Jan. 23

Hey, music lovers! Want something a little different?

There's an album due to be released next week, with a selection of hard rock and metal songs such as "Panama", by Van Halen, "Enter Sandman", by Metallica, "No More Mr. Nice Guy", by Alice Cooper, and "Stairway to Heaven", by Led Zeppelin, to name a few. Who's performing this selection of heavy metal classics? Pat Boone. Pat Boone?????? Yep! He asked some studio musicians what he could do that he hasn't done already, and this was their suggestion.

We've already decided that this is a "must have" album at our house. It's just too bizarre to pass up! Pat Boone sings Metallica! It's almost frightening to consider. I wonder how the members of these bands feel about it?

Jan. 22

Look! In the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's . . . Hanuman?

Remember, Steve Fossett? He's the guy that was trying to fly around the world in a hot air balloon recently. Well, it seems that he had to set down in mustard field near the village of Nunkhar, India. The villagers, seeing him coming, thought his silver balloon was a floating temple, and thought he was a human incarnation of their monkey god, Hanuman.

O.K. I suppose it's a little understandable, if you look at it from the villagers point of view. But . . . a MONKEY god??

Jan. 17

How's that again?

Officials in Miami Beach, Florida, are warning people about an expected incursion of stinging sea lice, a form of jellyfish, during the months from March to August. Their recommendation? Swim naked during this time. Yes, naked. Apparently the jellyfish embed themselves in swimsuits.

Excuse me for just a second. I have to call my travel agent. . . . Just kidding!

Jan. 14

Congratulations, Whitney!

Whitney Robinson, 16, of Valdosta, Georgia, is the first student in the history of Valdosta High School to score a perfect 1600 in the national SAT. She plans to attend college and eventually become a research scientist.

O.K. So it's not earth-shaking, amusing, or outrageous. I just think she deserved some recognition (such as it is) for accomplishing something that had never been done in her school, and something that the majority of students have failed to do: Achieve a perfect score on the SAT's.

Jan. 13

For someone who's dead, you look great!

In 1995, Alberta Carter's husband passed away. Somehow, the Social Security Administration's computers were given the information that Alberta had died as well. So far, she has been trying to prove she's alive for 18 months! Alberta's comment? "I'm the liveliest dead person around!"

Would you like a little red tape while you wait, Alberta? Talk about needing two forms of picture I.D.!!

It's official. Monday's are bad for your health.

According to a study done by researchers at the University of Maryland, Monday is the unhealthiest day of the week. The study showed a higher incidence of heart attacks and irregular heartbeats on Monday than any other day of the week. The researchers believe that the stress of the new work week is the culprit, and suggested that people set aside some time over the weekend to get organized and avoid the Monday morning rush.

Who are they kidding? Everybody knows the weekends aren't long enough as it is! And now we're supposed to find time to get organized for Monday? Yeah, right! :-)

Jan. 9

Good for him!

Lionel Perreault, 72, the owner of Babe's Store in Sanford, Maine, stopped an attempted armed robbery in his store by picking up a three-foot wire potato chip rack and beating the would-be robber with it until he fled the store!

Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!!! Way to go Lionel!!!

Monkey business.

Apparently in Cape Town, South Africa, the local wildlife have gotten tired of all the traffic. Baboons have been throwing rocks at cars on a busy highway there. The police retaliated by throwing rocks back to drive them off.

I'll leave any comment to you!

Jan. 7

Total devotion.

A 56-year-old man looked after his 86-year-old relative for an entire week after she died, apparently from natural causes, even giving her sponge baths. He called the police finally to say "there was something wrong" with her. A police spokesman said, "He apparently was in denial."

'Nuf said

They'll try anything.

In an effort to persuade the Tupac Amaru rebels in Peru to give up their hostages, a dozen Andean spiritual healers chanted, "We want peace," spat potions into the air, waved animal skulls, and burned incense outside the Japanese ambassador's residence in Lima. There was no response from the rebels.

Uh, huh.

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