Chapter 19

JC's and Chris' full attention was on the woman. "I'm Nurse Maran. What I have you in this room for, is because I was given specific orders to tell you, that the doctors are doing everything they can to keep the patient from perishing. I don't know much because I have not had an update, but I just wanted you to know they will do everything they can to keep him alive and..."

JC interrupted her. "What are you saying? Everything they can? ARE YOU TELLING ME HE COULD DIE?"

Chris put his hand on JC's arm to support him but calm him.

"Well sir, anything is possible. And I did say I don't know much, so I really don't know what state he is in now. I just need to ask you a few questions. The more questions you answer for me, the more we can help the patient..."

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After what seemed an eternity, a professional doctor entered the waiting room and joined Chris and JC. "Hello. I am Doctor Quevior. Don't try to pronounce it, you'll never get it. Just call me Doctor "Q". " He sat down in a available leather chair. "Justin...Timberlake is your friend right?"

"Yes." They responded.

"Well, Justin did some mighty damage to himself. Two bottles of medication could EASILY kill a person. Luckily for him he was able to vomit some of it up. Some, but not enough. Justin did suffer from convulsions and seizures, it was because the medicine he took in, affected his nervous system. When he arrived here at the hospital, he was almost not breathing. I say almost because his heart remained beating but he was inhaling very little, if not any air. What we did to him was took a suctioning tube and pumped his stomach. The process removed EVERYTHING from his stomach; anything that remained in it. After that, we concentrated on the amount of the drug he absorbed. We filled his stomach with a charcoal substance which will break down any harmful toxins left in his body. Do you follow me so far?"

They nodded.

"Okay. Justin had some...fluids in his lungs. He is so lucky because he didn't have enough to cause his lungs to collapse. The fluids were the reason he was not able to breath very well. So, once we took the fluids from his lungs...he began breathing normally. Besides the fact that he is just 'sick' he is going to be okay...he is going to be okay." The man smiled. "I am very proud of the work we did on him. He will definitely survive. He is resting right now. There is a slight chance he could have some brain damage. The seizures are a good sign of that, but we won't know that until he wakes up. Other than that, everything is okay."

"Ohhhhh thank God." Chris looked up at the ceiling. "Thank you GOD!"

"Yes, thank you GOD!" JC sniffled and wiped his eyes.

Chris looked at the doctor curiously. "No one can know Justin is here. Not one TV station, not one FAN. NO ONE. I swear if a mob ends up down here wondering why Justin tried to overdose, I'm suing!"

"Oh don't worry. No one knows Justin Timberlake is here. And no one is telling anyone anything. A soul won't know about him being here unless one of you say something."

"Oh, ok." Chris replied lowering his tone.

"Come with me, so I can take you to see your friend."

They went with the man and followed him though the hectic halls of the hospital.

"Should we call the rest of the guys?" JC asked Chris.

"Yeah, we should. We are definitely not going to tell his parents about this, and especially not his mother. She would kill herself if she found out about this."

"I know." JC agreed.

"What Justin needs more than anything right now is rest and reassurance. And...there he is."

It was the most scary thing either of them had ever saw. There best friend Justin laying on a hospital bed. He was very pale, and very still.

Chris stopped walking and stood in the doorway. He did not want to get any closer to Justin. He was afraid of seeing him like that.

JC looked behind him. He was scared to death also, but he was not so scared to the point he was going to neglect Justin. He was face to face with him now. And the only reason why he wasn't visibly dead was because his chest rose and fell ever so lightly. He just wanted to hit him and make him breath more full; take bigger breaths. "Justin." He spat out. He didn't know what gave him to courage to speak. Justin didn't flinch, he didn't twitch or anything. JC looked back at Chris for some sense of understanding. He then viewed the speechless doctor. He wanted to know why the man was still in the room. "Justin!" He spoke his name louder, hoping he'd awaken. "JUSTIN! WHY DID YOU DO THIS? YOU DUMBASS!" He didn't think Justin could here him so he went on. "WHY DID YOU DO THIS? SCARING CHRIS AND I LIKE THAT! LOOK AT ALL WE'VE BEEN THOUGH. YOU ALMOST DIED JUSTIN! HOW WERE WE SUPPOSE TO FEEL IF WE LOST YOU?"

