All the boys are getting ready to board the Titanic. They all have their first class tickets in hand, ready to board, their manager tells them one last thing.

Manager: OK, Howie, I'm putting you in charge of Nick. He must be watched at all times.

Howie: Why not make Kevin do it? He's the oldest. Now I know why everyone thinks I'm gay, cause you always put me in charge of the gay boy himself!

Nick: Hey, I sure do like these room assignments

Howie: (under his breath) I don't.

Kevin: Snicker.

AJ: Small laugh.

Brian: Well, this will give me a chance to spend time with my best friend, Nick.

Nick: But Brian, I thought you said we could--"

Brian: Shut up Nick.

On the ship...

AJ: Me and Kevin are sleeping in this room, and you and Brian and gay boy get to sleep next door.

Nick: Did I here someone call my name?

Kevin: No gay boy, shut up.

Howie: Why exactly do we have to ride on this stupid ship anyways? Can't we just ride in a plane like normal people?

Kevin: No, because it's 1912 and there aren't any airplanes that can takes us over water this far, and we have a concert in New York to be at.

Howie: Oh.

Brian: Well, let's all get unpacked, and then we can enjoy our stay on the ship.

Howie: I get the feeling some of us will enjoy it more than others.

Nick: Huh?

Howie: Shut up gay boy.

Later, the night of the ship sinking (yeah, I know, I just totally ruined the story for you, the ship sinks) in the dining room, Nick and Brian are in a secluded area, where it's really dark and no one can tell who they are.

Nick: I'm so glad we get to have this time alone Brian. (takes Brian's hands into his)

Brian: You know why I love you Nick...

Nick: No, why, tell me.

Brian: Because you look like a girl. A really pretty girl.

Nick: You really think so? I've tried so hard…

Brian: I know you have. And I know all that 'I've got a big ego' stuff is an act. Inside you are just a really stupid guy that just does what he does because people scream when he does it.

Nick: You know me inside and out Brian. I'm so glad you care about me. I love you Frick.

Brian: I love you frack. (sings) I'd walk halfway around the world with just one kiss from you, far beyond the call of love the sun the stars the moon...

Nick: Oh Brian, you know I tear up everytime you sing that song...

Meanwhile, on the boat deck

Howie: (he's talking to himself, because I couldn't express his thoughts any other way) Well, at least Nick went to eat dinner with Brian. Finally, and hour without him. (Sees Kevin walking towards him) Hey Kev, wassup?

Kevin: Yo man, I just saw this fine girl, and her name is Rose. Accept some dude told me she's real high class, you know, and her mom hates singers. And she's engaged. Doesn't that suck?

Howie: Yeah, that sucks like a bitch man. Where is she right now?

Kevin: Over there, on that railing.

Howie: Hey, doesn't it look like she's about to jump off?

Kevin: Yeah, it kinda… wait a second! She is jumping off!

Howie: Go save her man!

Meanwhile, AJ has to find peace away from the crazy saga known as the BsB, so he goes out on the boat deck and looks out over the water.

TeenyBopper # 1: Hey, isn't that AJ from the BsB?

TeenyBopper # 2: You mean the other BsB have names? I thought it was just Nick, Brian, and those other three guys that know them.

TeenyBopper # 1: Well, whoever it is, he might know Nick. Let's go rip off his clothes!

TeenyBopper 1 & 2: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! AJ: What the AHH!! (Runs off in the other direction of the teenyboppers)

TeenyBopper 1 & 2: We want Nick! We want Nick!

AJ: Heeeeellllpppp meeeee…..

Meanwhile

Kevin: Don't jump!

Rose: Who are you!?

Kevin: Mine name is Kevin and you are really fine so don't jump!

Rose: Oh, well that's very encouraging.

Kevin: Well… uhh… (thinks of something suave to say) If you jump in, you are so fine I would have to dive right in after you, and then we'd both freeze to death in that cold as hell water. You don't want to kill me, do you?

Rose: Well, I suppose not, but…

Kevin: Come on, just come back on this side of the railing and we can talk about it.

