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The Church of Easy Negative Cynicism Welcome to the Church of Easy Negative Cynicism website. Here you will find spiritual enlightenment, a kindly hand to guide you through a harsh world, and all the answers to life, the universe and everything. OK, so that's a vicious lie. You'll get some random rubbish from me about not a great deal really, and some links to better places. Enjoy. |
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So, what IS the church of easy negative cynicism? Well, my flatmates and I were bored one day, until we hit upon the splendid idea of forming our own religion to pass the time. And so the church of easy negative cynicism was born. Cynicism is kind of required, negativity is, despite the name of our church,
generally frowned upon (except in regard to Things That Are Sh*te (TM)) and easiness is welcomed in differing degrees by different members of the group. I, for instance, positively encourage easyness (I am an equal opportunities slapper), but some other members are less into that kind of thing. Our credo is simple (and stolen from Iain Banks... sorry Mr Banks) - Have fun, be nice, veer left and never stop thinking/drinking (delete as applicable). We espouse a policy of ethical hedonism, and as such are often to be found in the pub, drinking ourselves silly and putting the world to rights. The C of ENC has various affiliated organisations - the Brunton Place Home for the Terminally Bewildered(which, funnily enough, doubles as the HQ of C of ENC), the prestigious Universtiy of Easy Negative Cynicism (which offers such courses as Creative Accounting 1h, The Historyand Philosophy of Cynicism 1a & 1b, and |
Forehead Tectonics 1,2,3 & 4), Bob's Inflatable Haddock Emporium and the shadowy organisation known as Haddock Heavy Industries, whose CEO is also the high priest of the C of ENC... hmmm.........
We believe in no God, although if one is reading this, to make us believe in you, this what you need to do: 1) Appear in the form of a 50ft inflatable haddock 2) Float in the air 3) Transmogrify into a garden gnome 4) Continue to float in the air 6) Repeat as necessary We have seen fit to grant sainthood upon various people who we feel sum up the overall ethos of the Church of Easy Negative Cynicism. These include Saint Mark Thomas, Saint Jeremy Hardy, Saint Bill Bryson, and probably quite a few other downright cool dudes, but I can't remember any more of them at the moment. A schism formed a while ago between ourselves and a rival faction who call themselves The Church of Lazy Negative Cynicism. We'd call a jyhad on them, but we can't really be bothered. We might get round to it some day; I'll keep you posted. |
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