I've been in the craft for some time now, and one of my fondest memories
was of my initiation into the craft. It was a very special night, and the
entire coven brought presents to celebrate the event, and we had a wonderful
ritual where I was brought into the circle and introduced to the elements
and to the God and Goddess formally. I was welcomed into a wonderful family
of people and a fascinating and beautiful spiritual path. The personal,magickal
and spiritually fulfilling relationship I have with the Goddess and God has
been the most awe-inspiring and comforting thing in my life. It was a beautiful
celebration of my initiation. But it was not the beginning.

Back in the days of ancient tribal shamans, a candidate had to go through an
arduous and life threatening process to become a shaman. Many died. The ones
who lived were thought to have crossed into death and come back, and therefore
were qualfied to lead the People in the spritual life of the tribe or clan,after
a long training process by an older and more experienced shaman.

I imagine that many of us, in our civilized delusional way , think that this is
a horrific way to be initiated, and that it doesn't exist anymore. While it may be
horrific, I believe it still exists.

I am living with HIV and am also a recovering drug addict. The five years after my
diagnosis, I walked on the streets using drugs and discovering the dark, shadow side
of myself; I walked with death. Not until later did Godfather Death and Grandmother
Crone become my friends in the sense that I came to terms with them and how they relate
to my life. Our modern day society's moral distaste for the use of mind altering sub-
stances aside, this was my way of crossing the abyss and learning what death AND life
meant. It was the way I was able to begin the process of becoming a priest.

Of course, this is all well and good now. Hindsight is 20/20. At the time, I was in
an immense amount of psychic, spiritual and emotional pain and came very close to dying
both physically and spiritually. It is easy to give it a name today, and talk about it
from an intelligent point of view, but once in a while when it is late and I can't sleep
or I am in pain, I remember the precipice I straddled and from which I almost fell.
And I remember the loving, gentle grace of a Goddess and the male strength of a God, both
of whom pulled me back after I learned some of the lesson they meant for me to. The lessons
continue, sometimes painful, most times loving and gentle.

The initiation and life go on. As do I. I hope that in this lifetime, I can show others
how to touch the Divine within. I hope to remind them that the things which they have
experienced, both painful and joyful are all lessons to be learned from.

Blessed Be!

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