Rose: Well, ok. (Climbs back up the railing. And then she trips with her stupid high heels and falls, but then Kevin and his nice strong body pull her back up)

Rose: You saved my life.

Kevin: Kinda ironic, huh? You were gonna jump off, but then you just ended up falling anyways. The Dawson's Creek Dude (you know, Dawson?):Unhand my fiancée!

Kevin: Fiancée?!

Dawson: Yes, my fiancée.

Kevin: How old are you, like, 13?

Dawson: No! I'm 21! I just play a 15 year old on tv! Wait a second, there wasn't any tv in 1912. I play a 15 year old on the radio or something like that. Anyways, what were you doing with my wife!?

Rose: He saved my life!

Kevin: Yeah, she, uh, fell, over the railing, and I, uh, caught her.

Dawson: Oh. Well. That's wonderful. Why don't you join us for dinner tonight?

Kevin: Uhhh. I dunno..

Rose: Please?

Kevin: OK!

Meanwhile

Howie: (talking to himself again) I hope Kevin saved that Rose girl OK.

Voice in the distance: Ahhhh….

Howie: Where have I heard that sound before…

Voice in distance: Ahhhh…. (gets louder)

Howie: Oh yes, now I remember…

Voice in distance: Ahhhh…. (gets louder)

Howie: It was a concert in Tokyo…

Voice in distance: Ahhhh…. (gets louder)

Howie: And AJ was being chased by a bunch of screaming-- (AJ runs by, screaming his head off and his shirt is half ripped off, followed by about 50 teenyboppers, hands outstretched.)

Howie: girls. Hmm. It's too bad everyone thinks I look like a troll. .

Meanwhile, the dining room that Nick and Brian were in has turned into a gay strip joint because there was nothing better to do with it after dinner time.

Brian and Nick: (Up on a stage, Brian doesn't have his shirt on, Nick does) (singing) Get Down, get down, and move it all around…. ….your lips they taste so sweet… (they stick there tounge out at each other, and Brian reaches to unbutton Nick's shirt.)

Nick: Noooooooo!!!!

Brian: (jumps back) (music stops)

Nick: You can't take off my shirt because then everyone will see my ugly toothpick chest… (runs off the stage crying)

Brian: (Shrugs his shoulders and continues singing and stripping)

Meanwhile, Kevin goes to dinner.

Rose: What are you wearing?

Kevin: You don't like it? (He's wearing his same gay outfit he wore in INBYH in his apartment)

Rose: It's very, um, original.

Kevin: I know, I picked it out myself!

Rose: Sheesh…

Meanwhile, AJ thinks he's finally lost the teenyboppers.

AJ: Pant, pant, pant.

Teenybopper: Where'd he go?

AJ: Oh dear, I can't run any longer.

Different Teenybopper: In here!

AJ: Uh-oh.

Another Teenybopper: There he is!

An annoying teenybopper: Maybe Nick touched the shirt he's wearing!

Yet another teenybopper: Get it!! (Teenyboppers start grabbing at AJ from everywhere, and they grab him everywhere)

AJ: Heeeeeellllllpppp meeeee……

After Dinner

Dawson: We're all going to the smoking room. You want to come Kevin?

Kevin: Uhhh…. No thanks. (Dawson, and everyone else leave)

Kevin: We're all alone now Rose, what do you want to do?

Rose: I don't know, maybe we could go dancing somewhere and then afterwards go have sex in somebody's car.

Kevin: Sounds good. I know a good dancing place, but you're going to have to tell me where they keep all the cars.

Meanwhile

Howie: Geez, this place sure is boring. Isn't there anyone out there who thinks I don't look like a troll? Someone? Anyone? Please…. (Kevin and Rose walk by) Hmmm… I wonder where they're going. Maybe I should follow them and find out.

After sobbing for nearly half an hour, Nick decides to take a walk on the boat deck. He sees about fifty girls ripping clothes off of something. A piece of cloth flies right past his face.

Nick: Hmm, looks like AJ's shirt. Oh, look, it is AJ! They're all ripping clothes off AJ. Cool! Maybe I should do something. Do I have a reason to save AJ? No, I don't think so, the only person I'd ever save is Kevin, because without him I would never have gotten to meet Brian. Sigh.

