UNCLE ARTHUR Strikes the bell for 5 o'clock, Uncle Arthur closes shop Screws the tops on all the bottles, turns the lights out, locks it up Climbs across his bike and he's away Cycles past the gasworks, past the river, down the high street Back to mother, it's another empty day Uncle Arthur likes his mommy Uncle Arthur still reads comics Uncle Arthur follows Batman Round and round the rumours fly, how he ran away from Mum On his 32nd birthday, told her that he'd found a chum Mother cried and raved and yelled and fussed Arthur left her no illusion, brought the girl round, save confusion Sally was the real thing, not just lust Uncle Arthur vanished quickly Uncle Arthur and his new bride Uncle Arthur follows Sally Round and round goes Arthur's head, hasn't eaten well for days Little Sally may be lovely, but cooking leaves her in a maze Uncle Arthur packed his bags and fled Back to mother, all's forgiven, serving in the family shop He gets his pocket money, he's well fed Uncle Arthur past the gasworks Uncle Arthur past the river Uncle Arthur down the high street Uncle Arthur follows mother Sell Me A Coat La la la la la la, la la la la la la la A winter's day, a bitter snowflake on my face My summer girl takes little backward steps away Jack Frost took her hand and left me, Jack Frost ain't so cool CHORUS Sell me a coat with buttons of silver Sell me a coat that's red or gold Sell me a coat with little patch pockets Sell me a coat 'cause I feel cold And when she smiles, the ice forgets to melt away Not like before, her smile was warming yesterday See the trees like silver candy, feel my icy hand CHORUS See my eyes, my window pane See my tears like gentle rain That's the memory of a summer day CHORUS (twice) La la la la la la (repeat) RubberBand Rubber Band There's a rubber band that plays tunes out of tune In the library garden Sunday afternoon While a little chappie waves a golden wand Rubber Band In 1910 I was so handsome and so strong My moustache was stiffly waxed and one foot long And I loved a girl while you played teatime tunes Dear Rubber Band, you're playing my tune out of tune, oh Rubber Band Won't you play a haunting theme again to me While I eat my scones and drink my cup of tea The sun is warm but it's a lonely afternoon Oh, play that theme Rubber Band How I wish that I could join your Rubber Band We could play in lively parks throughout the land And one Sunday afternoon, I'd find my love Rubber Band, In the '14-'18 war I went to sea Thought my Sunday love was waiting home for me And now she's married to the leader of the band, oh (spoken) Oh sob... I hope you break your baton Love You Till Tuesday Just look through your window, look who sits outside Little me is waiting, standing through the night When you walk out through your door I'll wave my flag and shout Ohh, beautiful baby My burning desire started on Sunday Give me your heart and I'll love you till Tuesday Da da da dum (x4) Who's that hiding in the apple tree, clinging to a branch Don't be afraid it's only me, hoping for a little romance If you lie beneath my shade, I'll keep you nice and cool Ohh, beautiful baby I was very lonely till I met you on Sunday My passion's never-ending and I'll love you till Tuesday Da da da dum (x7) Let the wind blow through your hair, be nice to the big blue sea Don't be afraid of the man in the moon, because it's only me I shall always watch you until my love runs dry Ohh, beautiful baby My heart's aflame, I'll love you till Tuesday My head's in a whirl and I'll love you till Tuesday Love, love, love, love you till Tuesday Love, love, love, love you till Tuesday Da da da dum (x11) Well, I might stretch it till Wednesday There is a Happy Land here is a happy land where only children live They don't have the time to learn the ways Of you sir, Mr. Grownup There's a special place in the rhubarb fields underneath the leaves It's a secret place and adults aren't allowed there, Mr. Grownup Go away, sir Charlie Brown got's half a crown, he's gonna buy a kite Jimmy's ill with chicken pox, and Tommy's learned to ride his bike Tiny Tim sings prayers and hymns, he's so small we don't notice him He gets in the way but we always let him play with us Mother calls, but we don't hear There's lots more things to do It's only 5 o'clock, and we're not tired yet But we will be, very shortly Sissy Steven plays with girls, someone made him cry Tony climbed a tree and fell, trying hard to touch the sky Tommy lit a fire one day, nearly burned the field away Tommy's mum found out, but he put the blame on me and Ray There is a happy land where only children live You've had your chance and now the doors are closed sir, Mr. Grownup Go away, sir Boo, de boo, de boo, de boo dup We Are Hungry Men spoken) Here is the news According to the latest world population survey The figures have reached danger point, my god London 15 million 75 thousand New York 80 million Paris 15 million and 30 China 1000 million Billington-Spa: