Chapter 2 Note-The name at the top of a section means that it's that person's point of view. Like if it says *****Justin******* then that's Justin's thoughts and how he sees things. So cool. I hope that helps with confusion.
**********Justin**********
I sat in a chair outside of Cameron’s room. We’ve been here for almost ten hours and I’m loosing my mind. They are running test on her and all kinds of stuff and they can’t figure out what’s wrong. I want to go in there but she is so pale and there is no life in her at all. I don’t think I can hold myself together.
“Justin what’s going on,” I looked up and Jackie, Joey, and JC were walking towards me. I sat back and leaned on the wall.
“I don’t know,” I said and ran my hand over my face. “Where’s Jaden,” I asked.
“Katie is watching him,” I nodded.
“Is she in there,” Jackie asked. I nodded. “Can I go see her,” she asked. I nodded again and she walked into the room. The door closed behind her and I leaned back down on my legs.
“How long have you been here,” Joey asked and sat down beside me.
“Ten hours,” I said staring at the floor.
“Ten hours,” Joey said. I nodded. “What’s up,” he asked. I shrugged.
“They don’t know. It can be so many things,” I said and bit at my fingernails. JC sat down beside me and rubbed my back. I put my hands over my face and ran it over my hair and sat up. I looked around and Dr. Appleton was walking towards me with a clipboard.
“Justin can I speak to you,” my heart started beating out my chest as I walked towards him. I couldn’t feel anything everything was numb. I’ve never been so scared. We walked into a separate room and he closed the door behind him. I crossed my arms over my body and looked him in the eyes. “We found a small mass in the lining of her stomach,” it felt like the breath was knocked out of me. “It is very possible that this is just an abnormal ulcer but we want to make sure,” I nodded and looked down at the floor afraid if I looked anywhere else I wouldn’t be able to control my emotion.
“You think it’s cancer,” I said very quietly.
“Honestly I don’t know. She has about a golf ball size mass in her stomach and she has symptoms,” he said. I nodded and looked away. “So what we’re going to do is give her a medication that’s going to relax her. Then we’ll numb her throat and slip a small camera down her throat to check and see if it is cancer,” I nodded and bit at my lip. He reached over and rubbed my arm. “It’s going to be fine. Either way she will be fine,” he said and gave me a reassuring smile. I took a deep breath and he opened the door. We walked back out and I walked into Cameron’s room and she was propped up with pillows and things. She had an IV in her arm and monitors hooked up to her. I swallowed hard and walked to her side. Jackie was just staring at her from the window. I picked up her small hand and kissed her knuckles as I sat down. She smiled a little bit and opened her eyes.
“Hey baby,” she whispered. I smiled and rubbed her bangs out her face. The door opened and I looked back as JC and Joey walked in. “Am I going home,” she asked. I shook my head no and pressed my lips together to keep from crying. I rubbed her hand and kissed it again. “What’s wrong,” she asked. Her voice fading in and out. I took a deep breath and stared at the side of the bed.
“Cam, sweetie. They found a mass in the tissue of your stomach,” I said quietly and looked in her eyes. “They don’t know if it’s cancer yet so the doctor is going to do a test to see,” I said and rubbed her hand softly.
“So I have cancer,” she asked. I shook my head no.
“I didn’t say that,” I said looking in her eyes. “It can be an ulcer. They just want to make sure,” I said. She looked up at the ceiling.
“Call my mom and tell her. Call your mom and Johnny. Tell him to call Mike,” she said. I nodded. She looked at me. “I’m going to be alright. Right,” I smiled trying to hold back my tears.
“Yeah. You’re going to be fine,” I said. She nodded as a tear slid down her face. “You are so strong and whatever it is we’ll get through it,” I said and kissed her hand.
“What if I have cancer,” she said. I sat down on the side of the bed and rubbed the side of her face.
“Then we’ll do everything in our power to make sure you get better,” I said. She nodded and sniffed.
“You won’t leave me,” she asked. I couldn’t hold back anymore. The tears rolled down my face.
“No I will never leave you,” I whispered. “I will always be by your side. I promise,” I said. She nodded and closed her eyes. I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers softly. “I love you so much Cameron,” I said.
“I know,” she said. The door opened and I sat back and rubbed at my eyes.
“I’ll see you soon,” I said and stood up. She nodded and I walked out the room. I sat down in the chair and put my head down as I cried like a baby. I don’t know what I’ll do without her. I don’t know what my life would be about if I don’t have Cameron in my life.
