Comments/Questions: bonjovi@earthling.net
So, Jon, how are you feeling?
"Right now, I feel really shit."
Oh, grrreat!
"It's really weird I feel like I'm
gonna pass out. (Looking wobbly) Man, I'm dripping with sweat."
Still, it'll make great copy if
you puke out the window!
"Yeah, cool, so he dies during his
last interview. Yeah, man, 'He died eating a Snickers bar!' You could
get rich from this!"
So, here we are, me and the King of Rock (tm) in the back of this flash Mercedes limo-thing, cruising down the German autobahn, from Hamburg to Jon's swank hotel in Bremen, where he's due to play the 12th night of his 12-month world tour to promote These Days, Bon Jovi's seventh album.
He's feeling sick, tired, hay-feverish, he's got dark glasses on to hide his runny eyes and he's stuffing chocolate into his mush in an attempt to cure his nausea. Nonetheless, he's still gorgeous and when he opens that chocolaty mouth and out oozes that New Joisey, laid-back drawl... well, I feel a little flush myself.
And not surprisingly really. You see, over the years, Smash Hits has interviewed Sir Jon a number of times, and has managed to upset and outrage the fella with out "intrepid" journalism every single time. Still, here I am: my task to be diplomatic, while asking him some questions about the color of his pants. Gulp. Here goes!
All this touring must be a bit
of a pain in the pants, huh?
The traveling and the other 22 hours
of the day, in general, really stink. Well, with one exception --
I have friends in different countries, that's the good thing. And
I have a car here! My '58 Corvette!
So do you get bored performing
and start thinking, about, say, what you're having for your tea?
Oh yeah, oh yeah! It's not
that you're bored exactly, but it's so funny sometimes that you can switch
channels and look out at the beer stand and think, "Jeesh I wonder if they
do good bratwurst?" and still never miss a note.
So, on stage, you often think
"Hm, sausages!"?
Yeah, man, it's like you've got
a split personality, like, "I'm hungry"!
Have you ever been sick in your
snakeskin boots, or maybe taken some "bad medicine"?
We've done all those stupid cliché
things, we've been thrown out of hotels, and all that goofy shit, y'know,
got drunk everywhere...
Thrown a TV out of the window?
No, I don't think we've ever gone
that Spinal Tap (the comedy film about a "typical" metal band).
But I think every rock band should experience those moments of reckless
abandon. But we do other things now, I mean how many times would
you want to throw the TV out of the window?
Your life's not on big rock opera,
then?
It can be, it's what you make it.
I mean, it really is living a fantasy life, there's no doubt about it.
Shit, I recommend this job to anybody!
Have you ever done a song where
you've thought, oh lordy, "did I do THAT!"?
I think that there're songs that
don't come across as good as others...
Well, what about R2D2 -- I
Wish You A Merry Christmas, that you recorded for the Star Wars
Christmas Album?
Hey, I'm not embarrassed by that!
You know no shame, then?
I got paid $180, that was a big
deal in 1980. I knew what it was to go hungry and I was trying to
get my demo heard at the time.
Have you ever contemplated a change
of image, y'know, may I'll try some really tight trousers?
I think it was the first record
where we just looked like what we are and it wasn't working so we thought,
"Oh man, we've gotta be like those LA bands and dress like your little
sister dresses," so we did, and then thought, "Oh, man, this is weird,
if we went back to a bar in New Jersey we'd get our arses kicked in."
So we got rid of that shit.
OK, so what was your most embarrassing
garb?
There's pictures...they still haunt
me.
Tight pants?
Y'know, girlie make-up, lipstick,
hairspray and stuff like that. Occasionally I'll see an old picture
around and just wanna throw up.
(Casually) Um, I heard
a rumor recently that your hair had caught on fire at Bruce Springsteen's
BBQ...
OH, MAN! You guys in the English
press... are full of the biggest BULLSHIT that ever was and she (indicating
PR woman who set up the interview) makes me talk to Smash Hits!
(Pummels
back of seat)
PR lady: Sorry, I'll won't
do it again!
(impersonating PR woman)
"Na na na... you have to talk to Smash Hits..." OH MAN!
(Cowardly) I apologize
for my very existence...
Don't ask me that goofy DUMB English
press stuff, that's NOT true.
Still, it's not as dumb as...
THE NEXT QUESTION!
Hahahahaaa! (Nervously)
Alright
them, what's the daftest rumor you've heard about yourself? Er, it
probably all generates from the dumb English press...
(Chortling) True, true, true.
The hair burning off at the BBQ... Cindy left Richard Gere for me... all
that kind of shit, I've heard it all. I don't make a big deal of
it, there's worst rumors said about other people... poor Richard Gere (there
were folks who claimed Mr Gere put furry animals up his bum by way of a
hobby), and there was some other guy, right up there with the Gere
thing... who was it, recently (thinks)...? Oh, I can't remember.
See! It just goes to show how much I care about that stuff!
I heard you lark about doing Italian
mafia-style impressions, like in Mean Streets...
Nah, bullshit.
You can't do one?
(Sulkily) No.
Go on.
(Silence)
Weren't you worried your wife
would beat you up after snogging Cindy C on that video?
(Still sulking) No, not at
all.
'Cos she's a karate expert...
She is. (Stares out of window)
So, she's never thrown you about
the living room?
No, she hasn't. Thank goodness.
Whaddya think of Take That?
I've only just found out who they
are -- kind of sound like NKOTB, eh?
Well there's five of them, good-looking...
The Jackson Five, right?!
Mmm, kind of.
Ah well, he may never heard of Take
That but the King Of Rock (tm) , doesn't care.
He's playing to millions of people this year -- 56,000 of them are
waiting for him now. Time for just one more question:
About Bruce's BBQ again, Jon...
Mr Jovi... King Of Rock, Sir...? Oh, he appears to have gone!