But Nick doesn't know that in talking to himself he let the teenyboppers hear him, so in the blink of an eye they are all off the nearly naked AJ, and start ripping clothes off of Nick.

Nick: No! Now all the Teenyboppers will know that I have toothpicks for a chest! They will never buy our cd's. They make up 97.34% (not real number) of our merchandise sales!

AJ: (runs off, wearing only boxers, not caring whether Nick was being molested or murdered)

Meanwhile, in a loud dance club looking sort of thing in the lower decks

Kevin: Welcome to the best dance club on the Titanic, the Futuristic Dance Arena. In the future they're supposed to have this music called 'disco'.

Rose: It's very, um, interesting.

Howie: (he's kinda back still at the door after following Kevin and Rose, and he's talking to himself) Cool! A disco club in the 1912's! I'm the happiest man alive…

Kevin starts dancing like a turtle with Rose, and Howie breaks down and gets funky with his bad self. For awhile, Howie's dancing is the hit of the party until

Some dude: Hey, look at that guy, he's ugly! What's that thing in his eye?

Some lady: He's got the ugliest jeri curls I've ever seen!

Some other person: He's… he's a troll!!

Another person: Hey dude, stop dancing! You're ugly! We hate ugly people here! Ugly people can't dance!

Howie: (stops dancing) But you guys thought I was a good dancer 5 seconds ago!

Some dude: Yeah, well, now we think you're ugly, so every opinion we have about you changes.

Howie: That's not fair!

Some lady: Tough luck, chick.

Howie: (leaves dance floor and sulks in a corner) (talks to himself again) Why does everyone think I'm ugly? It's not my fault my parents had curly hair. It's not my fault my dad was a Latino so I got greasy hair. It's not my fault that one of my eyeballs always seems to be a little bit bigger than the other.

Caroline: (ok, I had to make a special appearance in this story) (Note from Heidi, I change Caroline the authour of this story to Heidi)(hee hee hee) I think you're cute.

Howie: Huh?

Heidi: I like your curls.

Howie: Someone… someone likes me?!?

Heidi: Uh-huh. And even like your eyes.

Howie: I'm… I'm speachless, will, will you marry me?

Heidi: Um, sure, why not?

Howie: Cool! Someone actually likes me!

Meanwhile, Brian decides to take a stroll after he gets all his clothes back on. He notices a pile of girls, shreading something to pieces.

Brian: nick! My Nick-ay! What are you girls doing to him?

About one fourth of the girls run over to Brian, but in anger that some people might be hurting his one and only true love, he throws them over the side of the ship. He runs over to the other pile of girls, and pulls them off two by two and flings them over the side of the ship too. Finally, he reaches Nick, shirtless, but at least he still has his pants on.

Brian: Nick, are you ok?!?

Nick: (in some what of a state of shock) they… they… took… took… my… my… shirt… shirt...

Brian: Oh, my poor frack! I will take care of you! (carries him off to their bunk)

Back in the dance club

Kevin: Oh, Rose, I love you…

Rose: Great, now we can go find that car and have some sex!

Kevin: Woo-hoo!

Howie: (on the other side of the dance club) (He's still talking to his only fan in the world) I'm the happiest person in the world! I have a fan! (starts dancing and singing) I have a fan… I have a fan…

Heidi: Shh… I don't want people to know I like you! It would be embarrassing!

Howie: Oh, of course it would. I'm so sorry.

,P> Outside of AJ's room… ,P> ,P> AJ: Finally, I'm here. This ship is so damn big. Whose stupid idea was that? Oh well, at least now I can get into some clothes. (AJ puts his hand on the door when…) ,P> Teenybopper # 1: Revenge of the teenyboppers!

AJ: Help me god!

Teenybopper # 2: We know you don't like Nick, so we must torture you!

AJ: Oh no, angry Nick teenyboppers. This is the worst thing in the world.