"Shhhhhh. JC, stop shouting." Chris told him.

JC gazed at him. He didn't need to explain anything because his expression told all.

Justin turned his head and moaned. This small movement cause Chris to run to to his bedside. "Justin? Justin?"

When the doctor could tell Justin was responding to them, he slowly crept out of the room to give them privacy with him.

"Justin?" JC asked hoping to get him to wake.

Justin's brain commanded his eyes to open. When he did, everything was a blur to him. Nothing was focused in clear. He felt so empty that he wanted to be sick. "What the...?" He could hear his name being called. "What? WHAT?" Still he could not see anything. He raised his weak hands and pressed pressure on both of his eyes. When he let up on the pressure his vision was not amazingly better but he could see Chris and he could see JC.

"GOOD LORD, JUSTIN! He's AWAKE! Justin, we don't want to bother you for long, because you need to sleep. We're so happy your okay, man. WE'RE SO HAPPY YOUR OKAY!" Chris closed his mouth and squeezed it inward to keep himself from making a large and loud cry.

"Yeah. It's so good to see you ALIVE." JC whispered. He struggled to speak because of his emotions.

Justin's eyes wandered on them. Everything hurt, but he turned on his opposite side and put his back towards them. "I want Kim." He mumbled. His voice was so groggy and it sounded as if something was in his throat; choking him.

JC brought himself to the area Justin had turned. Chris followed him. "Justin..." His eyes opened again. "Justin, do you know why you are here? Do you know why you are in a hospital, sick?"

He blinked slowly, keeping his eyes closed for several seconds before opening them again. "Yeah."

"Why did you do it, Justin? WHAT FUCKING CAME OVER YOU? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? YOU THOUGHT KILLING YOURSELF WOULD TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY? THINK OF THE PAIN WE WOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH, YOUR FAMILY, AND YOU FANS!" Chris didn't mean to be shouting at Justin in his face but he couldn't help it. He was so upset with him for giving up. "SHE'S NOT WORTH ALL OF THIS SHIT! IF SHE REALLY LOVED YOU, SHE WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU TIME TO EXPLAIN! GET OVER HER AND MOVE ON! MOVE ON, JUSTIN. MOVE ONNNNNNNNNN!"

JC pulled Chris away from Justin and spun him to face him. "What the hell are you doing? What is your problem? Calm down, man. You shouldn't be yelling at him like that. Yes, he did a horrible thing, but he doesn't need more pressure on him right now."

They stopped their little argument when Justin sniffed. Tears were pouring down his face. "I am so sorry." His voice was crackly and unusually husky. "I'm so sorry...I just thought we were made for each other. I'm didn't mean to scare everyone. Please don't tell my mom about this." He coughed several times and it hurt so bad to cough.

"We aren't going to tell your mother, but like Chris said, try to move on because you will only make yourself more depressed if you don't"

"But what about the baby?" He asked shifting his head against a pillow.

"Obviously she doesn't want you in his life. If she did, she would have some sort of contact with you." Chris told him now softly.

Justin closed his eyes tightly to stop his tears from flowing. "Okay...okay. I'm not going to mention her again. I WON'T MENTION HER AGAIN." Was he lying to himself? He didn't really know. He didn't even know how he was able to say such a thing. He won't mention Kim again?

"Okay Chris, I think we better call the rest of the guys." JC cleared his throat. "And let them know what is up."

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May 1, 2000

"I'm pretty sure your starving Justin. What do you want to eat? Our treat, since you just got out of the hospital. Oh, and this car has just been cleaned so please don't puke all in it."

Justin was looking out of the window of the car. He wasn't really talking to anyone. All of the guys were in the car with him, and they seemed to be watching him too much. Watching him as if they didn't trust any move he made. He turned and looked at Chris who wasn't driving his own car. "What do I want?"

"Beautiful? I don't think so!"

"Thank you for flashing my underwear to the public!"

"I didn't mean to hurt you and hit you so many times, Justin. Next time when I tell you to stay away, please do it. I didn't want to blame my anger on you but you just wouldn't leave and I lost it. I'm sorry."

