By: Page aka Egon No Tenshi
Beta Read by: Abby aka LadyFluxx
Rated: pg-13 for violence and angst. No smut in this one...
Thank you to LadyFluxx for being my beta-reader. Sheís the reason I got into RGB slash and continues to
be the reason that Iím up all night reading and writing slash. At times I donít know whether to thank her
or strangle her...
This is my first humble attempt at a slash ghostbusters fic. It was inspired by the following
Eyes on Me
from the SquareSoft videogame Final Fantasy VIII
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you?...
So let me come to you
Close as I want to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I love your peaceful eyes on me
††† Thatís all I want to know. Why.
††† I hate hospitals, you know that Egon. I hate them and their funky sterile
hospital smell. I hate their rude nurses and bossy know-it-all doctors. I
hate seeing you like...
††† I lean down and caress your limp hand in my own, your long slender
fingers slipping through mine. You look so peaceful, as if you could just
wake up at any moment. Your usually fair skin is almost as white as your
sheets. The apathetic machines and tubes attached to your lax arms and chest
are my only reminders that youíre still with us. Your hands are so cold.
Bitterly cold. You were always so warm, Egon. Not now. Not like this. I take
my hands away, scared. I havenít even had time to wipe the dried blood from
††† Thatís all I can ask. Thatís all Iíll allow myself to ask. You know,
sometimes you can be so smart and so stupid all at the same time. Only you
could pull that off. Your eyes are closed so tightly. I want to see those
eyes again, Egon. Those baby blues Iíve woken up to. Those crystal blue eyes
Iíve shared deep penetrating moments with. Those bottomless eyes that have
looked on me with more respect and love than I could ever give myself. I want
to see those eyes again so badly that Iíll pry them open myself if you don‚Äôt
††† So stupid.
††† Why, Egon. Just give me one good reason why you pushed me down. Of all
people, me. Not Ray, not Winston. Me. The bust was over, or so we thought.
The class six, we didnít even see it coming and WEíRE the professionals? And
it was coming straight for me. Iím just a magnet for danger, arenít I? All I
could see was its razor sharp talons pointed straight at my heart. There was
no time to think, no time to scream.
††† Then you. I didnít see all of it. Actually, I didnít see any of it. You
shoved me to the hard, musty floor, dust flying up into my nose. Everything
was one big blur. My senses went numb as I slowly understood what had
happened. I could faintly hear Ray yelling in the background. Then the sharp
crackle of the proton beam.
††† Then nothing.
††† Youíll never know what that was like. Never. I stayed on the ground for a
moment, not wanting to move. Not wanting reality to set in. Finally I pulled
my shaking head around to face what I had feared: I saw you laying motionless
next to me.
††† The blood. Iíve never wanted to see that much blood, especially not
coming out of you. The world swirled and convulsed around me as I pushed
myself up. I gathered your head into my lap, your pain filled face looking up
at me with tears in your eyes.
††† Your bright blue eyes.
††† As Winston went to work on your wounds, doing whatever he could to stop
the rampant bleeding,† you just stared up at me, never missing my eyes. I
dared not look down at your body. All I could see was the deep red blood
staining your once cerulean jumpsuit. The same blood that now covered my
fingers. I numbly stroked your ultra blond hair, trying to comfort you as
best I could. You felt it, didnít you?
††† I heard the sirens. Ray had called the ambulance. He was quicker at this
than I was. At once, the paramedics surrounded us, one pulling me away.
Pulling my hand away from your face. And that was all I saw as the darkness
closed in on me and I gave in to the shock. All I could feel was the icy
metal of your glasses pressed between my fists.
††† The next thing I knew I was lying in the hospital waiting room, curled up
on the hard couch. Ray was asleep next to me, his hand draped over my chest.
I cautiously shifted my weight from under his and sat up. The lights were too
bright. Thatís the other thing about hospitals I hate. The sickly florescent
lights stung my eyes as I tried to focus. Where was I? Where were you?
