IRISH jokes!

• An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in you religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...Have you actually tasted it?" The Rabbi said, " I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occaision." Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too.....I know you're supposed to be celibate. But..."The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice." There was silence for a while. then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"
• Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled "Mick! I lost me finger!" "Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinneng thing here like this... Damn! There goes another one!"
• What are the best ten years of an Irishmans life? Third grade.
• Concerning bagpipes : The Irish invented them and gave them to the Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven't seen the joke yet.
• Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agents hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agend and asked, "Have I got all ye say there?" The agent said, "Certainly ye have....Why do you ask?" Replied Murphy, "Cancel teh sale...'tis too good to part with."
• Paddy andMick were approaching a Londonderry pub which had been destroyed by a Protestant bomb only minutes before. As they passed, a head rolled out of the smoldering ruins and across the pavement before them. Paddy stooped, picked it up and held it for Mick to see. "Shure now Mick, isnt this Sean Murphy?" "No, Paddy, no, it couldnt be. Its an amazin' resemblance, but Murphy was taller than that".
• How can you identify an Irish pirate? Hes the one with patches over both eyes.
• Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. he was placed in a lineup with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into the room. Paddy jumped forward, and screamed "That's her! That's her! I'd recognise her anywhere!"
• Tim Kelly was walking through a dim passageway when someone spoke to him. "Good evening, Kelly," said the muffled figure. " Dont ye be knowin' your old friend Gogan anymore?" Kelly stared at Grogan, whose face was a patchwork of bandages and adhesive plaster. One arm was in a sling and he was leaning on a crutch. "Saints!" cried Kelly. "was ye hit by a traing, Grogan, or did ye merely jump from a trestle?" " It could've been both," said Grogan, " considering the feel of it. But the truth is, I was in bed with Murphy's wife when Murphy himself comes in with a murtherin' big shillelagh in his hand, and the inconsiderate bastard beat the livin' bejazus outa me!" " He did indade," said Kelly. " But could'nt ye defend yourself, Grogan? Hadn't ye nothin' in your hand?" "Only Mrs Murphy's ass " said Grogan. "Its a beautiful thing in itself, but, not worth a pinch of shit in a fight!

LinkExchange Member

Crawl on back to the jokes directory

Email: warre_ba@lab.eng.usyd.edu.au