E-mail David Christopher Lane
directly at dlane@weber.ucsd.edu
Author: Said Publisher: The NEURAL SURFER Publication date: May 1997
E-mail David Christopher Lane
directly at dlane@weber.ucsd.edu
I
want to go back to the home base now.
From shagols@itdc.koreanair.com Tue May 27 09:45:33 1997 Hello Professor Lane, as we had talked, I am giving you a thorough = account of my experiences with Sai Baba. I hope that this will be of = interest to people and will help them to understand what Baba is all = about. Thank you for giving me the chance to write this essay.=20 I first got to know of Sai Baba in 1985 or 1986 through my brother. His = friend had given him a book on Sai Baba which had a picture of Baba on = the cover. I asked my brother who this person is and he explained to me = what he so far knew about him. Being born a Moslem I rejected Baba from = the very beginning because I couldn't believe that another person - = another human form if you want to be philosophical about it - could be = God. =20 It wasn't until 1990 or 1991 that I started to believe in Baba. At that = time in my life I was very confused about life and the purpose of my = existence. Many unanswered questions were in my mind and I was very = confused and unhappy. Having heard of the "miracles" of Sai Baba = through my brother who WAS A DEVOTEE OF SAI BABA, I thought to myself = that if Baba can do such miracles, then he must know more about life, = the world, the purpose of life, etc. I then started taking Sai Baba = seriously. I started reading about him and also his teachings. Now = that I look back, in all my confusion and mental torment, I was so = desperate to believe in some philosophy that I jumped to believe in Baba = and his philosophy. Also, I came to believe that Sai Baba is God by = reasoning that he MUST BE A HOLLY PERSON, and so he couldn't lie. If he = can't tell a lie, then he is God because he says so. When I came to = this conclusion, I felt as though I was in heaven. Could you imagine a = day when God or a Messenger of God comes to earth and you get to be with = him, close to him, see him, talk to him, etc? Could you imagine being = next to the Messenger of God and believe full heartedly that He will = save you? Could there be a better situation and feeling? That is how I = felt and that's how people feel when they first come to Sai Baba or any = other person who says they are a Messenger or are divine or are in = contact with God. At the beginning of my following Baba, I felt in = seven heaven for months. I couldn't get enough of looking at his = pictures, meditating, reading his teachings and living life in = accordance with his teachings, etc. I was totally being absorbed by him = and his philosophy. Looking at other Sai devotees - followers - I found = out that this is true for all devotees, that all who come to Baba, are = in ecstasy first few months and later become very mentally distressed = individuals. I am sure the current Sai devotees would dispute this but = I have seen it over and over again. When I was feeling mentally = distressed for reasons that I will soon explain, I would tell anyone and = everyone that meeting Sai Baba was the best thing that happened to me = and that I had never been happier. It wasn't until much after that I = realized that I was fooling myself to the point that I totally ignored = and thought that there was no pain. Upon my studies on psychology, I = realized that humans tend to do that. They tend to pretend something is = true, to the point that it looks more and more as reality to them while = others can see those short comings in them. I have seen many short = comings in Sai devotees which they claim are not there. =20 So, I was very happy to have come to know of Sai Baba, of God. I put = his teachings into practice fully. Slowly, I started to wear out. = Baba's teachings are very hard and I couldn't keep up with them. For = example it was hard to try to remember God at all times, especially when = you have to concentrate on your daily tasks and God at the same time. I = started feeling guilty for not being able to live up to Baba's teachings = and I would tell myself that I should be ashamed of myself for not doing = what God wants me to do. Who or what kind of person gets to know God = first hand and have the good chance to know him, while many billions of = people don't know him, and still not follow his teachings? I was = failing on many instances, such as remembering God, being celibate, not = listening to the desires of the body, the senses, the mind, etc. I had = a very hard time remembering God and not falling to temptations. I was = 19 or 20 and my hormones were exploding. Everytime I met Baba, he would = tell me to control my sexuality and so on and I wasn't able to. When = the hormones were going full swing I would try to ignore my "bad" = thoughts by trying to remember God. 99.99999% of time I would fail. I = would play with myself - I didn't have any girlfriends or even girls as = friends with whom I could possibly start a relationship; having girls = around could arise temptations and would be very bad for spirituality, = so I thought. So, I would play with myself and when doing so I would = feel very guilty and when finished I would feel a thousand times more = guilty. I would scorn myself to many things like being