††† Winston came around the corner from talking with the doctors. I could
tell he was surprised to see me awake and staring back at him hungry for
answers. I probably startled him. I looked like a mess, more than usual
anyway. I must have been trembling, my hair rustled beyond repair. Sticking
my head in a wind tunnel wouldnít have done a damn thing to it. Winston sat
next to me and placed his heavy hand on my shoulder. We could never keep
secrets from each other. He didnít even have to say it. I could see
everything written on his face.
††† It just HAD to be a coma.
††† I sit here now beside your bed, and Iím afraid. Iíd never admit it to
anyone, perhaps not even you. Iím afraid, Egon. There are a million emotions
going through my mind. Guilt; dread; sorrow. But mostly I feel fear. Iím
scared for you, Iím scared for me. Your always so warm and vibrant. Always
acting, always thinking, always confident. My hands drift slowly down your
pale face. The overhead lamp makes you look so frail and helpless. I donít
like this Spengs. Not at all.
††† We canít do this without you Egon. Winstonís outside digging a permanent
track in the waiting room. Heís most likely pulled his 100th lap by now.
Heís the glue that makes us all a team. Winstonís doing his best to be brave
but heís breaking down too. Heís really worried, we all are. By now heís
comforting Ray. Ray. God, I wish I had that kidís strength. Rayís the one we
can always depend on when things go wrong but heís also the one who wears his
emotions on his sleeve. As I watched Winston tell Ray the news I could see
his innocent heart crumbling into tiny pieces.
††† And me? Well, you know how I feel or maybe you donít. So many wasted
opportunities. So many Sunday morning breakfasts and late nights in the lab.
Too many late night cups of cocoa over which I could have told you how I
truly feel. Now all I can do is regret. Everyone Iíve ever gotten close to
has left me one way or another. Dad, mom... Donít you, Egon. Not you. Donít
leave me alone...
††† I lean over the rail and leave gentle kisses on your forehead. When you
were in my arms, my face was so close to yours. But I couldnít bring myself
to kiss you then. I didnít have the courage I have now. I sit back down on my
wooden chair and slide closer next to you. My weary head rests on your firm
††† Donít do this to me, Spengs. We need you. Ray, Winston, Janine. And I
need you. I need a second chance.
††† I need to make you mine.
††† All mine.
††† So cold.
††† Iím afraid to move. My eyes creep open. I can barely make out anything.
Everything is so dim. Too dim. Winston? Ray? Peter? Where is everybody? I
canít remember... I feel so lost and confused. Iím not used to that. I feel
myself floating. Iím definitely not used that. I open my eyes fully now. This
darkened room is unfamiliar to me. Crying, I can hear someone crying.
††† Thatís me in the bed, isnít it. And you Peter. Youíre crying for me?
Weíre in a hospital. If Iím here and Iím watching myself, then am I...?
††† No. There wouldnít be life support machines connected to a corpse. So if
Iím here, then that must mean Iím in a.... oh, my....
†††† Why? Now I remember what happened. The class six. It attacked you,
Peter, and you didnít have a chance to pull your weapon. No one did until it
was far too late. Itís horrible teeth and claws slashing out at you. I
couldnít just watch it happen, I wouldnít. I pushed you out of the way. It
was the only thing I could do. Immediately I felt all of my sensations crash
in on themselves and explode in a ball of fury.
†††† I remember seeing you, your green eyes fixing on mine. I knew Winston
and Ray were close by, very close, but I could only see you. You looked so
frightened, more frightened than Iíd ever seen you with a ghost. I began to
cry. I felt so helpless, like I was sitting through a movie. It was just so
cold and I couldnít understand why I couldnít move or talk. The only thing I
knew was I was suddenly rather sleepy. All I could do was watch your horror
stricken face in absolute frustration. Then the lights suddenly went out and
here I was.
††† Peter. You must be quite irate with me. Youíve probably called me every
curse word you possibly know by now, havenít you. I donít blame you though.