I sniffed and listened to the phone ringing up against my ear. I’ve called everyone and I’ve been putting off calling her mom because I don’t know how she’s going to react. JC and Joey are sitting here with me and are trying to calm me down and help me get through these phone calls. The doctor hasn’t come out yet and said anything.
“Hello,” Haley said excitedly.
“Haley it’s Justin is your mom there,” I asked.
“Justin Cameron’s not here. Why are you calling,” she asked.
“I want to talk to your mom,” I said.
“Ok,” I heard her drop the phone and scream for her mom that I was on the phone.
“Justin what’s up,” her mom said cheery. I swallowed hard.
“Ms. Snipes there’s something wrong with Cameron and we’re in the hospital,” I said. She was silent.
“What’s wrong. Why are you calling,” she asked. I could tell everything had changed.
“She has a mass in the lining of her stomach and they don’t know if it’s cancer or not,” I said.
“Oh God,” she cried. I bit my lip and closed my eyes. “My baby. Oh God Justin is she ok,” she asked.
“She’s fine. They’re doing the test now and we won’t know for awhile,” I said. I could tell she was crying and I felt my chin trembling. I leaned down on my knees like I’ve done three other times and tried to hold onto the phone.
“Is it really serious Justin Should I be there,” she asked. I pressed my lips together and cleared my throat.
“It’s up to you. It could just be an ulcer,” I said.
“Call me as soon as you get the results. I don’t care what time it is. I want a phone call,” she said.
“I will,” I said. The line went dead and I hung up the phone. I closed my eyes and wiped at my face.
“Is she coming,” JC asked. I shrugged and sat back kicking my feet up on the table in front of me. “It’s been an hour how long is this supposed to take,” he asked. I shook my head as Jackie and Joey walked back in hand and hand. I closed my eyes and looked away. I don’t want to see that. I can’t do it with Cameron. I don’t want to see anyone else doing it.
“Have you heard anything,” Jackie asked as they sat down on the couch beside me. I shook my head no and glanced over at them. Joey was softly stocking her arm like I do to Cameron and she was leaning on his chest. I rolled my eyes and stood up. “Justin what’s wrong,” she asked. I paced in front of the door and put my hands on my hips.
“You two sitting in front of me,” I said quietly.
“Why,” Jackie asked. I looked up at her surprised that Cameron’s own best friend was being this insensitive.
“Cause I can’t do it,” I said dryly.
“She’s not dead Justin,” Jackie said. My eyes dug into her. And I swear if she wasn’t a girl. “What. You guys are acting like she’s dying. We don’t even know if it’s cancer,” he said. I was ready to go off when the door swung open. My heart stopped when I saw the expression on his face.
“It’s an ulcer right,” I asked. He looked at the floor. I ran my hands over my hair and pulled at it by the roots.
“We caught it really early,” he said. I turned around and walked away. I couldn’t breathe. I wiped at my eyes. I had started crying and didn’t even realize it.
“What’s next,” JC said.
“We’re going to have to remove the tumor and I already told Cameron. So she knows. Um kemo and maybe radiation,” he said. I rocked myself and tried to control my tears. “Justin Cameron wants you,” he said. I wiped at my eyes and tried to control my emotion.
“Ok,” I said quietly.
“If you’re going to go in there you got to be strong for her,” he said. I nodded. “She’s going to be fine. Since we caught it so early there is a good chance she’ll survive this,” I could feel my chin trembling. A good chance? I took a deep breath and looked away. “You want to wait awhile,” he asked. I shook my head no and cleared my throat.
“No she in the same room,” I asked. He nodded.
“She’s ready to go home,” I nodded and walked by him. I tried to calm myself. It’s like everything is moving in slow motion. Cameron has cancer. My wife has cancer. The love of my life has cancer. I turned the door knob and Cameron was sitting in the chair staring out the window. I closed the door behind me and walked over to her. I put my hand on her shoulder but she didn’t respond to it. I knelled in front of her and looked at her smooth beautiful face. I stroked it softly and she looked down in my eyes.
“I have cancer,” she whispered. I nodded. She looked back outside. “Why is this happening to me,” she cried. I bit my lip and rubbed my hand on her leg.
“It’s going to be ok,” I said my voice cracking. She nodded. “We are going to get through this I promise,” I said. She covered her face and cried even harder. I took a deep breath. “I love you so much Cameron and I’m not letting anything happen to you,” I whimpered. She looked down at me and wrapped her arms around my neck. I held her so tight and we cried together.
