Chapter 11note- The poem that Justin reads in the story was actually wrote by me. So yes it is kind of cheesy!
"IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT, I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!" Justin walked into the room Britney had made her bedroom and started to throw her things around. They had been fighting for hours over this. "GET ALL OF IT AND GO!"
Britney walked up to him and pushed him. "Don't start STUFF WITH ME JUSTIN! WHY'D YOU HAVE TO THROW MY STUFF EVERYWHERE?" She gathered her things and mumbled as she did so.
*ding dong*
Someone rung the door bell. Justin looked at Britney. "You better have your stuff together, by the time I get back." He rolled his eyes at her, and walked downstairs to the front door. He fixed up his shirt in the process. Griffin was at his door again? "Yes?" Justin asked with a confused nod.
He pulled the collar on his shirt. "Man...I need to talk to you for a second. It's very important."
Justin completely opened the door, and gave him the hand gesture to come in. "Ok."
He took a few steps inside and Justin closed the door. "Uh Justin, there is something that I am kinda confused about. This is very hard for me to say...Kim came to my house."
Justin put his hands on his waist and nodded.
"She was bleeding. Bleeding very badly. She said, "So much for happiness," and started laughing, and passed out right there. What I don't get is why did she come to me when she should have come to you? The other day we were talking, and she was telling me how you are her happiness. I don't get it.
"WHAT? What was wrong with her?" Justin put his hand over his mouth, to prevent him from crying out.
"It turned out she was shot. I rushed her to the hospital as fast as I could. She was shot in the chest and..."
Justin excused himself and sat down on the couch to cry his eyes out. His head sunk down and he grabbed a pillow to stick his face in it. It was like the words Griffin were speaking were clawing his heart out.
Griffin cautiously sat next to Justin. He was wary of whether or not he should continue talking. "...And she was shot in the back. The doctor said the bullet in her chest missed her heart by two inches. She's going to be okay though. She's going to be fine." He tapped Justin on the shoulder
He was as stiff as a dead person and tears were bubbling out of his eyes onto the pillow.
"She won't say who shot her man...that is so weird. She said she shot herself. That can't be true though."
Justin could not control his emotions. He didn't care if Griffin saw him crying, he didn't care about himself. "She's trying to cover up for them. It's all my FAULT! IT'S ALL MY FAULT! I DID THIS TO HER."
Griffin moved down away from him. "My God! You shot her?"
"No. I told her to leave. I wasn't there for her. I wasn't there for her." He shook his head and slowly rose it. He sniffed really hard. "I made her go and I wasn't there for her. She went back and they hurt her again. It's all my fault!"
He had not only messed up. He knew everything was all his fault. She would not have been shot if he wasn't acting stupid. He turned his back on her and when she needed him, that left her with no choice but to turn to Griffin. That is what hurt him the most. "I wasn't there for her man. I told her to leave. Thank you for taking care of her."
Justin reached out and gave him a quick hug. He had to break out of his grip before he broke down in his arms. "I wasn't there for her." He whispered and cleared his cracking throat. It was so hard for him to swallow, because his mouth was dried up by the ever so absorbing knot in it.
Griffin was even more confused. He had no idea what Justin was talking about. He knew it was none of his business too. "Oh and man, I also dropped by to bring her car back. It needs to be cleaned BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE." He removed the keys out of his pocket. "You should go see her."
"She doesn't want to see me." He covered his hands in his face. "She hates me."
"You know you don't believe that. When she is around me, all she does is talk about you. How much she loves you, how you are her happiness, that you are her baby. Good Lord she goes on and on. If that ain't love I don't know what is." He could tell Justin was in a lot of pain, because he was a man and yet he was broken and insecure of himself. It was truly sad to see Justin as he was. "Well I'll better be going now, I can tell me presence is not helping much. You should go see Kim. She's at the East Orlando hospital." He threw Kim's keys on the coffee table put his hand on the door knob to walk out of the house. He turned to look back a Justin once more. He was crying harder now, and it broke his heart to see him like that. Never had he saw a person, male or female cry like he was. "Hey Justin would you like me to drive you there? I don't mind. I think it's very important that you see her."