"I feel sorry for you, Justin. You see that bulge in your pants? Well it's very disturbing. And it is always like that no matter what you do and wear. I know your fans must love it, but don't you think you can tack it down a little? Put tape on it, try cold water, but do something." She was so serious and then she was looking at him in that region.

"Oh my God." She was freaking. "OH MY GOD!" She was just over powered and overwhelmed by with what he was doing. Her face had managed to turn red and she used her hand to try to calm herself. She cried out and her eyes were just bleeding with tears. She fanned herself. "Of...course...of...cour..."

"You know what my Dad said to me once? He said he would give his life to take back having me as his daughter." Kim giggled. "He hates me THAT much."

She stomped her foot. "Your acting like I got myself pregnant! You had some input too! BELIEVE IT OR NOT! We have to deal with our mistake. We have move on because there is nothing we can do now except accept the baby."

"November." Kim answered confidently.

She giggled. "Still not too heavy for you?"

Kim jumped out of his arms and looked at him wide eyed. "THANKS A BUNCH! Remind me how FAT I am why don't ya!"

"Mmmm. And I love you. If you don't know that by now, you better ask somebody."

Justin didn't realize someone was shaking him lightly. "JJJJJUUUUSSSTTTTIIIINNN! JJJUUUSSSTTIIIN!"

"Huh?" He asked confused.

"Snap out of it. What's wrong with you? For a minute there I thought you were going to puke. Please don't. I told you I just got my car cleaned." Chris told him letting his shoulders go.

Justin shook his head. His thoughts were so clouded. "Uh no, I'm not going to throw up."

"What do you want to eat? We've been asking you that question for the last five minutes. You were too busy in your dream world to know." Joey told him from side of him.

Justin looked down at a bottle that was in his hand. It read anti-depressant. It was a prescription the doctor gave him to handle his depression so he won't try to commit suicide again. "It doesn't matter. I don't care where or what we eat."

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Justin did great. He ate half of his plate of pasta, which was good because it was the most he had eaten in weeks. He may have been out of the hospital, but he still had some recovering to do. He needed to gain his lost weight back, and he needed to push his concentrated and stressful thoughts aside. He needed to heal his body and soul.

"Justin, you okay?" JC asked just staring at him.

He nodded and took a sip of his ice tea.

"Your thinking about 'her' aren't you?" Joey asked.

"No." As he sat at the table with his friends he could hear all if them whispering to each other, things about him and Kim. At first he could deal with it, but he felt betrayed. If he wasn't going to talk about her, why should they? "Excuse me, but can ya'll find something better to talk about?"

"We're sorry." Lance said deeply. "We are just trying to find out what went wrong with you and Kim. You were a match made in heaven. And then you...trying to kill yourself. What the hell? I cannot believe you did that, Justin. THAT IS JUST NOT YOU." He looked around the restaurant when he felt his voice may have risen too much.

Justin threw his fork against his plate and it clanged. "Why do you keep bringing her up? And it up? JUST STOP IT! I don't want to hear any of it. Change the damn subject!"

"Uh, we have to go to New York in a few weeks, Justin. We have to go to talk about the album and why we have it on hold. You probably won't be well enough to go..." Chris said.

He looked at him and rolled his eyes. "OH COME ON! Of course I'll be well enough to go."

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"I still have this feeling. A feeling that something happened to Justin that night. When I called the house he wasn't there. It was so weird, but anyway. I'm going to stop talking about it because that was days ago, and I'm pretty sure Justin is fine." Kim bit at her fingernail.

"You feeling okay, Kim?" Calia asked.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine without Justin. I don't need him. Pregnant or not."

She laughed. "No, I meant with the baby. Are you feeling okay? Like do you think you are ready to have the baby? Girl, I know you have to be scared. I know I would be."

