zac loosened his grip. “All the wrong reasons.”
“If it had anything to do with my brother, the least you could do is see him!”
Keryn felt Zac tighten his grip as he turned the front door knob. It was now, or never.
“I can hear something, can you hear something?” Taylor rolled over and looked at Isaac in his bed.
“What?” Isaac groaned and rolled over. He glanced at the clock and rubbed his eyes. He’d fallen asleep in the afternoon.
“I heard a noise.”
“What did it sound like?”
“Someone sneezing.” Taylor answered, crinkling his eyebrows.
“Did you think for one minute that perhaps it was just someone downstairs - sneezing?” Isaac said with a tone of sarcasm in his voice.
“Maybe I just have to loosen up... where’s Zac?”
“He went for a walk ages ago. He’d be back now,” Isaac thought for a moment. “Maybe he’s the phantom sneezer?”
Taylor threw a pillow at his brother. “Whatever.”
“Ewww... Zacccc!” Keryn cringed. “Get your hands away from mine... You sneezed all over me! I’m not your tissue!” She continued to whine.
“It’s not like I meant to, it just kind of happened.”
“Please, just let me go,” she pleaded.
“You’ll run away.” Keryn thought for a moment. She probably wouldn’t run, but Zac’s grip was acting as her savior at the moment. It was holding her within reach of the only one she loved.
“Whatever Zac,” she hid her feelings. The house was so comforting. It felt exactly like the last time she was here. The time where she also ran from her problems. When they first discovered each other... the first time anything really happened. What did she do? Fly back to California.
Zac headed for the stairs as the butterflies surged through Keryn’s stomach. This was the moment of truth. She felt herself being dragged up the stairs, in a gentle Zac kind of way, but she couldn’t feel anything else. The background sounds had vanished and everything was blank.
Zac released his grip and Keryn slid down the wall, outside the boy’s bedroom, sitting her water by her side. She stared at the picture on the wall as she heard the angelic muffled voices of the brothers inside the room.
“Zac, man, what do you want?” Taylor looked up at his brother when he came into the room.
“Sneezed lately?” Ike chuckled, eyeing Taylor.
He looked at his brother questioningly and brushed his hand through his hair. “Hey, Ike, can I see you for a second outside?”
“Oh geez, don’t leave me out or anything,” Taylor flung back on the bed.
“Sure, bud.” Ike got up from the bed and started to walk toward the door.
“Where are you going?” Taylor asked, hurt that he was being excluded.
“It’s a present Taylor, a present.” Zac waved off his brother and entered the hallway.
He took a deep breathe and turned to Isaac. “Zac, what are you playing at?”
“There’s someone here to see Taylor.”
“Who?”
Zac half smiled and looked down at the floor. “Her.”
“Holy shit,” Isaac was even more stunned.
“My name is not ‘her’” Keryn innocently stated, looking at Zac.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“Well, nothing,” Keryn slid up the wall. “That was until your brother found me, gagged and dragged me up the stairs.”
“He is going to be so happy to see you,” Isaac gestured toward the bedroom door.
“Considering I even want to see him,” Keryn eyed the floor.
Isaac stared at Zac and he shook his head.
“What?” Keryn asked.
“Go in there an see him,” Zac said.
“Go,” Ike agreed.
“I feel sick,” Keryn whined, her nerves were getting the better of her.
“Go.”
Keryn sighed and turned the door knob.
“That was quick - you’re discussing presents? What the hell presents were you discussing?”
Keryn cleared her throat.
“You know, you really should do something about that croak, Zac. You sound like a girl.”
Taylor continued to look out the window.
“You’re quiet - what happened?” As he spoke Keryn held her breath. He almost turned around that time.
“Sh - Shouldn’t I ask you the same question?” Keryn quivered.
Taylor fell off his bed, causing a thump, earthquaking through the room.
He slowly retrieved himself and stayed over by the window.
“What are you doing here?”
“Mmm mm.” Keryn shrugged.
“You cross the country and that’s all you have to say?” Taylor ran his hand through his hair. Keryn’s feelings were hard to control - she felt she needed him. If she couldn’t have him, she could never see him again. Being in the same room was painful.
“I just thought I needed to see you. See how I felt.”
“And how do you feel?”
“Sick with love,” Keryn sighed as a tear rolled down her cheek. She could always tell him anything.
He nodded and looked toward the phone on Ike’s dresser. “Your phones been off the hook since the other night?”
“Well, I didn’t feel like talking.”
“Well, you see,” Taylor sighed and looked out the window. “I kinda did.”
“W-why?” Keryn stared at the floor. “I can’t believe you did that. I thought you liked me before we got together.”
“Keryn, I needed to speak to you the other night.”
“Why?”
“You know how sometimes when people get the information second hand, they shouldn’t believe it. That’s because the information is not always entirely true.”
Another tear rolled down Keryn’s cheek. “What are you saying?”
“I was the only one for you. I can’t believe you didn’t trust me.”
“What are you saying?” Keryn repeated, tears flowing freely.
“I’m saying that Zac was wrong. Zac didn’t know the details. I hardly pecked Margo on the cheek. That doesn’t classify as the means for making a whole baby.”
Keryn’s legs collapsed and she fell to the bed. “You mean?”
“Yes, I mean.” Taylor turned and looked out the window.
It had never occurred to Keryn that Taylor was being true to her the whole time. She’d jumped to all conclusions possible. Now she was in a mess. How could she do that to him?
Keryn got up from the bed and walked over to Taylor. “I’m so sorry, I love you.”
She touched his shoulder. Her hand was shoved away quicker than it came.
She crumbled to tears again.
“I can’t believe you thought that of me.”
“I’m sorry,” She couldn’t control her voice. “I’m sorry.” She tried to wrap her arms around him.
“I don’t want you to touch me.”
“Please... I’m sorry.”
Taylor looked down at her. His bright blue eyes had turned into what looked like the fury before a storm. “You hurt me. You didn’t give me a chance. You didn’t trust me. Analyse that. What does it say for our future?”
Keryn looked up at him and quickly snapped away. “I was stupid. Please, give me a chance.”
“I just want to be alone.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Please Taylor. I love you.”
“Love. Is that what you call it?” Taylor moved away from her. “I’m going.”
“Please, don’t.” Keryn sat down on the floor.
She heard the door slam and again, the muffled voices of the boys outside the room. This time it was far from angelic.