He stood up, and wiped at his face in almost sheer embarrassment. "Yeah that would be nice. You can drive my car. I'll be ready in a minute." Justin sluggishly walked upstairs. It was as if his body couldn't function anymore. His face and eyes were red. His nose was running. He felt like he had shot Kim himself. She had went through endless things in her life, and a two hour chat with Britney made him kick her out of his house. For what? For her to get shot and injured. He didn't feel worthy enough to call himself her boyfriend. He had betrayed her. She was right, it was his loss. If Kim would have died he...couldn't even image what he would do to himself.
Britney had stopped gathering her things a long time ago. She still thought she would be able to stay, even if Justin was upset with her.
He walked into the doorway of the room she was in.
"What's wrong with you? A curl fell out of place or something?" She crossed her arms and stuck her lips out at him. "I'm not going anywhere, Justin. You can't make me go."
He needed to lecture her, and give her a long version of what was on his mind, but he knew he didn't have the strength. His voice was too weak and he knew he would just get even more upset.
"Britney...You and I are terrible people. We have done an outstandingly horrible thing. We should be sent to hell for what we've done." He was looking down at the floor because his voice flowed easier, and it was less painful to speak. "Kim has been..." He stopped himself from cracking and he breathed in deep. "Shot. By her parents. She was almost killed. WHY? Because I kicked her out because of the things YOU told me. WHAT did I kick her out for? Because she was playing tennis with her friend. And I hurt her because..." He wiped his eyes and sniffled. "And I hurt her because..." He turned his head away and stood in silence as the frightening sadness lingered on him. With his back turned towards her, he finished his thought. "And I hurt her because of my stupidity. Because of my stupidity. Just because I wanted to blame her for something she didn't do. Now she is hurt because of me." He couldn't speak any longer. His voice had faded and faded until his it had vanished.
Britney walked up to him. Her mouth was hanging open in fear. "She was shot?" A tear ran down her cheek. "That is so AWFUL!" She put her hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, everything will be okay."
Justin snapped at her quickly. "No everything will not be okay." He threw his arms up and down in explanation with his back to her still. "Everything is NOT okay. I kicked her out because she was playing tennis! For God sakes Britney. She's been shot? Because of that? She was on my leg crying. Telling me to trust her. I didn't give her a chance. EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY! She took care of me. When I was sick. EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY. She was trying to stand up for me and I pushed her across the room. EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY! IT'S NOT! You hit her and smashed her against the wall. I didn't STOP you! EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY!" He placed his face in his hands. "It's not. It's soooooo not."
Through his venting Britney had stopped and cried to herself. She really did feel bad. He was right. Everything wasn't okay.
"When you fall in love this someone. You just feel it. The moment I looked into her eyes I fell in love with her. From the very first moment. This is just bullshit. How could I do this to her? What she said on the couch wasn't even all that offensive. 'I played with Griffin...he's really good?' Come on. I'm a loser." He turned his sorrowed filled face to look Britney is the eyes. "I will never forgive you or myself for this." He turned his back back to her. "Never." He whispered.
Justin walked into his bedroom. He put a black leather jacket and a hat on and picked up the keys to his BMW.
He walked back into the doorway Britney was in. "You need to be gone by the time I get back. If you aren't, I'll have the police take you away." He took one glance at her and started to walk away.
"Justin I will never forgive you for this. You know I can't stand Mom right now."
He kept walking. "I don't care if you don't forgive me. I don't care if you stay mad at me forever. I'm not living for you Britney. I'm living for HER!"
He then walked down the step of his home to join the awaiting Griffin.
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Kim started up at the hospital wall. Great! A hospital, she was laying in a hospital. She hated them. She could have swore she told Griffin not to bring her to one. "Oh shut up Kim. Your thinking stupid. You've been shot! You needed to be in a hospital." She thought to herself. Everything in the room was plain, and so WHITE.
