A Newfie went out ice fishing one day. After cutting his first hole in the ice and fishing for a while, he heard a voice say,"There's no fish down there!!" The Newfie then packed up, moved to another part of the ice, cut a hole and began to fish. Again the voice said,"There's no fish down there!!" Again the Newfie packed up and went to another spot, cut another hole, and began to fish again. He then heard the voice say, "This is the stadium manager, there's no fish down there!!"

Two Newfies board a plane and sit in the wrong section... So this guy comes up and says "Excuse me fellas you're sitting in my section." The by'se say "Sorry Ol' cocky, we ain't moving till dis plane lands in St.John's." So he gets the stewardress who says "Gentlemen would you please move to your section of the plane?" "Nope. We is not moving till we land in Sin. John's luv." Well next, out comes the co-pilot and talks to the by'se. After a couple of minutes the by'se get up and move. The stewardress says "How did you get them to move?" He says "Well I asked them to move to the rear section, and they said "we're not moving till we land in St. John's". So I said 'Well fellas, I got some bad news. This section of the plane ain't going to St.John's."

Two old fishermen were having a chat one day about how cold the weather was getting. "I bought meself a waterloo stove last fall," said one fellow,"An' I only burned 'alf me firewood all winter." Well, in dat case, I's gonna buy two," said the other. "Dat way I'll save all me firewood."

After just getting married,Newfie said to his wife;"Aggie, am I the first man you ever went to bed with?" Wife: "You know Jarge, you could be, your face do look familiar."

A Newfie was taking an IQ test and was handed a picture of a frying pan with the handle missing. The question was: What is missing in this picture? Newfie wrote on the bottom: Two eggs and a slice of bacon.

I like this one!! No offence to all my Nova Scotia Pals! We have to get a "lick" in now and then!!!

Fishing was'nt so good for Clar and his sons in Nfld, so they decided to go to Nova Scotia for their last catch of the season. They were fishing for two days and almost had their boat full when they were stopped by another fishing boat from Nova Scotia. Captain: "Don't you know you're not allowed to catch Nova scotian fish?" Newfie: "We are only keeping Nfld fish." Captain: "How can you tell the difference?" Newfie: All the fish with BIG mouths, we throw back."

Me "granfodder' drank a bottle of rum every day since he was 17 yrs old. He died nine years ago at the age of eighty, was cremated and they're still trying to put out the fire!!

There once was a girl from Port aux Basques
Who walked in the water up to her knees
NOVA SCOTIAN: "BUT that doesn't rhyme".
NEWFIE: "It will when the tide rises"!!

Newfie was hungry and tired after driving his truck from ST.JOHNS, so he stopped at a diner in Corner Brook for a scoff. There were five mean looking motorcyclists from Toronto there and they started pushing him around and laughing at him. When the waitress brought his food, they grabbed it from her and ate it. Newfie did'nt say a word. pulled a dollar from his pocket, paid his bill and walked out. One of the fellows said to the waitress: "That newfie is'nt much of a man, is he?" Waitress: "No, and he's not much of a driver either. He just ran over five motor bikes that were parked outside".

Newfie bought 'is wife a new dress fer the new years ball and she discovered that 'er neighbour 'ad one just like it. "e 'ad to buy 'er a new one! Let's face it! It's cheaper than moving!

At a steel company in Ontario they decided to put up a suggestion box. They offered $50 to anyone whose suggestion was used by the company. A newfie suggested that the prize be cut down to $25. He was'nt too popular after that but he did win the first suggestion award!

Well, I told you we newfs love to laff and we can take a joke too!

A newfie lived on a small island just off the mainland of Nova scotia. One evening he decided to row to the mainland for an evening of fun. After polishing off a few beers in the local pub, a fight started and he was in the middle of it. One hour later the joint was wrecked. There were fellows hanging on the coat rack on the wall, tables and chairs broken, not one bottle left standing on the bar and people even hanging half way out on the street from the windows. Before newfie went out he said: "If you wish to continue dis fight, come to me island next saturday and I'll take on nutin' less than 100 men". The next saturday 100 men rowed over in their dories. Two days passed and they did'nt arrive home so 100 more went over. They also failed to return. The people on the mainland were really concerned now, so they got together and 600 of them went to the island. When they arrived they noticed that the place looked like a battle field. There were Nova Scotians up in the trees, on the beach and scattered all over the island. They came across one fellow on the beach who was closer to death than life, and one of the men asked: " What happened?" "Go back", was the reply, "Go back". "Why go back, what happened anyway?" "He lied to us", came the feeble answer, "There are two of them here".