Kim put her hand on her stomach and kept it there. "I'm pretty good actually. And yeah I am scared too. I scared because I don't know what's going on. I wonder if I will be the mom I want to be to Jade. I don't want to let her down, and I think I already have by leaving Justin. And now I'm so confused because that article in the newspaper which said Britney was arrested from his house. There is already a rumor going around that we broke up, and to top it off Justin said something about he was tricked. I mean it was weeks ago but he had some nerve to say that he was tricked. That he didn't know he was having sex with Britney. Oh, and I thought she was a virgin. Yeah right! He's a liar. Anyway, did you and Griffin have fun yesterday? You sure have been going out lately."

Calia's eyes sparkled and she was glowing with happiness. "Yes! Oh my God, Griffin is so amazing. He bought me roses and took me out to eat at one of the nicest restaurants ever. Then he took me to the beach by his house, and then back to his house, and then..."

Kim smiled evilly." And then you..."

Calia blushed. "And then we...I think you get the point. I'm sorry you don't want to hear me ramble, I'm sure. Besides, oh, that is just embarrassing."

Kim smiled warmly. "Don't worry about it."

Calia was beginning to get nervous, she didn't know why. "Thats a beautiful necklace you have on."

Kim forgot she was even wearing it. She ripped it off of her neck and looked at it. "Ah, it's not as beautiful as you think." She threw it on her new coffee table. "Nothing is as beautiful as it use to be. Beauty is deceiving."

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May 15, 2000 (two weeks later)

In the shortest period of time. Justin had gained his strength back. He not only gained weight, he gained more than he weighed before. He worked out everyday since his hospital release and was in the best shape he possibly could be in. He was sad because of the loss of his child and soon to be wife, but there was nothing he could do about them being gone and he knew that and accepted it, and was moving on now. People may have thought he abandoned his child, but he didn't. Kim left him.

As he was running through the kitchen, he stole a piece of fried chicken from Chris who was just about to take a bite of it. "Thank you." And he kept on running.

"JUSTIN! I HATE YOU! YOU PRICK!" Justin stopped running and returned to the kitchen. He was sweating from just getting back after taking a morning run.

"Say what?" Justin asked grinning. "You hate me?" He took a bite of the chicken leg and placed it back on Chris' plate. "Ummmm. Tastes good. JC must have cooked it." He held his chest and laughed.

"How are you just going to come in here and steal the food off of my plate?"

He put his hands on his waist and shrugged. "The way I just did. Hold up, want a demonstration?" He laughed harder.

It touched Chris' heart to see Justin laughing. He seemed to be happy, and glee shown on his face. He put his plate on a nearby counter and jumped on Justin to fight him. "Justin...BEAT DOWN!"

Justin purposely slammed his back up against the wall and Chris fell off of him and went crashing to the floor. "Don't think so, old man." He turned to see Chris moaning on the floor. "I'm just playing with ya." He put his hand out to help him up off of the floor. He pulled Chris up, and immediately hugged him. "Thanks for helping me, Chris. Thanks for not giving up when I did."

Chris smiled with a closed mouth. "Your welcome. Your welcome. Owwww my ribs." He tricked Justin into a neck hold. "Haha, got ya."

"I was hospitalized a few weeks ago and your doing this to me?"

"Yup."

Justin reversed the position and caught Chris by the neck. "I'm a wee bit stronger than you may think I am."

"Y-yes, Justin. I see that. Please let me go." Chris begged.

Justin laughed and gripped him tighter. "Since I have you like I want you, I have something I want to tell you. I'm going back to my house. I feel I am better now, and I want to go back to my house. Start my life over. Besides the other day when you said Dani was coming to visit you in a few days...I got to get the hell out of here. I DON'T WANT TO WITNESS ANY OF YOUR LOVE BIRD STUFF! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT EITHER! GET MY DRIFT?"

Chris was so weak because Justin's sleeper hold was actually working for once, and he was falling asleep. "Yes...I...understand...please...cannot...breath...can't...get...oxygen."

JC entered the kitchen and when he saw what was going on, to save Chris from passing out he picked up a magazine which had Kim in it. "Hey, Justin. Check this out."

When Justin took a look at the picture, he let Chris go and snatched the magazine from JC. Why did they do things like that? Like bring Kim up or show him pictures of her. "Uh huh. That is an okay picture, her pants are too tight." He looked at the picture a few seconds more and handed the magazine back to JC.