She really couldn't recall everything that happened. She did remember her dad had shot her. No matter what she wasn't going to tell anyone he did it. He would have her killed if she did. At least thats how she felt about it. After all, she did RETURN back to the house after she did say she was never coming back and to leave her alone.
She saw a head peep in the doorway. The figure walked over to her and her eyes focused in on the person. It was Justin. And it scared the hell out of her to see him for some odd reason. "Justin?"
He took his hat off to reveal his braids, and to be respectful also. "Kim."
She started to shift. "No...no...you chose her over me. No...you wouldn't believe me. You wouldn't...oh shit my back." Her eyes swelled with tears.
Justin walked up to her bedside. He put his hands out to touch her, but didn't. Him being there was upsetting her, and she was hurting herself in the process.
"You chose her. You made me go." She said in a struggled whisper.
Her beautiful face had been injured. She had a cut on her lip. her face looked like it was trying to bruise. The sight of her cut deep into his heart like a knife. He sniffled and smiled as an attempt to hold the tears back. "I'm sorry baby girl." He touched her hand. It was all cut and bruised. He choked and looked at it.
Kim closed her eyes and squeezed them real tight. She was having a strong surge of pain, wave through her body. The medication she was given was suppose to STOP the pain. "Ow..." She tried turning on her side.
Justin was looking at her face and was wondering what inner battles she was facing. He could see the PAIN in her. A tear fell off of his face, and fell on her. "I'm sorry." He told her trying to wipe it away.
"Why don't you just go? You don't want me near you, remember?" Her voice was limp and weak.
"I know I deserved that." He wiped his face with his hand and fiddled with his hat when he sat down in a chair. "Kim I can't go because I owe you a thousand apologies. I am going to do anything. ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, to get you back baby girl. My life is not worth living without you. I thank God, for you still being here. I know no matter what I say you are going to hate me, but you must know." He was once again getting way to upset to speak and he paused to breath off the pain that was attacking his heart. He cleared his throat. "You must know that. You and I are..." He couldn't do it. He couldn't be strong. He fell apart. "Oh Kim I'm sorry. It's all MY fault. I...put you through all this shit. I knew! I knew I was suppose to PROTECT YOU. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. OH GOD! I HATE MYSELF!"
Kim closed he eyes to try to stop the thick tears. She was unsuccessful. And the sound of his crying voice was heart stopping.
"I'm so soooooooorrrrrryyyyyyyyy! Honey, I don't know what I can do..." He placed his head down and just cried. He literally became all sadness. Justin was not JUST CRYING. A piece of him was gone. He was so hurt something within him was shattered like broken glass. "I'm just a stupid jerk. I completely humiliated you in front of Britney. She got physical with you...Kim I..."
He became angry with himself because couldn't express himself because he was so emotionally upset. He wanted to calm himself down, but he couldn't. He just wanted to scream and holler to get the pain out. His body was drowning in it.
"You...you pushed me. You accused me of cheating on you. You told Britney about what we did. You told me to go. All for nothing! I didn't do anything to you. Why Justin? Why did you turn on me?" Her voice was so soft but it was harsh. It was the cold truth and Justin didn't want to hear anymore of it. He being human, could only take so much. "She kissed you, and you accepted it. You called me a psycho that strips. You turned AGAINST ME. You said you would never hurt me." She was sobbing at this point. "And I'm hurt more than ever. You said you wouldn't hurt me. You lied to me. Your a trader." She tried to move her body. "OW, it hurts so bad."
He grabbed her hand and gripped it tight whether she wanted him to or not. "I KNOW. I KNOW. There is NOTHING I can do to make it up to you. Kim you did nothing wrong. You don't deserve to be suffering. You've done nothing wrong. Oh baby I've fucked up. I fucking hate myself. I JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING. Oh FUCK ME. I'm so sorryrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy."
"Stop cursing so much." She said trying to cheer him up a bit. Hysterical was not the word to describe him.