I sat on the floor with Jaden crawling around in front of me. I called everyone and no one knew how to react. It was such a shock. Tomorrow I have to do a press conference with her. I can’t believe this is happening. She’s not even twenty-three yet. Jaden’s not even a year old. He squealed and clapped his hands. I smiled as he crawled over to me slowly. Cameron is upstairs with her mom and they are having a little session. Cameron wants her mom to stay and I agree she needs her here but her mom doesn’t know if she can. I looked down at my watch and it was two thirty. I have to go have a group meeting and Jaden’s coming with me. I stood up and picked up my big boy. He laughed not knowing what’s going on around him. I smiled and headed upstairs. I knocked on the master bedroom door and then turned the knob. Cameron was curled up with her mom and I could tell they had been crying. I didn’t want to interrupt anything so I grabbed my hat off the dresser and put it on my head.
“Me and Jaden are going to the compound,” I said.
“Ok make sure you take his milk and get him a little sweatshirt,” Cameron said quietly. I walked over to the side of the bed and leaned down kissing her head softly. “I love you,” she whispered. I smiled and pushed her hair out her face.
“Love you too,” I said and stood up. “Say bye mommy,” I said and waved Jaden’s little hand. Cameron smiled and waved as we walked out. “I’ll see you later Grandma,” I said behind me.
“Justin you know I don’t like that,” Ms. Snipes called behind me. I laughed and walked in Jaden’s room I gathered everything up and we headed out the house.
I sat on the couch beside Lance and leaned back waiting for Johnny to return from where ever he was. JC was holding Jaden and he was asleep in his arms. The door opened and Johnny walked in. He sat down in the leather chair and crossed his legs.
“Alright I’m sorry this was so unexpected but it couldn’t be helped,” he said. “Um if you don’t know Cameron has cancer and that’s going to change a lot of things,” Johnny said. I looked down at the floor. “So first of all Justin we have no words. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Cameron and little Jaden,” I nodded but didn’t dare break my concentration I had with the floor. “If you need anything call. We are always here for you and we understand that you need to be home as much as possible so we have a little different arrangement for the next six months,” he said. I nodded and looked up. “We are trying to work around Cameron’s schedule so you can be there at the crucial moments. Like next week we canceled the MTV Music awards,” he said.
“No me and Cameron are going. We already talked about that and we’re going to the Billboard awards and she wants to sing at the World Series game like was planned,” I said looking at him. He was about to say no but I held up my hand. “Johnny she has cancer,” I said softly. “She doesn’t know what her future holds. She loves that baby and she loves her job. If she wants to do it please don’t say no to her,” I said. He took a deep breath.
“Ok,” he said. “So we’re going on with the MTV Awards. You want to arrive separate and meet up or as a group,” he asked.
“I don’t care,” Joey said.
“Well we’ll decide that later. Um so next week is fine. We’ll be in NYC next week is her surgery so nothing. Couple of interviews and photo shoots to finish out the month. Then we’ll go on from there,” he said. I nodded. “So anything else,” he asked.
“Yeah um I’m going to have Jaden with me a lot more then normal. He might even fly with me if that’s ok with you guys,” I said and picked at my nails to avoid looking up at anyone.
“Of course that’s cool man. We all love Jaden,” Joey said. I nodded and leaned back on the couch and closed my eyes. Everything is going so fast I just need a break. I want to go back in time to when everything was so easy and all I had to do was look to my mom for help and support.
“Alright so we’ll start rehearsal tomorrow,” he said. I nodded as Jaden started crying. I opened one eye and looked at my son as JC tried to calm him but it wasn’t working. I sighed and stood up. I took him in my arms and rubbed his back as I paced. “Justin you want us to watch him and you go take a nap or something,” Johnny asked. I rubbed his back gently as he calmed down.
“Naw. I’ll just go home and we’ll nap together,” I said and looked at Jaden. He had calmed down and was whimpering on my neck.
“Alright. Well you can go,” I smiled and picked up the diaper bag and carrier.
“You guys going to talk about how to act around me now,” I asked still smiling.
“No,” Chris said. I looked at him and laughed.
“Look guys everything that I know is about to change dramatically. I’m about to take on more responsibility then I think I’m ready for but this group is normal for me. So don’t try to change it around. I need this to just stay how it is. I don’t think I can take you guys changing this too,” I said. JC nodded.