Iím so sorry for leaving you like this. Again I can only watch you, watch
††† Somehow, I can hear Ray crying softly. I can hear Winstonís thoughts. I
can hear their hearts breaking. Youíve stopped crying, Peter. Now youíre
asleep, your face nuzzled next to mine. Your arm gently holds on to my
shoulder as one last tear rolls down your cheek. Iíve never seen you like
this Peter, Iím not sure anyone else has. You donít pride yourself on the
sentimentalist you are deep down inside.
††† I glide to hover beside you. Iím afraid to try and touch you, already
knowing Iíll just pass through you. I canít begin to deal with that
realization now. I just wish I could touch you. Youíve always been beside me.
Youíve always been within my reach. Now that Iíve been deprived of something
as basic as a touch, I am more alone than I have ever felt since I met you.
You look so defenseless laying beside me. The only time you let your guard
down is when youíre asleep.
††† You really do love me, donít you Peter. I am eternally sorry I never saw
it before. I was too stubborn to notice. Iíve foolishly squandered the time
we had together. Iím so sorry Peter. Iíve caused you pain. That was the last
thing I ever wanted to do to you. All I desire is a second chance.
††† Iíll make things right.
††† I promise.
††† I knew it was a bad idea. I knew it from the start.
††† Donít get me wrong. I was damn happy when you woke up. I couldnít move,
I didnít want to. You looked at me with your bleary blue eyes, a mysterious
sympathy in them. I could tell you were too weak to move but the light in
your eyes gave you away. Inside you were bursting out with joy. I rubbed my
quivering hands over yours, feeling the warmth returning to them. No more
waiting, no more hoping. It wasnít a dream. You were back, you were really
††† You slowly whispered my name in your bass voice. I had to smile. I feared
Iíd never hear it again. I held your hand up to my cheek and held on for dear
life. You didnít seem to object. Your light fingers caressed my tear soaked
face ever so slightly. I had go to tell the others. But first, I had to do
something I should have done a long time ago. This couldnít wait another
second. It had already waited too long.
††† I told you. I told you everything. I told you I loved you. I told you I
loved you from the top of your white blond hair down to your slender feet.
††† Here comes that fear again.
††† I instantly closed my eyes and dropped my head. I expected to see your
confused and offended eyes. Immediately I regretted saying a word. This was
too much and too sudden. I held my hands over my face as I started to blush.
Iíd told myself to stop doing that years ago but I couldnít help it. I could
never take it back now. Iíd jumped head first into uncharted waters without a
life jacket. I knew Iíd screw up our friendship somehow. I just didnít
expect it to be like this. How could someone like you possibly ever love me.
††† Your touch. So warm.
††† Your hand reached out to my humiliated face and your fingers played in my
loose hair. Any other time, if it was anyone else, I would have been spouting
insults one after the other. But it was you and this touch was different. It
was soothing. I dared to look up, still not sure at what I might find.
††† There was no accusation. No shame. No embarrassment in your pale blue
eyes. A fragile smile crept up your face. There was only understanding and
relief as if an equally heavy weight had been lifted from your back. I donít
know how, but I felt you knew even before I opened my mouth. You recognized
the love I felt for you and you shared it. I began to cry again as I laughed
††† Thatís what I love about you, Spengs.
††† That you love me.
††† I kiss him again on his waiting lips. It feels so good.
††† I wrap the blankets around Peterís bare chest with my free arm. He
mumbles in his sleep and edges closer to me. He buries his head in my chest,
his warm breath tickling me. I winced only once from the lingering pain of my
wounds. It was worth it. He was worth it.
††† The fire hall is silent tonight, or at least it was now. Winston and Ray
had decided see a late night movie. A wise decision. Moonlight from the
nearby window collects in neat patches on our bed. I bring my slender arm
around his body and down his back. Nights like these were made for cuddling.
††† Peter. There isnít anything left to say. No matter what happens to us, in
life and in death, weíll always be together. Youíre not alone anymore, nor
††† I love you, you love me.
††† Thatís all I could ever hope for.