lots My studies included suffragy I formed my own society to study the power of fecundity The world will overpopulate Unless you claim infertility So who will buy a drink for me, your messiah We are not your friends We don't give a damn for what you're saying We're here to live our lives I propose to give the pill Free of charge to those that feel That they are not infertible The crops of few, the cattle gun There's only one way to linger on So who will buy a drink for me, your messiah We are not your friends We don't give a damn for what you're saying We're here to live our lives (spoken) Achtung, achtung, these are your orders Anyone found guilty of consuming more than their allotted amount of air Will be slaughtered and cremated Only one cubic foot of air is... I have prepared a document, legalising mass abortion We will turn a blind eye to infanticide We are not your friends We don't give a damn for what you're saying We're here to live our lives You don't seem to hear me clear Do I talk above your sphere? Let me explain my project dear Show you how I'll save the world Or let it die within the year Why do you look that way at me, your messiah We are not your friends We don't give a damn for what you're saying We're here to live our lives We are hungry men We don't give a damn for what you're saying We're here to eat you When I Live My Dream When I live my dream, I'll take you with me Riding on a golden horse We'll live within my castle, with people there to serve you Happy at the sound of your voice Baby, I'll slay a dragon for you Or banish wicked giants from the land But you will find, that nothing in my dream can hurt you We will only love each other as forever When I live my dream When I live my dream, I'll forgive the things you've told me And the empty man you left behind It's a broken heart that dreams, it's a broken heart you left me Only love can live in my dream I'll wish, and the thunder clouds will vanish Wish, and the storm will fade away Wish again, and you will stand before me while the sky will paint an overture And trees will play the rhythm of my dream When I live my dream, please be there to meet me Let me be the one to understand When I live my dream, I'll forget the hurt you gave me Then we can live in our new land Till the day my dream cascades around me I'm content to let you pass me by Till that day, you'll run to many other men But let them know it's just for now Tell them that I've got a dream And tell them you're the starring role Tell them I'm a dreaming kind of guy And I'm going to make my dream Tell them I will live my dream Tell them they can laugh at me But don't forget your date with me When I live my dream Little Bombardier War made him a soldier Little Frankie Mear Peace left him a loser The little bombardier Lines of worry appeared with age Unskilled hands that knew no trade Spent his time in the picture house The little bombardier Frankie drank his money The little that he made Told his woes to no man Friendless, lonely days Then one day, in the ABC Four bright eyes gazed longingly At the ice-cream in the hand of The little bombardier Sunshine entered our Frankie's days Gone his worries, his hopeless maze His life was fun and his heart was full of joy Two young children had changed his aims He gave them toffees and played their games He brought them presents with every coin he made Then two gentlemen called on him Asked him for his name Why was he friends with the children Were they just a game? Leave them alone or we'll get sore We've had blokes like you in the station before The hand of authority said "no more" to The little bombardier Packed his bags, his heart in pain Wiped a tear and caught a train Not to be seen in the town again The little bombardier Silly Boy Blue Mountains of Lhasa are feeling the rain People are walking the Botella lanes Preacher takes the school One boy breaks a rule Silly Boy Blue, silly Boy Blue Yak butter statues that melt in the sun Cannot dissolve all the work you've not done A chela likes to feel That his overself pays the bill Silly Boy Blue, silly Boy Blue You wish and wish, and wish again You've tried so hard to fly You'll never leave your body now You've got to wait to die La la la la la la la la la la (x2) La la la la la (x2) Silly Boy Blue, silly Boy Blue Child of Tibet, you're a gift from the sun Reincarnation of one better man The homeward road is long You've left your prayers and song Silly Boy Blue, silly Boy Blue Silly Boy Blue, silly Boy Blue. Come And Buy My Toys Smiling girls and rosy boys Come and buy my little toys Monkeys made of gingerbread And sugar horses painted red Rich men's children running past Their fathers dressed in hose Golden hair and mud of many acres on their shoes Gazing eyes and running wild Past the stocks and over stiles Kiss the window merry child But come and buy my toys You've watched your father plough the fields with a ram's horn Sowed it wide with peppercorn and furrowed