JC looked at the picture and scrunched his eyes. "Her pants are not too tight. What are you talking about?"

Justin just wanted to ignore him and to get rid of some of tension, but he took another bit of the chicken leg that once was Chris'. "Okay then her pants aren't too tight."

Chris reached his hand out. "Let me see." He looked at her pants and they weren't to tight to him. "Hey, her pants seem fine to me."

Justin snapped at the both of them. "Maybe her pants are fine. I could careless. I'm over all of the shit so stop trying to bring it up. Thats another reason why I'm going back home. It's like you guys are purposely trying to put Kim out there in front of me, to see how well I deal with it. DON'T YOU SEE IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK? I'm beyond that region with her. I'M OVER KIM GOD DAMMIT!" He took another bite of the chicken and rolled his eyes.

Chris or JC didn't know what to say. They were speechless.

"Thanks for letting me stay here with you, Chris. I'm about to get my stuff together."

"But Justin, you can't go stay at that house by yourself. God only knows what you will do to yourself while your alone."

"Don't worry about me, JC. AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT I DO. I'LL BE FINE."

"Yeah thats what you say, but we can't trust that." Chris told him. "Justin, if you sunk so low to the point of wanting to end your life, you are vulnerable to anything."

Justin pointed his finger at him. "Thats where your wrong. Ya'll are not understanding what I'm saying because you DON'T want to. I'VE MOVED ON. Get that though your skull. I'm not going to do anything to myself except things that make me happy. And now it doesn't matter what you say or want. Not to be harsh, but I have to live for myself and not anyone else. I have to start over, because if I don't. I'll be nothing."

"Okay, Justin. Just cool off man." JC said as if he was afraid of him.

"What has gotten into ya'll? GOD! You guys act like you can't support me anymore. It's like everything I do, you go against or rebel against. What happened to STANDING BY YOUR FRIEND? Why can't you be like, okay Justin we agree with you, or okay Justin we are happy for you? You can never say that! EVER!"

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"Ow. That hurts a little." Kim said as the doctor observed her stomach by putting pressure in certain areas on it, in a circular motion.

"Alrighty. Everything looks great." He pulled her shirt down and helped her sit up. "How are things going at your new home?" He asked politely rubbing his chin.

"Really good. I have clothes now haha. I went out with a friend of mine and shopped like crazy. For me and they baby too. I'm kinda getting use to the being along thing...It's hard, but I'm dealing."

"Thats wonderful." He charmed her with a smile. "Lets go into my office shall we?"

"Okay." Kim followed him into his office and took at seat with her hand tucked under her stomach.

"And how have you been feeling dear?"

She licked her lips to wet them. "Well...great. Except for like this burning in my pelvic region. Not burning, but more like pressure, but thats just normal right?"

"Right. Very normal to be in your thirty-seventh week. Have you been getting help with breathing patterns?"

"Yes I have. I hired this woman who is a pro, she helps me a lot on my breathing and other things having to do with pregnancy."

"See, your doing wonderful, Kim. What can I say?"

She laughed and looked down. "I try."

"Let me give you your status. As I've already mentioned, you are in your thirty-seventh week. Only three more weeks to go. There is really not much to say except, take it easy. You really want to take it easy during this time because any little strain or something like that could make you go into labor early. Your at a point where if you had the baby today it would be perfectly healthy, that is how far along you are."

Kim smiled and personally couldn't wait for the baby. "Cool."

"Yes, it is very fascinating. So, how is the baby's room coming along? I know at your last visit you told me you were painting it or something of that nature!?"

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Kim put the brown paint she had in her hand and looked back at the white oval crib that was in the room. As she looked at the wall from the distance she was able to absorbed how beautiful it was. She had painted clouds, and trees, a castle, mountains, flowers, anything and everything that was beautiful, even a unicorn. "Whoa, I did pretty good." She looked down at her stomach. "You like it Jade? I thought you would. I like it." The room was almost complete. She had the furniture already. The baby curtains, which Griffin help her put up, the sheets. Everything was either white or pale pink. Even her painting was very pastel looking and soft. The room was everything she wanted it to be. That is exactly why she wanted to put it together herself so it would be perfect to her standards. After zoning for a while she picked up a new color and container of paint. Black. She was going to now write the brief fairy tale on the far right of her painting. She picked out a smaller paint brush, because it would be easier to write letters with, and gracefully she ran the bush over the wall creating the word 'Once' in cursive lettering. "Once upon a time there was a princess named Jade." She said, reminding herself what she was painting.