“We won’t,” he said. I nodded and looked down at Jaden. He was knocked out again. I smiled. “So recording and everything. You don’t want to switch the schedule,” he asked. I shook my head no. He nodded. “Alright man,” he said.
“Ok I’ll see you guys later,” I said. They all said bye and I walked out the room and out the house. I buckled Jaden in the back seat and rushed to get in the car. I closed the door and gripped onto the steering wheel before I put my head down and cried like a baby. I haven’t fully grasped this all yet and it still is way to new and painful. I saw the door open and I started the car as I wiped at my face. I backed up and pulled out the driveway. I’ll get through this I have too.
**********Cameron**********
“Jaden please,” I begged my son. He wouldn’t eat anything and he’s starting to really get on my nerves. His little lip was poking out and he had a scow that I was used to because his father does the exact same thing. I moved the spoon towards his mouth and screamed and flung his hands around until it hit the spoon and it shot across the room. I closed my eyes and put my head down on the table as tears poured out my eyes. I can’t deal with all this right now. I can’t deal with Jaden not wanting to eat, or learning a new dance for the music awards. But more then that I can’t deal with having cancer. Jaden’s cry sent chills up my spine and I sat up and wiped my eyes. I took him out the high chair and held him trying to calm him down. “Shh J,” I said and rubbed the back of his head. But it was no use he was set in his tears now and my own were starting to fall too. “I’m sorry baby,” I said quietly and tried to calm him down.
“What’s going on? What happened,” I looked at the door and Justin was standing in front of me holding a notebook in his hand. He had been working on his music obviously and I had disturbed him yet again.
“Nothing,” I said quietly and bounced Jaden. He was just screaming and would not calm down for the world.
“Cameron he’s screaming. What do you mean nothing,” he said walking in the kitchen sitting his little book down on the counter.
“We’re just trying to eat and he’s not liking it,” I said as he approached me. He rubbed jaden’s back.
“Let me see him,” he said. I reluctantly handed my son over and Justin cradled him in his strong arms and slowly he started to calm down. I stared at the little boy in Justin’s big arms and watched as he calmed down quickly and began laughing like there was nothing wrong. My eyes started burning again and I quickly headed out the backdoor. My feet pressed down into the soft grass and I walked down the hill and sat down looking over the lake. The wind whiped around me sending my blond hair into a frenzy. The past day and a half have totally striped me down completely. I have nothing left in me anymore. Everything was good, everything was going so well and then all of a sudden BAM my world is completely upside down again. I wrapped my arms around my legs and put my head down on my knees.
“Camy,” I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, least of all Justin. Not that I’m mad at him about something I just don’t want to spill my guts out right now. I don’t want him to drown in my problems like he done so many times.
“Justin I just want to be alone and think,” I said quietly.
“Alright but we have to go to the hospital,” he said. I looked out over the lake. The hospital, why don’t I just take up residency there. I mean that’s how long I’m going to be there.
“I don’t want to go,” I said quietly.
“Honey we have too,” he said
“No I have,” I said sternly. “I’m the one with cancer. Not you. Not Mike. Not my mom. I have it in me. I have to survive. I have to have it cut out. No one but me. So don’t say we cause there is no we. It’s me. Cameron Michelle Timberlake has stomach cancer. And Cameron Michelle Timberlake has to go to the hospital and give blood, and have X-rays given, and whatever else they want to do to my body. No one but me,” I said letting my emotion go.
“I didn’t mean it like that Cameron,” he said softly.
“I know what you meant. I know what everyone means when they say we’ll get through this. They mean you’ll go through it all and I’m going to be there to pick up the shattered pieces,” it was silent. The birds weren’t even chirping. I closed my eyes. “I can’t even comfort my son anymore. I feel like I did something wrong and this is the punishment. Being completely helpless and relying on stuff I know nothing about to save my life. I can’t deal with this. I feel like I’m already giving up,” I whispered. There was nothing, complete silence had taken over. And I sat there thinking about everything I had just said.
“I don’t know what you’re going through. But I want to. I want to know,” Justin said. I put my head down.
“Why Justin. Why? So you can help me. So you can be the perfect husband. So you can say you did everything right.”
“That hurts Cameron. That hurts a lot,” he said quietly. I turned around and he was walking back into the house. I turned and looked up at the sky.
“God what did I do. Why is this happening to me,” I screamed up hoping He would hear me and send down some miracle and take all this away. But it didn’t happen and I stood up and walked down the rest of the hill and just started walking. Not knowing where I was going and not caring. I just had to get away. I had to get away from my life.