disobedient to = God, not having enough faith, not having enough will power, not loving = God - Sai Baba - full heartedly, etc. You might be asking me why I am = emphasizing guilt. As a result of all of this I became very depressed = and also I had a lot of paranoia. I came to the point that from the = pain, my chest felt like had opened and I could feel every cell in my = chest blowing from the pain as if they were boiling water. At the same = time I was very paranoid about things. After years of telling myself = that I was stupid and not good enough, I had somehow come to the belief = that I was crazy. I would interpret every sentence ten different ways. = And I was very confused as to which of the ten was the right meaning. = Can you imagine thinking you are crazy and interpret things as such? = Could you imagine doubting every single thought you have? Could you = imagine thinking to yourself if your understanding of every single thing = is correct? It gives such pain that I cannot explain, and I am not only = making it big, but since you haven't felt it, it is small. I had to = choose between the face value and the ten other meanings which I had = come up with. And what did Baba do or how did Baba direct me at my = times of need? Well, in all my interviews he would scorn me for not = being strong enough, he would tell me to just do, never try, just do. = He told me that I was very weak. If he knew anything about my = situation, he would tell me something to bring my spirits up, instead of = daring to tell me things to further break me down. When he told me I = was weak, I would be harder on myself when I fell again. I would tell = horrible things to myself, such things as "It is no wonder you are = stupid...", "Baba has read you nicely, you are so stupid.", etc. This = kind of self-bashing had become a trend of thought which I still fight. = The simplest thing Baba could do was to tell me to not feel guilty. But = instead he was satisfying his own DESIRES in the private interviews with = me. As a result of all this depression and paranoia I slowly got away from = practicing the teachings of Sai Baba. Everytime I would try to do what = he said, I would feel more depressed and paranoid. Of course, it was = very hard to do so, as I still believed in the divinity of Baba and his = teachings. What gave me a real push was a movie which my brother - = another brother who is a non-devotee of Baba - gave me regarding Sai = Baba. The movie was filmed by a Korean research group which visited = Baba. They caught him cheating on the "materialization" of a necklace. = The picture was so clear and it sent me into shock. However, it took me = over six months to come to deal with the movie. During this six months, = everytime a thought of the movie came to my mind I would push it away = and destroy it as was a trend of my mind by then. All "negative" = thoughts or thoughts that are obstacles to my "faith" were to be = destroyed immediately and replaced with "good" thoughts. So, even in = the face of overwhelming evidence that the movie showed, I had a hard = time dealing with it until over six months later. Any thought that Baba = might be cheating or might not be God made my stomach so very much upset = and my mind so very disturbed. But eventually I had to deal with the = problem. When I had finally dealt with the movie, then it was time to = look for any reasons which Baba would do such a thing. This had also = become a trend of mind, which is very much prevalent within the Sai = devotees. In any situation, Sai devotees, would start to logic by = saying "Baba is God, therefore he is fully pure". Then all else was put = into perspective based on that. After a while this sentence is passed = and you make all decisions based on this sentence subconsciously. I = made up some reasons as to why Baba would cheat on that particular = materialization. Of course, I thought that Baba was cheating on that = particular materialization. Another idea which is very prevalent within = Sai devotees is that if something goes wrong regarding anything is a = result of Baba's will. He wanted it to happen so and it most probably = is a test of faith. But then if that is the case, then what would = justify a problem and what is a test of faith? I had to deal with this = question also. I am sorry for taking you through so many ideas but I am = purposely doing so to show you the level of mind control which is = imposed on EVERY Sai devotee. How can such thinking be anything = spiritual? Of course, to every Sai devotee, this is the way to = Salvation since they are in the middle of it and they have full faith in = the teachings which bring about such thoughts and mind control. I was = going through so much mental decision-making and you would be surprised = why I would do such a thing in the face of so many other experiences = which I had with Baba. I will explain those experiences now. I visited Sai Baba three times, on three straight summers. Once I = stayed there one and half months, another time I stayed two and half = months and the last time I was there for three and half. My first two = trips I had seven interviews and a total of seven private interviews, = with just me and Baba in the private interview room. Baba had = materialized a gold ring with three stones which he told me were = diamonds. The