"My heart is broken. Do you understand that?" He pointed to his heart. "My heart is just fuckin' BROKEN. I will NEVER forgive myself for letting this happen to you. Kim, Britney is gone. Please tell me that you will accept me back into your life. Maybe we can be friends again someday, and maybe more..." He started to cry harder and that annoying knot returned in his throat. "Maybe by the grace of God, you will accept me as your husband. And to answer the question you never asked. Yes, I am suffering for what I've done. Never in my DAMN life have I ever felt this bad."
"Justin..." Kim tried to talk but he cut her off.
"No, don't say anything. I know you hate my stupid ass. Don't say anything. I already know." He took a piece of paper out of his pocket. "How can I be so stupid? Kim...I wrote this for you. I wrote this on the way over here."
He opened up the piece of paper and began to read.
"No one is more beautiful then the person I see in you.
Words cannot describe the pain you have been through.
You took your heart, and gave it to me
And I turned away from you. How could that be?
It was never suppose to be this way.
Because in my heart you'll always stay.
I messed up absolutely everything
And all the pain to you I bring.
I cannot cope with anything.
Because I didn't use my brain.
You stole my heart in every way.
Those lips of yours complete my day.
I owe you my life and so much more
I'll never forget when you walked out that door.
If you can find any forgiveness in your heart
Please forgive me. It's a start.
I want to have our happiness back.
If you leave me now, I'll surely crack.
From what I've done to you I hate myself
But I love you more than anything else.
You are the creature that rocks my world
And I love you with all my heart..." He used his arm to wipe his dripping face. "My baby girl."
He looked up from the paper and stared at Kim who was staring at him in AWE, SHOCK, and ASTONISHMENT. She was crying silently, and the room was so quiet they could hear every breath they took. She didn't have a reaction to his poem. And slowly... very very slowly, Justin's insides ripped out. The most affected of them all, his heart. He wanted to just jump on her and beg for forgiveness, but he had did that once before and it probably wouldn't work again. He was facing reality now...he had lost her. She wasn't stupid enough to get back with him. He looked at the poem in his hand and folded it up. "I understand . I totally understand." His feet started to move backwards. "I know you will never forgive me. Why should you?" He put his hat back on. "It's my loss. Just like you said! I don't care what happened now, or in the future, BUT I SWEAR FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING! Maybe if I'm out of your life you will never be hurt again." He turned his back to her and walked out of the door.
"Justin." She honestly didn't think he would leave. " JUSTIN COME BACK." He voice was so faint. He probably didn't catch it. "Justin. Don't go Justin. I don't hate you! I FORGIVE YOU." There was nothing. He was gone. She placed her achy and cut hand over her eyes. "I don't hate you." She whispered under her breath.
"What did you say?"
She took her hands from her face and sniffed when she saw him. "I said don't go."
Justin was in serious mode, and he would of laughed if he wasn't in so much pain. "Yeah and you said something else."
She sighed. "I said I forgive you. I'm still very pissed." She wiped her face with both hands. "But I forgive you."
He had established one of his goals...he was forgiven. He cautiously picked up her hand, and kissed it. "I'm so sorry." He whispered. His tears continued to swell from his bloodshot eyes. He tried to smile to stop the tears. He bent down to kiss her on the cheek. "You will get well honey. And you'll never be hurt like this again, ever."
Kim closed her eyes at the gentleness of his touch. "Justin...I don't want to be here. I hate hospitals." She whimpered.
He rubbed her forehead. "I know. I know. Oh I forgot." He took a bag of something from the inside of his jacket. "I know your a chocolate FREAK and all..." He looked back at the door to see if anyone was looking. "Okay, I don't know if you are suppose to have any of these or not. I don't think they will do any harm. You want one?" She nodded and he quickly opened the bag of Hershey Kisses. He took his time to open up the wrapper and he placed the solid chocolate candy in her mouth.
After she ate it she held her mouth open because she wanted another. He was taking too long to open it and she snatched the bag from him.