with a bramble thorn Reaped it with a sharpened scyth, threashed it with a quill The miller told your father that he'd work it with the greatest will Now your watching's over you must play with girls and boys Leave the parsley on the stalls Come and buy my toys You shall own a cambric shirt You shall work your father's land But now you shall play in the market square Till you'll be a man Smiling girls and rosy boys Come and buy my little toys Monkeys made of gingerbread And sugar horses painted red Join The Gang let me introduce you to the gang Johnny plays the sitar, he's an existentialist Once he had a name, now he plays our game You won't feel so good now that you've joined the gang Molly is the model in the ads Crazy clothes and acid full of soul and crazy hip Someone switched her on, then her beam went wrong Cause she can't switch off now that she's joined the gang Arthur is a singer with a band Arthur drinks two bottles just before he goes on stage Look at Arthur rave, all the kids are paid They want to see the croaking man who joined the gang You won't be alone, we've all got beery grins It's a big illusion but at least you're in At least you're in This club's called The Webb, it's this month's pick Next month we shall find a place where prices aren't so stiff 15 bob a coke, 'fraid that's past a joke This is how to spend now that you've joined the gang This is what to do now that you're here Sit round doing nothing all together very fast Psychedelic stars, throwing down cigars They're picking up the joints now that they've joined the gang She Got Medals She'd walk through the door and she'd set up the drinks on the house She played a good game of darts, and the men slapped her back And never took her out She wore a trenchcoat khaki Her hobnail boots were full of holes She's got medals Her mother called her Mary, but she changed her name to Tommy, she's a one, oh She went and joined the army, passed the medical Don't ask me how it's done They sent her to the front line Fighting for her country's name She's got medals She got very tired of picking up girls Cleaning her gun and shaving her curls Then the enemy dropped a bomb Survivors there were none People say that when the moon is full and all the stars have gone to bed You can see her ghost but that's a lie because the naughty woman isn't dead She deserted on the previous morning Replaced her uniform with dresses silk and green Called herself Eileen Came to London town Now she's settled down She's got medals Maid Of Bond Street This girl is made of lipstick Powder and paint Sees the pictures of herself Every magazine on every shelf This girl is maid of Bond Street Hailing cabs, lunches with executives Gleaming teeth sip aperitifs This girl is a lonely girl Takes the train from Paddington to Oxford Circus Buys the Daily News But passengers don't smile at her, don't smile at her This girl is made of loneliness A broken heart For the boy that she once knew Doesn't want to know her any more And this girl is a lonely girl Every thing she wants is hers But she can't make it with the boy she really wants to be with All the time, to love, all the time This boy is made of envy Jealousy He doesn't have a limousine Really wants to be a star himself This girl, her world is made of flashlights and films Her cares are scraps on the cutting room floor And maids of Bond Street drive round in chauffered cars Maids of Bond Street picture clothes, eyes of stars Maids of Bond Street shouldn't have worldly cares Maids of Bond Street shouldn't have love affairs Please Mr. Gravedigger There's a little churchyard just along the way It used to be Lambeth's finest array Of tombstones, epitaphs, wreaths, flowers all that jazz Til the war came along and someone dropped a bomb on the lot And in this little yard, there's a little old man With a little shovel in his little bitty hand He seems to spend all his days puffing fags and digging graves He hates the reverend vicar and he lives all alone in his home "Ah-choo, excuse me" Please Mr. Gravedigger, don't feel ashamed As you dig little holes for the dead and the maimed Please Mr. Gravedigger, I couldn't care If you found a golden locket full of some girl's hair And you put it in your pocket "God, it's pouring down" Her mother doesn't know about your sentimental joy She thinks it's down below with the rest of her toys And Ma wouldn't understand, so I won't tell So keep your golden locket all safely hid away in your pocket Yes, Mr. GD, you see me every day Standing in the same spot by a certain grave Mary-Ann was only 10, full of life and oh so gay And I was the wicked man who took her life away Very selfish, Oh God No, Mr. GD, you won't tell And just to make sure that you keep it to yourself I've started digging holes myself And this one here's for you "Lifted our girl, she apparently doesn't know of it Hello misses, thought she'd be a little girl Bloody obscene, catch pneumonia or something in this rain"