ring did not fit the finger on which Baba had placed it = but I left it there regardless, as that was the finger Baba had chosen = to put it on. Here I would like to mention that of the four rings which = Baba has "materialized" for my family and myself, none of them fit = correctly. In all the books regarding the "miracles" of Sai Baba, you = will read that ALL such rings fit the person perfectly. I have never = read a book were it was told that almost all rings fit perfectly. And = also, later I found out that the stones were not diamonds. The stones = after a while got black and two of the three fell out. I took this to = mean that Baba is angry at me for not being good, for not practicing his = teachings as well as I COULD, for trying and not doing. =20 Another thing that was interesting was that Baba would not be able to = tell things correctly. In one instance I was told by him that the night = before I had fever. I didn't, neither was I in any kind of heat. :o ) = Perhaps he wanted me to, but I wasn't. I just let it go, destroyed it = right there and then, that very instant. No doubts were allowed. =20 In my first private interview, Baba did a ceremony which is supposed to = be sacred in Hinduism and is done to all the followers by their gurus. = This practice involves the guru putting oil on his hand and pushing his = hand upward between the front testicle and the back area. That area is = supposed to be a special area which is very important to spiritual = practice of the devotee. This action is supposed to awaken this area, = which is supposedly full of energy, which will then play an important = role in the thought of the devotees. In my case, it was more of the = opposite and my thoughts were never changed for the better. I was = getting worst as time passed. In every private interview after that Baba would ask me to put down my = pants while he massaged my testicle. I would reason that Baba perhaps = is passing some energy to that area. Perhaps I had damaged that area or = something in that area by playing with myself. I had found reasons in = order to destroy any doubts that might come to mind. In one occasion, = Baba was not just massaging it, he was trying to give me a hard on. The = thought that he is doing so came to my mind then, but of course I = destroyed it. Now, as an ex-devotee, I am able to see and think about = what he was doing, rather than destroy it. At this interview, as he was = pushing his hand back and forth on my testicle, I was telling him about = many different things on my mind. Of course, I was so sure that he is = doing the best thing for me that I was thinking of something else. I = was telling him about the problems in my country of Iran, how the people = are suffering, the problems of my family and my own problems. He = couldn't get me hard so all of a sudden with anger and an angry face he = threw my thing up against my stomach and with an angry face he turned = his back to me. I thought he is probably angry at me because I should = have more faith in him, he already knows all my problems, everything in = my mind, and he will help me in whatever way he can. Actually, he was = angry that I didn't get hard and so when he turned towards me he told me = to put my pants up again. This was the only occasion which he kept some = distance between me and him while he was playing with me. Every other = time, he would hug me and do it. My question to those who believe that = Baba's intentions in playing with me was pure is that if Baba says not = a blade of grass moves without his will, then why does he have to touch = me in that way to perform whatever pure intention or will he had in = mind? Or is it that when he was playing with me, he was being good to = me by giving me the privilege of being close to him and interact with = him? For those who are not following, Sai followers believe that Baba = knows all our inner thoughts and the reason why he talks to us is = because he is trying to talk to us for our own enjoyment. He really = doesn't have to talk at all or ask us questions regarding our lives = since he is the All-knowing. He does so for our sake, so that we can = talk to him and interact with him. Could it be that Sai Baba was = playing with me in order to satisfy my needs to interact with him? And = what kind of satisfaction did he - or do you - think I would get from = that kind of interaction? In almost all of such interviews, Baba would breath harder and sometimes = he would make noises too. Something I forgot to tell you about the = private interview above was that while I was telling Baba about these = problems, his face was getting uneasy while he constantly, the whole = time was looking down at my testicle. His eyebrows got twisted and his = face got more and more upset as he was trying to play with me. I wonder = why? He sometimes would tell me that I was weak there, there was too = much being wasted from there, etc. Why then did he touch it? Was he = fixing things? Why did he have to fix things by touching and rubbing = and going back and forth? In one interview, he stood up while I was kneeling on my knees. With = his right hand, to took my head and put it against his stomach. With = his left hand he took my right hand and put it against his testicle. He = rubbed my hand there for a short while and this