He finally laughed. She was just so cute that he laughed. He didn't realize that still his body was crying, but he had managed to laugh.
She started shifting in pain. "Ow. It hurts." She started crying.
"Oh Lord. I can't see you like this. This is killing me." He touched her shoulder then quickly removed his hand and then touched it again. "You okay? Oh sweetie is there anything I can do?" He was chocking up again because she was crying. He smoothly ran his fingers underneath her eyes.
"No...it just hurts." She was really wondering why she was in so much pain. She pulled the top of her gown down a little, to reveal a square piece of gauze taped to her her heart area. "Why is it hurting?" She started to tug at the tape."
Justin looked at her and stared at the gauze. She had a gun shot wound in her chest, it was sad...shocking...frightening too. "I don't think you should take that off sweetheart."
She stopped tugging at it. "But it hurts. The pain should be gone."
Justin leaned his body over her bent down and kissed the hurt place she was referring to, on her small body.
Suddenly, it didn't hurt so bad anymore...
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Two weeks later
Kim had been release from the hospital. She was required to get lots of rest and take it very easy for the next few weeks.
Justin's house was bigger than she noticed. She was walking up to the house from the car. She was indeed walking more slow than usual and it hurt when she moved certain ways.
Justin closed the door on his BMW and looked at Kim and she walked up the driveway. She was still mad at him. He could just tell. He didn't blame her though, and he was extremely happy she was just back at his house. He shook his head from his thoughts and jogged in front of her. "Need help?" It would have normally taken her seconds, for her to do for what she was doing in minutes.
"Nope." She told him plainly.
He sighed in frustration. "Kim...don't be ridiculous. You can't walk up all these stairs and then the ones leading up to the bedroom. Let me carry you. I'll be careful of your back."
"Fine." She said simply.
He carefully took her in his arms, and brought her upstairs so she could sleep. He laid her back in the bed. He was so giddy and excited to have her back he was willing to do anything." Kim do you need anything? Are you thirsty? Hungry? Want some chocolate? Do you want me to open the windows?"
"Justin, just close that mouth of yours." She balled her body up in a position that was not painful and closed her eyes to go to sleep.
"Kim you should turn them in. They shouldn't get away with shooting you." Still she had not admitted to the shooting, but she knew that Justin knew they shot her. "Justin, how many times do I have to tell you? And those damn doctors too. I shot myself." She kept her eyes closed and snuggled against her hands.
"Oh please. That is BS. You know it is." He laid down beside her. She was looking good in her white flood pants and purple tank. "You feeling okay?" She asked, just checking out the flatness of her back.
"Fine."
He tugged on the rim of her pants. "Your underwear were showing." He said nicely.
She didn't respond or say anything and he put his hand on her waist and move up near her to go to sleep too.
Just as he got sleepily comfortable, she spoke. "Justin if you don't get that thing away from me..." His eyes opened and he looked around the room and then jumped.
"What did you just say to me?" He stood up and placed his hand on his side.
"You heard me."
"Well, what is that suppose to mean? I was trying to nice. To cuddle. I was not..."
A smiled crossed her face. "Whatever."
He wasn't going to fight with her he left the room to prevent any fighting.
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Hours later.
Kim woke up because she smelled something. She turned her body on the opposite side, and saw Justin watching TV and eating a plate of something. She sat up strikingly. "Oh my gosh what are you eating? It smells so good."
He giggled at her sleepy half closed eyes. "I went to a new Italian restaurant. They have the best pasta. This is so good." He said pointing to his plate with his fork.
She rubbed her eyes and put her hair behind her ear. The position she was in, hurt a little. "Can I have some of it?"
"Sure." He continued to giggle at her half closed eyes. He put a nice portion of a spaghetti like substance on his fork and then shoved it in her mouth.
She chewed quickly. "Good...very good. Can I have a little more? I just want a little."
He smiled and focused all his
attention on her. "Here sweetheart. Take the whole plate."
She sat up straighter and ate quickly.
"Damn girl, you sure can eat to be so small. Remember Kim, chew your food more slowly."