Just as she was getting into her painting the phone began to ring. She sighed loudly and went straight to her bedroom to get the phone. From the called ID she could tell that it was her modeling agency. "Hello?" She asked.

"Hi, may I speak to Miss Kim Miller?"

"Speaking."

"Hi, Kim. This is Sharon. Thank you very much for telling us your new number. I was just calling to tell you, we have like a shrine down her at the agency, of you. We have all of the covers you've made in magazines in frames, and there are tons. We would like you to come pick them up so you can have them to praise yourself at your wonderful success."

"Okay, I'll do that. Thats so awesome."

"Yes, and also we would like to know when you will begin doing shoots again? Companies have been asking for you left and right, and all they had to do was take one look at your portfolio. We need you, girl. Everyone wants a piece of Kim."

She laughed. "Thats pretty funny. I'll say I should be able to do a photo shoot in three months. Four at the most. As you know I am expecting and I am going to need to spend at least a month straight with my baby before I start leaving her with a babysitter, okay? So I'd say in a few months I'll be able to do some shoots?"

"Great! Do you think you would be able to do any runways during that time?"

"Uh, I don't think so. I thought I made it clear I don't want to do runways?"

"Your right ma'am. I'm sorry...no runways."

"Right."

"Okay, Kim. Come and get your covers whenever you have time to stop by. They will be waiting for you. You have a good day now."

"Okay, thanks. Bye."

"Bye."

She hung up the phone and smiled. "Dang...how many covers did I make? Everybody wants a piece of Kim. HA! Yeah...sure. Justin doesn't. He wants a piece of Britney instead."

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Justin opened the front door of his house and hit a light switch to brighten up the place. He didn't know how to react. He hadn't been to his house since he left it. The smell of it was the same. Everything was exactly as he left it. He looked around and he was wary. He had the feeling someone or something would pop out at him at anytime. It could have just been that he didn't trust himself.

He was so afraid of his own house that he cut every light on that made the path to the kitchen. It was clean and there was just one plate in the sink. His breath caught in his throat when he saw the magazine. The Vogue magazine he first saw 'her' in. He glanced at the cover which contained the up close shot, with her eyes closed, and the emphasis of the picture was her beautiful teeth and lips. Her beautiful smile. He coughed to relieve the pressure in his throat and put the magazine face down only to see a Chanel makeup ad.

He moved away from the magazine and opened his refrigerator. His eyes landed on multi-colored sprinkles. He used them all the time to make Kim ice-cream-Sunday's. He started to feel sick with all the memories of her. He left the refrigerator.

He just happened to look at the stove and he saw the dried up macaroni and cheese Kim made the night Britney seduced him. It wasn't the length of time the macaroni had been sitting there that frightened him, it was reason it was still there.

He had to quickly get out of the kitchen. He stepped as fast as he could out of it, looking back once at the pot of macaroni.

He jogged up his all too familiar steps and when he did, he could see the plate of macaroni Kim left the same night of the incident. "I'm over her...I'm over her...I'm over her." He repeated several times to himself, so he could keep his feelings strait.

There he was at the door of his bedroom after all that time. He open the door with his foot and it creaked. He looked around and just paused.

He shook his head and stood before the huge bed of his. He couldn't help but picture what happened that night. "Stop it, Justin. Stop bringing up stuff from the past." He told himself." Then he became angry. Jjust as he tried to forget about everything that happened, and Kim. It was all floating around him.

The sheets and comforter where already mangled from his confrontation with Britney, and he began pulling them from the bed. "I'm getting RID of this! ALL OF IT!"

His chest was heaving and he calmed down a little when the bed was bare and he could see nothing more than his 'Stearns & Foster' mattress. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to return to his house.

