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I didn't write this, but I think it's funny! Someone e-mailed me and told me this was by George Carlin. (Thanks Kate!)
10 things that piss me off 1. PEOPLE WHO POINT AT THEIR WRIST WHILE ASKING FOR THE TIME. I KNOW WHERE MY WATCH IS BUDDY...WHERE THE FUCK IS YOURS? DO I POINT AT MY CROTCH WHEN I ASK WHERE THE BATHROOM IS? 2. THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY IS WAY TOO HAPPY...CONSIDERING THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE A DICK!! 3.PEOPLE WHO ARE WILLING TO GET OFF THEIR ASS TO SEARCH THE ENTIRE ROOM FOR THE DAMN TV REMOTE BECAUSE THEY REFUSE TO WALK TO THE TV AND CHANGE IT MANUALLY!! 4.WHEN PEOPLE SAY..."OH,YOU JUST WANT TO HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO"...FUCK OFF!!!! WHAT GOOD IS A DAMN PIECE OF CAKE IF YOU CAN'T EAT IT? WHAT SHOULD I DO...EAT SOMEONE ELSE'S PIECE OF CAKE INSTEAD?!?!?!?! 5.WHEN PEOPLE SAY..."IT'S ALWAYS THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK"...NO SHIT!!!! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU KEEP LOOKING FOR IT AFTER YOU HAVE ALREADY FOUND IT?!?!? DO PEOPLE DO THIS? WHO AND WHERE ARE THEY? 6.WHEN PEOPLE SAY, WHILE WATCHING A MOVIE..."DID YOU SEE THAT"... NO MORON...I PAID $35.00 TO COME TO A THEATRE AND STARE AT THE FUCKING CEILING UP THERE. WHAT DID YOU COME HERE FOR? 8.PEOPLE WHO ASK..."CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?"...DIDN"T REALLY GIVE ME A CHOICE THERE DID YA BUDDY? 9.WHEN SOMETHING IS NEW AND IMPROVED' WHICH IS IT? IF IT'S NEW, THEN THERE HAS NEVER BEEN ANYTHING BEFORE IT. IF IT'S AN IMPROVEMENT, THEN THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOMETHING BEFORE IT! 10.WHEN A COP PULLS YOU OVER AND THEN ASKS YOU IF YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING? YOU SHOULD KNOW ASSHOLE...YOU'RE THE ONE THAT FUCKING PULLED ME OVER!!!!!!!!! WELL THERE IS ONE MORE THING THAT REALLY BUGS ME...CHAIN LETTERS!!!!! WHO THE HELL THINKS THAT BY ANNOYING OTHER PEOPLE WITH STUPID MAIL WITH NO MEANING...THAT THAT WILL GRANT YOU A WISH.. OR MAKE YOUR LONG LOST LOVE FALL INTO YOUR ARMS....BULL SHIT!!! I AM SO SURE THAT BY BREAKING A STUPID CHAIN LETTER THAT THE COMPUTER GODS ARE GOING TO CURSE ME????? WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!!!!! BY THE WAY.. IF YOU SEND THIS TO 10 PEOPLE....SHIT WON'T HAPPEN AND THAT PERSON YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH WON'T COME CRAWLIN BACK... SO IF YOU FEEL THAT THIS IS FUNNY...GO ON AND SEND IT TO SOMEONE ELSE...BUT DON'T EXPECT 1 FUCKING THING IN RETURN...HAVE A NICE DAY! Visit My Weekly Gripe Report and Vent Your Gripe!
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