time he was making loud = noises of .... I tried to look up to his face to see it, but he pushed = my head hard against his stomach and did not allow me to look up. So, I = didn't try again. While he took my hand there, I felt his testicle, = although I didn't grab it, I just let him direct my hand and do whatever = he wants. At the same time, I would touch him by the outside part of my = hand. As I said before, he was making loud voices while he was doing = that. This took about two minutes before he let go of me and my hand = and said "This is God"!!! Whatever!!! It was his way of putting a = controlled mind to think and find many answers to what that whole = situation was all about. It was his way of covering the sick idea of = having me touch him, and also covering his loud, wild voices. Anyhow, = those of you who have a clear and logical mind understand me. I had these experiences and still it took me over six months to deal = with the movie that I mentioned before. After dealing with this movie, = I went to look over some of the movies which we had about Baba. These = movies are movies which are prevalent within Sai devotees. The very = first movie which I watched is called "God lives in India". In that = movie they showed about four or five instances which Baba cheats the = "materialization" of ash - ash is supposedly holy and is supposedly = being created by Baba from thin air. One of these instances is a very = close, clear shot which shows Baba take something with his right hand = from underneath of some letters in his left hand while bending over a = bit to talk to someone. He then takes the letters by his right hand and = cleans his left hand. Then he takes the letters from the right hand and = immediately starts to motion his right hand in circular motion which is = a "sign" that he is going to create something out of thin air. This = shot is a close-up and very clear. After seeing this first movie, I = knew the truth and didn't watch any other movies. I am sure if the = other movies have segments that show Baba's actions twenty seconds prior = to each "creation" of ash or whatever, you can see him cheating. =20 More recently, there was a movie on cable TV here in the US which showed = Baba CHEAT on materialization of a ring or necklace, I don't remember. = There was much argument about it on the internet newsgroups. Bon = Govani, a Sai devotee, defended his opinion of what the movie showed by = saying each person saw a different thing. What everyone, including Bon = agree on is that Baba does some weird thing with his hand under a plate = before he brings down his hand and starts to circle his hand. Sai = devotees have their own way of thinking and so their own reasons and = answers. It will be impossible to convince these people on anything. = The more you use your reasons to find something or some way to prove = your points, the more they will use their twisted reasoning to counter = attack your ideas. Their counter attack is 99% illogical since they are = used to twisting things around. Besides what good is a logical path = which starts with "Baba is God..."? Baba is God, therefore, he couldn't = have cheated on that movie, therefore, everyone sees a different thing = when they see that movie. They don't think that what kind of motion is = Baba making? Why is he making that motion? Why is he making it under = the plate? Why the need of that motion? Etc. So, I am looking forward to getting a lot of illogical responses to this = essay. I welcome them and look forward to disproving any illogical = ideas. I hope that their responses and my replies will give all of you = a hint of how brainwashed the Sai devotees are and what a sorry state of = mind they have. Hopefully, those Sai devotees who still have some = reason left can benefit substantially from this and can overcome all = mind control tricks that have been imposed on them. And, hopefully, all = those who are considering Sai Baba, would have the luck to see these = postings and can benefit from them too. I really hope so. I would like to give an example of how illogical Sai devotees can be. = The following are excerpts from = http://psg.com/~ted/bcskeptics/sbmir/db-book.html. It's a great site at = getting some information on Sai Baba's real personality. This is a = quotation from John Hislop's book on Sai Baba. He was one of Sai Baba's = closest followers and passed on a few years ago, still a devotee. You = will find the following amusing. "We can get a sense of Sai Baba's diagnostic `ability' from the = following account which happened to John Hislop. 