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These are some quotes from The Simpsons. Feel free to use these on your own web page, but please link back to my main page.
Lisa (reading invitation): "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."
Bart: What's that extra B for?
Homer: That's a typo.
Homer: (Offering Lisa a donut.) Donut?
Lisa: Uhh... got any fruit?
Homer: This one has purple in it. Purple's a fruit.
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal.

Doctor: (Eating a hot dog) Delicious!
Homer: I've got the presciption for you, Doctor... another hot beef injection! (Hands him a hot dog)
Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?
Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?
Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper!
Homer: Oh, now who's being naive?
Mr. Burns (Golfing with Homer): Use an open-faced club! A sand wedge!
Homer: Mmmmm... open-faced club sandwich.

Homer: Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, could you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell dad I'll only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat products.
Bart: You dunkin your sausages in that syrup, Home boy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not talking to me, and secondly, I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Ah, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to,
Homer: Bart, go to your room!

Homer: (Singing) I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!
Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that... building... thingie... where our beds and TV... is.
Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Homer: Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? Homer: Mmmm... invisible cola.
Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Homer: Mmmm... free goo.
Big brother representative: Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you're here?
Homer's brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.
Homer: Ummm... revenge?
Homer's brain: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here. (step step step step step... slam)
Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
Homer's Brain: It's a deal!
Homer: But Marge! I was a political prisoner!
Marge: How were you a political prisoner?
Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a picture?
Homer: Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer)
Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Ooo, that's bad.
Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate...
Homer:
Old man: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?
Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Homer's brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!
Reporter: Don't you think it's dangerous to send civilians into space?
Homer: I'll handle this... the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes... wait a minute. Statue of Liberty... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! (Starts sobbing uncontrollably)
Homer: Awww... 20 dollars!? I wanted a peanut.
Homer's brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: WOO HOO
Homer: (On George Bush) I didn't vote for him!
Marge: You didn't vote for anybody.
Homer: I voted for Prell to go back to the old glass bottle. Then I became deeply cynical.

Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.
Homer: What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here, anyway.
Marge: Homer, did you call the audience "Chicken"?
Homer: No! I swear on this bible!
Marge: That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples.
Homer: Mmmm... fuzzy.
Homer (Looking at a "nudie deck"): "The girls of the internet." Ooh, I'd go online with them anyday!
Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes.
Homer: But the car's okay?
Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.

Homer: Mmmmm... reprocessed pig fat...
Bart Blackboard Quotes
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with hail Satan.
I will not Xerox my butt.
Adding "just kidding" does not make it okay to insult the pricipal.
I will finish what I st...
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
My name is not Dr. Death.
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice.
(phone rings)
Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Hello, is a Mr. Freely there? First Initials, I.P.
Moe: Hey, is there an I.P Freely there? Hey everybody, listen up, I.P Freely!!
(phone rings)
Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Hello, is a Mrs. Hug-and-kiss there? First name Amanda?
Moe: Is Amanda Hug-and-kiss here? Everybody listen up! I'm looking for Amanda Hug-and-Kiss!

Homer (praying): Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever... thy will be done (munch munch munch).
Homer: If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
Apu: Howdy, neighbor! May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion?
Homer: Uhhh... spray the boy.

Homer: Rock stars... is there anything they don't know?
Homer: If something goes wrong, blame the guy who can't speak English.
Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get.