Teenybopper # 3: We will torture you with our annoying little voice, and we will tell you how hot and sexy Nick is and we will tell you we will marry him some day, and then we will bitch you out about how we're going to get our lawyer on you to sue you for saying such mean things about Nick, and then we're going to back all of our opinions up with we have freedom of speech!

AJ: NOOOOOO!!!!

The teenybopper gang of about 15 proceed to tie AJ up to a chair so he has no way of getting out of their bitching.

Somewhere near the Titanic, on an iceburg-like thing…

Justin (the 'N Sync boy): Hahahahaha… Yo, after the Titanic hits this iceburg all the BsB will be dead, yo.

Chris ('N Sync boy): Then all the teenyboppers will come to us!

Lance ('N Sync boy): Yes, they will all bow down to Justin!

The other 2 'N Sync boy, cause I don't know their names: Yeah!

Kevin and Rose after they had sex in a car and put on their clothes really quick, and now they are on the boat deck near the end of the ship.

Rose: Hey, look at that pretty iceburg!

Kevin: Yeah… it sure is pretty…

Rose: Gosh, we sure are getting awfully close to it.

Kevin: I hope we don't hit it.

BOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!! (Ice shatters everywhere onto the deck. Kevin hears faint laughing from five guys, but ignores it)

Rose: Oh dear, I think we hit it.

Kevin: Me too.

Meanwhile, in Nick and Brian's room…

Nick: What was that?

Brian: I don't know, it kinda sounds like we hit something.

Nick: Oh well. At least I'm safe now.

Brian: Uh-huh. No teenyboppers can get us in here.

Teenybopper # 1: We know what room you're in! You can't hide from us! We made AJ tell!

Teenybopper # 2: You better open up the door or we'll knock it down! Nick and Brian: Uh-oh…

Meanwhile in a dark room on the bottom of the Titanic…

BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!

Teenybopper # 3: What was that?

Teenybopper # 4: It sounded like we hit something.

AJ: Please… I told you where Nick and Brian where… let me go…

Teenybopper # 5: Nonsense! We will never let the mean things you have said to nick go unpunished!

AJ: Trust me! You've punished me enough!

Teenybopper # 4: Never!

AJ: Fine! Then I will use my last resort… Nick is gay!

Teenybopper # 6: What did you say?!?!?!

AJ: Nick is gay, Nick is gay, Nick is gay, Nick is gay, Nick is gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All Teenyboppers: Noo…. The truth, it's destroying us… help…. I'm melting…

AJ: (Attempts to squirm out of all the ropes he's tied up in.)

In Nick and Brian's room…

Brian: How can we get out of here?!?

Nick: I don't know! I'm the stupid one!

Brain: We can climb out the window, and jump down onto the deck!

Nick: Good idea!

Brian and Nick climb out the window, and Brian jumps out and lands safely.

Nick: I'm scared Brian!

Brian: Don't worry, I'll catch you!

Nick jumps and lands safely in the arms of Brian.

Nick: Brian, you're my hero!

Down on the deck there are a bunch of people running around with bags and getting in the lifeboats.

Brian: Excuse me, officer, what's going on?

Officer guy: (he looks really nervous) The boat is sinking. All woman and children must get in the lifeboats, because there is only enough for half the ship!

Nick: Oh dear, that's not good!

Officer guy: (to Nick) Come on, ma'am, you must get in a boat!

Nick: But I'm not a… OK! Cool! I get a free ride in the boat for looking like a girl!

Brian: But Nick… please, I'll miss you my love!

Nick: Yeah, whatever, I get to live and you don't! Ha ha ha haha ha! (Nick gets in a lifeboat so he can float off to safety)

Back on deck with Kevin and Rose…

Another Officer Guy: The boats sinking, you need to find yourself a lifeboat!

Kevin: Sinking?

Rose: We're sinking?

Another Officer Guy: Yes!

Kevin: I've got to find you a lifeboat! (Drags Rose to where the lifeboats are)

Different Officer: Women and children only please!

Rose: But, I can't leave, you jump, I jump, remember?

Kevin: No, but if you don't want to leave you could just say so.

Rose: I don't want to leave!

Kevin: OK!