He took a seat on the edge of the bed and was battling with himself. He felt like running back to Chris' house to get away from everything that re-entered his life, but his pride was too big for that. As he was thinking, he saw one of Kim's dresses balled up on the floor.

He took the dress with his hand and even if it wasn't anywhere near his face. Her sent. The Calvin Kline scent, hit him in the face with a great whiff. He surged to the closet and threw the dress to the top of it. When he did, something fell from the top of the closet and rolled around on the floor. He picked the figure up leisurely. It was the angle of Kim, that Jade made. It was looking right at him, and it looked absolutely like her. Not one detail was off. Her smile was exact. He couldn't take it. "What does ALL OF THIS MEAN?" He threw the angel down and walked away. He walked out of the house and into the rays of the day.

The beach was where he was going. He had to get away from the house. Even if it was just for one minute. He was confusing himself because he had all these new feeling emerge from within him and he didn't know how to cope with them. He wasn't sure what he wanted.

He sat down in warm white sand and viewed the rushing ocean. His eyes looked at the shore for a split second and he thought he saw the word Jade wrote in the sand, but he wasn't sure. By the time he looked back at the area the words were, washed away. Suddenly a new thought entered his head. He tried to commit suicide. He truly didn't believe he would get himself into a situation where he would want to kill himself. He realized what he did was stupid. And he could understand why all of the guys were upset with him, because he was always stronger than that. Hopefully he would never reach such a low point in his life ever again. He wondered where Kim was and how she was feeling. He wondered about his son. He wondered if he would look like him or Kim. He wondered where his life would be in a few years. Would he have contact with his son, or no? Only God determined the answer for him, so that left him clueless.

"Hey!"

A perky but soft voice scared the wits out of him. He didn't even realize a female was standing in front of him. He took a slow and deep breath to regain his sense of sanity.

"I saw you sitting all by yourself and you look like something is wrong. I became a little worried and thought I would say hey." She laughed. "So, hey. Are you um...okay?"

Justin ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, I'm okay. Thank you for asking." He didn't want to look the woman in the eyes but he had to, to be respectful. "Your not from around here are you?" He asked.

The girl looked down at the sand while taking a seat. "Well thats a nice way to put it." She said sarcastically.

"Uh no, I didn't mean to offend you, but your accent...it's different."

The girl ran her feet back and fourth in the sand. "No ,I'm not from around here. I just moved here from Europe and I moved in with my father."

Justin looked her over. "Your from Europe? But you don't look..."

"I don't look European because I'm Spanish, that is why my skin is reddish looking. And my accent is so weird because I was raised in Europe so..."

"Oh cool." He smiled.

"So why are you looking so sad? By the way my name is Natasha Cooper. What's your name?"

They shook hands. "My name? You don't know my name?"

She laughed. "Am I suppose to know your name? Haha."

He couldn't believe it. She didn't know who he was? "I'm Justin. Justin Timberlake. And I'm sad because I have someone very dear to me somewhere in the world right now, with my baby."

The tan girl stood up and caught the breeze. She had a model type body. Her stomach was the clear proof of that. "Aw, I know that must suck. I would be sad too."

"Yeah, I keep telling myself I'm over her, but I don't really think I am."

The girl crossed her arms and looked down at her bathing suit, because it was a one piece, but it was very futuristic and showed portions of her stomach, and sides. And it cut across one of her shoulders at an angle. She was a little self conscious. "I know how you feel. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm good with that."

"Thanks. That's very sweet of you." He stood up and he realized the girl was almost as tall as him. She was about three inches shorter than him. "Wow! Your tall."

"Yeah." She looked at her surroundings and her eyes landed back on Justin. "I love this beach, I love this area. I love all of the houses, they are all so beautiful."

"Thats true. I like my house. Not to sound self centered."

"Cool. Where is your house?"

He wiped his forehead. "Just a little ways down the side walk."

Natasha began to walk away from him. "I'll have to stop by sometime. Okay, Jason...I mean, Justin. I'll see you around. I almost forgot I have to run some errands." She waved as she ran off and Justin waved back.

"Bye! Nice to meet you, Natasha."

She looked back once more and smiled. "Bye!"

Justin watched as she ran off.

Chapter 20

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