Middle
age is fast approaching
Crinkly age lines are encroaching |
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Muscles
sagging, tummy bulging
Even when you're not indulging |
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WANT
TO KNOW HOW TO COPE?
HOW TO MANAGE NOT TO MOPE? |
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**Humorous Aging Poems** |
Below
are funnies from cyberspace
Bound
to put a smile on your face :
The
way the Life Cycle should work....
The most unfair thing
about life is the way it ends.
You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an
old age home.
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LEARN THESE BY HEART......
as anti-aging positive thinking aids:Forget the health food, I need all the preservatives I can get!
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol!
I intend to live forever - so far so good!
At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.
Don't worry about avoiding
temptation.
As you grow
older, it will avoid you.
You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
You're getting old
when you wake up with that morning-after feeling
and you didn't do
anything the night before.
Last Will and Testament:
Being of sound
mind, I spent all my money
REMEMBER
WHEN...
(in
large print for those of you pretending you don't need glasses yet)
A
computer was something on TV
from
a science fiction show of note
a
window was something you hated to clean...
And
ram was the cousin of a goat....
Meg
was the name of my girlfriend
and
gig was a job for the nights
now
they all mean different things
and
that really mega bytes
An
application was for employment
a
program was a TV show
a
cursor used profanity
a
keyboard was a piano
Memory
was something that you lost with age
a
cd was a bank account
and
if you had a 3 1/2" floppy
you
hoped nobody found out
Compress
was something you did to the garbage
not
something you did to a file
and
if you unzipped anything in public
you'd
be in jail for a while
Log
on was adding wood to the fire
hard
drive was a long trip on the road
a
mouse pad was where a mouse lived
and
a backup happened to your commode
Cut
you did with a pocket knife
paste
you did with glue
a
web was a spider's home
and
a virus was the flu
I
guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
and
the memory in my head
I
hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
but
when it happens they wish they were dead.
RHYMES
ABOUT AGING
If
nothing above has helped, try these humorous rhymes by some of the great
rhyme-o-holics I've met on the net :-)
ON
AGING GRACEFULLY
I spoke
to the man, an elderly gent,
Who
a great many years must have seen.
He looked
quite fit in spite of his age.
He appeared
neither obese nor lean.
A hat
was covering his shiny gray hair
And
he lifted a hand to remove it
"You
see this hair? It's mine," he said,
"And
I have a receipt that can prove it."
"I'm
lucky I can put this removeable hair
In the
sink where I can shampoo it.
And
when it loses its body, then
I'll
go to the store and renew it.
"I'm
in good health, but I have aids.
Now
please don't jump to conclusions.
I'm
referring , of course , to my hearing aids.
I don't
want to create confusion.
"In my
mouth is a costly partial plate,
Some
missing teeth to replace,
And
the glasses I need for enhancing my sight
Can
always be found on my face."
And asked
if perhaps he were watching his weight,
He smiled,
and he just rolled his eyes.
"Of
course I am watching my weight," he replied,
"But
mostly I just watch it rise.
"I have
to admit that I have slowed down.
I'm
no longer now in my prime.
Like
the mummies of ancient Egyptians,
I'm
always, it seems, pressed for time."
S.
Forrest
The
Forrest of Poetry Pages
"Make
lasting prints in Sands of Time
With
metered feet in Strands of Rhyme."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AGEISM?
People
talk of growing old
As though
it's a disease.
But
I have found that now I'm old
I can
do things as I please.
I am
seventy-eight and still lucid,
I don't
yet need a minder.
I feel
like a youngster of twenty-five--
But
where the Hell can I find her?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE
WINDOW
I chanced
to pass a window
While
walking through a mall
With
nothing much upon my mind
Quite
blank as I recall.
I noticed
in that window
A cranky-faced
old man,
And
why he looked so cranky
I didn't
understand.
Just
why he looked at ME that way
Was
more than I could see
Until
I came to realize
That
cranky man was ME!
THE THREE SIGNS OF AGING
There
are three signs of aging
The
older that you get
The
first is LOSS OF MEMORY
The
others............I forget.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On a slightly more serious note, here's a villanelle I wrote:
A DATE WITH TIME
In middle
age there's no denying fate.
Let
yesterdays be broken links to pain;
Let
present moments never be too late!
Pursue
expression, find a style innate,
A yearning
passion that will never wane.
In middle
age there's no denying fate.
Rejoice
in lovers' friendship, celebrate.
Release
those still all wrapped in loving chain.
Let
present moments never be too late!
Be pensive,
muse, demur and meditate-
Reflection
in a sane and sanguine vein.
In middle
age there's no denying fate.
With
open arms we welcome wisdom's state,
Embrace
an insight gradually more plain.
Let
present moments never be too late!
Believe
in growth, this will invigorate
And
ward off ebbing energy's grey reign.
In middle
age there's no denying fate,
Let
present moments never be too late!
Diz
Finally, a really depressing poem about growing old and grey that I wrote after someone commented that older women seem to become almost invisible:
INVISIBLE
I sense
her disappearing - my younger, siren self.
She's
merging into shadows, on an antiquated shelf.
She's
disappearing, fading, she's been camouflaged in grey -
fatigue
that drags, despondent, like a wilted winter day.
That
youthful incandescence slowly waning, starlight dim,
There'll
be no gauntlet challenge where she teeters on life's rim.
She'll
vanish into wrinkles carved to channel grieving tears
of rueful
loss; all entities decay with passing years.
I sense
her disappearing with every silver strand;
Invisible,
enshrouded in an overlay too bland.
Diz
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~