Back in the dance club…

Some officer guy: Excuse me, may I have everyone's attention? The boat is sinking!

Everyone: WhaT?!?

Some officer guy: It's sinking, but they have to let all the upper class people on the lifeboats first. If there's anymore room left, you guys can get on. We're going to lock you guys down here, OK?

Howie: But I'm first class!

Some officer guy: Then why are you down here?

Howie: Because someone down here likes me!

Some officer guy: That's pretty hard to imagine. I mean, come on, you look like a troll! Why would anyone like you?

Back on the deck…

Brian: How can I live with out my frack? How can I survive? How can I go on living?

So, Brian decides to jump off the edge off the ship and drown in the icy water. It's too bad really, but that was the death of Brian.

Back below the decks, Howie is standing against a locked gate with a guard on the opposite side. There are a bunch of lower class people behind him begging to get out too.

Howie: Please, you've got to let me out! I'm part of the band know as The Backstreet Boys. I'm riding in upper class!

Guard: But, you are a Latino.

Howie: Of course I'm a Latino, my dad was Puerta Rican!

Guard: So that means you are traveling in lower class. No Latinos allowed upstairs.

Howie: But, please, I've got to get back up there!

Guard: You are a troll. If you were in a band you would have to be cute. But you are a troll.

Howie: I'm not a troll! God damn it, I'm not a troll! Please! Why do people call me a troll! There are some people in this world that don't think I'm a troll.

Guard: That is very hard to believe. There are no troll Latinos allowed upstairs.

Howie: (spies AJ running from something) AJ!! I'm so glad you're here! Tell this guy that I'm riding in first class!

AJ: (Still has just his boxers on and is bruised up from being beaten up by teenyboppers) (Pushes and shoves people out of the way so he can talk to Howie)

Howie: What happened to you? You look like shit!

AJ: Don't ask. Listen man, we have to get up there. We're riding in first class, and we need to get off this boat.

Guard: You aren't wearing any clothes. No troll Latinos or naked people allowed upstairs.

AJ: Please, we have to go up!

Guard: You have pink hair! You are a pink haired Cretan!

AJ: I don't have pink hair! My hair is red!

Guard: No troll Latinos and no naked pink haired Cretans allowed upstairs!!

Teenyboppers: Ahhhh!! We have come to get you, guy who made fun of Nick!

AJ: Oh shit.

AJ starts running, but realizes the only places to run are toward the gate, or toward the girls. So, he has to run towards the teenyboppers, because the other way's a dead end. Once he reaches the teenyboppers, he tries to run straight through them, but it is impossible. There are hundreds of them. They all grab him and jump on him and kill him. And that was the death of AJ.

Later, Howie and all the rest of the lower class people are all waist deep in water.

Howie: You've got to let us out of here! We're going to drown!

Guard: No troll Latinos allowed upstairs!

All of a sudden, the water over powers the lower decks, and a big wave of water comes at the poor lower class people. It drowns them all. And that was the death of Howie.

Back on the top deck…

Kevin and Rose are at the front of the ship because the back is starting to sink into the water. Now we're going to skip the part where Kevin saves Rose and the boat totally sinks, because that's boring, and we are going to go straight to the part when they are in the freezing cold water and Rose is on the nice warm board and Kevin's freezing in the water.

Kevin: Hey, Rose, why don't you move over so I can sit on the board with you?

Rose: Because you're a train and you'll make it sink!

Kevin: Come on, I'm freezing here!

Rose: No, there's not enough room!

Kevin: Are you kidding? That board is as big as a king-sized matress. And we did it in a tiny car! How can you call that not big enough for two people to lie on? Now let go of the board and let me on!

Rose: I'll never let go Kevin…

Kevin: Let go of the damn board!

Rose: I'll never let go…

She bonks Kevin on the head with a smaller bored and knocks him unconscious. Then she peels his fingers off the edge of the board and shoves him off. And that was the death of Kevin.

Unfortunately, Nick still lives. But that is the thing with bad movies. The worst people in them always seem to be the ones to live.

THE END.

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You Have Rode The Titanic Times

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