He tried to avoid eye contact with her lips but he couldn't. They played in slow motion in his mind. Her lips had healed and she looked so sexy when she sucked the spaghetti into her mouth. She did it so slowly (in his mind). It was almost teasingly. Her lips were so...perfect. "God damn." He said out loud. He didn't mean to.
Kim realized he was started at her and looked at him in confusion. "What?"
"I uh. " He took his eyes from her lips. "I'm was just thinking about how I need to take my shower. Oh damn...haha better go clean up, right?"
His tone was so cheesy and she just played along. "Yeah...get cleaned up...yeah." She nodded hesitantly.
He got off of the bed and got some things together for him to change into.
When he walked into the bathroom, and closed the door behind him. Kim set the now empty plate on the bed and got up. " I'm still hungry." She told herself as she looked in the mirror. She still had gauze over her gunshot wounds. She stretched her legs and walked downstairs.
It took a while but she managed to get into the kitchen. When she searched the refrigerator trying to find something to satisfy her hunger, she came across some 'Toll House' break and bake cookies.
She felt some pain when she bent down to grab a non-stick cookie sheet. She washed her hands and started to break the cookies and place them on the cookie sheet.
"Kim..." Justin said from the living room.
She jumped. "Justin! Man you scared the SHIT out of me. That was one QUICK shower!" From what she didn't know. He didn't take one. He just changed clothes.
"Yeah. Anyway, Kim you should NOT be on your feet like that. You should be resting. Doctors orders."
She put the cookies in the oven. Then looked at him stiffening her neck. "I say screw the doctors. I know what I can and cannot do."
He picked up a bar stool and brought it into the kitchen. He picked Kim up by the waist and sat her down on it. "Sit. Now!"
He touched her face with his hand, and he couldn't resist kissing her neck.
"Oh Justin. Your so compassionate." She whispered.
He kissed her one more time and broke away slowly. "I have something to show you." He told her. He walked over to the refrigerator and picked up a basket of strawberries. He walked back over to her and stood between her legs. "Okay Kim." He took a strawberry in his hand and putting the basket on the counter top in reach. "There is a wrong way and a right way to eat a strawberry. First the right way." He bit the strawberry very boringly with little effort. When he was finished, he tossed the stem in the sink. "Thats the RIGHT way. Now the wrong way. Watch me carefully." He grabbed another berry out of the basket and brought it to his mouth. He bit into it slowly and when he did his mouth filled with the juices of it, and he sucked the juice up with hard suction. He picked her hand up and kissed it. He then placed the raw strawberry on her skin, and painted it up her arm, all the way to her shoulder. His tongue began at her finger tips and he passionately kissed and sucked at the trail of juice on her body. He deepened the tension when he kissed into her neck and ear. Then he stopped. He placed the bitten strawberry to her lips. "Bite, don't chew." He instructed. She bit down and took a bite. He used one of his fingers and lifted her chin, seconds later he was kissing her deeply. He played with her mouth for a while then broke away. He smiled and revealed the piece of fruit in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed it, then kissed her on the lips once more. "Thats the wrong way. Which do you like better?"
He was SUCH a tease and he was being even more of a tease when he kissed her in the crease of her neck again. Her legs tightened around him. "I like the wrong way." She moaned.
Justin stopped kissing her. He threw the left over berry in his hand, in the sink and stepped back from her.
"Kim. I just want to say...that I am so sorry for what you have been through. I wish you were never so abused and beaten. I wish I never caused you to get shot. I know I love you more than anything. Thats a strong way to feel about someone. You are what keeps me running. You know, and I know, we were both made for each other." He walked between her legs again, and placed his lips on hers, this time when they broke away, he pinched her bottom lip with his lips. "What I'm trying to say is..." He got down on his knee and took a red velvet box from his shirt pocket. "To the most beautiful woman in the world. Will you Kimberly Miller, get rid of that God-awful last name and become a Mrs. Timberlake? What I'm asking is...will you marry me?"