110 - Sai Baba's Misdiagnosis of John Hislop's Medical Condition: 'While asleep in Brindavan in the month of October, 1978, without any = prior warning to me, the prostate suddenly closed off the urethra. What = happened then was agonizing, but nevertheless most comical. When Baba = came down from his apartment, about 8 a.m., I told him that the urethra = was closed and that already the bladder was very swollen. He smiled, = said not to worry, and gave me vibhuti ["holy" ash]. About 11 a.m., he = returned from inspecting some new construction and as he came to the = veranda, both Dr. Goldstein and I approached him saying that my = condition seemed to be serious. Baba came up to me, looked in my eyes, = patted me on the head and said not to worry, it was just the heat. Then = at 4 p.m., when Baba usually came down after rest, I did not wait, but = sent a note upstairs that the situation was steadily getting worse and = that now severe pains were moving back and forth throughout my body. = Baba came down immediately. In the group of devotees waiting for him, = there were, as usual, several physicians, including Dr. Goldstein from = California. Without any discussion, Baba told the doctors to take me at = once to the hospital and operate if necessary. Now the comedy quickened. We got into several cars and went to Baba's = hospital for women in Whitefield. The Medical Officer-in-Charge, Dr. = Mrs. C. Rajeswari, made an examination room available, and the assembled = doctors tried some 20 or more times to insert various sizes of catheters = into the bladder, but with total failure. By now I was in agony, although I bit my tongue and kept silent. It was = the immediate decision of the doctors that an emergency opening would = have to be made through the wall of the abdomen... At Bangalore, the job was botched by the resident surgeons; heavy = infection set in, and in three days Baba ordered me back to = Brindavan...Baba arranged for the operation at the Whitefield = hospital...The care was magnificent...The entire inside of my abdominal = cavity was filled with virulent infection, and the tissues were so = rotted that standard operating procedures could not be used... Why the big comedy in the whole affair? It took me some time to figure = it out...Why the deadly complications at the Bangalore = hospital?...Finally, at the time of another visit, I told Baba that I = had figured the matter out. My conclusion was that I had come to the end = of my natural life, Baba had let me go down to the final step, and at = the last moment, he had reversed my natural death by giving me rebirth. = Baba smiled and confirmed that what I said was true; he had given me new = life. After returning home to Mexico in January, some continuing = complications arose which took me into a Mexican hospital and then an = American hospital. Baba sent word to not worry, that these were just = rebirth pains.'[!?!?!?!??!?!] John Hislop, My Baba & I, pp. 49-51." I have always enjoyed reading this passage and still do enjoy it. Great = comedy indeed! One thing that I forgot to say is that on my last trip to India, there = were about 20 American and Indian American college students which came = to attend Baba's summer classes which mainly concentrate on = spirituality. Some of these students considered themselves devotees, = others had come to see and judge Baba for themselves. In an interview = Baba "materialized" a ring or something else for either all of those = students or majority of them. At least half of those students say that = they saw Baba CHEAT. They reported that they saw Baba take and put = things from the sides or back - I don't remember which one they said - = of the chair that he was seating on. When I say the sides or the back I = mean the sides of the cushion of the chair or the backside of the = cushion. These students were firm in what they saw. After this = interview, some four days later, Baba was out giving darshan - walking = around, sometimes stopping to talk to some individuals, sometimes = choosing individuals or groups of individuals for an interview. He = stopped in front of the American students which were sitting in an area = that was designated to them. He made the circular motion, and = supposedly created some ash and threw it on one of the student's face. = During this time, his back was to me. When he turned around I saw his = face was very angry. He was pissed! As usual, as you know why, I = didn't give importance to this. Later, one of the boys in the American = group, with whom I had become very close told me that this student who = was thrown ash to face and eyes was very vocal about what they had seen = in the interview room, namely, Baba taking things from the chair on = which he sat on. Now, if Baba's life is his message as he says so, then = is it right that we act in this way when someone criticizes us? I am = sure I'll get a few reasons as to why Baba did such a thing. Or at = best, I might get something like Baba's intentions are not known to us = and that I can't say why he did that. I'll be looking forward to = reading the reasons. I welcome all comments and suggestions to my e-mail: = shagols@itdc.koreanair.com Before I go, I urge all who are interested in Baba to see the movies = that I mentioned and also to get to know Sai Baba devotees very = personally. Be as close as you can to them as if they are your best = friends. Study them and see if they have changed as a result of knowing = Baba. I am sure you will come to the conclusion that although they are = doing more service, their personality is kind of deceiving and = hypocritical, since they proclaim one thing and act another. Another = thing I would like to say is that all of the ex-devotees of Sai Baba = that I know have realized that life was a misery to them while they were = following Baba. Do not be fooled by the devotees that say they have = peace of mind. I have seen many who proclaim better state of mind but = really are very nervous people. =20 Thank you for your time and patience through my long and complicated = story. =20
