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SECOND CHANCES
By: Page aka Egon No Tenshi
Beta Read by: Abby aka LadyFluxx
Rated: pg-13 for violence and angst. No smut in this one...
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Thank you to LadyFluxx for being my beta-reader. She’s the reason I got into RGB slash and continues to be the reason that I’m up all night reading and writing slash. At times I don’t know whether to thank her or strangle her...
This is my first humble attempt at a slash ghostbusters fic. It was inspired by the following song. Enjoy!
Eyes on Me
from the SquareSoft videogame Final Fantasy VIII
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you?...
So let me come to you
Close as I want to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I love your peaceful eyes on me
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Why.
That’s all I want to know. Why.
I hate hospitals, you know that Egon. I hate them and their funky sterile hospital smell. I hate their rude nurses and bossy know-it-all doctors. I hate seeing you like...
I lean down and caress your limp hand in my own, your long slender fingers slipping through mine. You look so peaceful, as if you could just wake up at any moment. Your usually fair skin is almost as white as your sheets. The apathetic machines and tubes attached to your lax arms and chest are my only reminders that you’re still with us. Your hands are so cold. Bitterly cold. You were always so warm, Egon. Not now. Not like this. I take my hands away, scared. I haven’t even had time to wipe the dried blood from my hands.
That’s all I can ask. That’s all I’ll allow myself to ask. You know, sometimes you can be so smart and so stupid all at the same time. Only you could pull that off. Your eyes are closed so tightly. I want to see those eyes again, Egon. Those baby blues I’ve woken up to. Those crystal blue eyes I’ve shared deep penetrating moments with. Those bottomless eyes that have looked on me with more respect and love than I could ever give myself. I want to see those eyes again so badly that I’ll pry them open myself if you don’t wake up.
So stupid.
Why, Egon. Just give me one good reason why you pushed me down. Of all people, me. Not Ray, not Winston. Me. The bust was over, or so we thought. The class six, we didn’t even see it coming and WE’RE the professionals? And it was coming straight for me. I’m just a magnet for danger, aren’t I? All I could see was its razor sharp talons pointed straight at my heart. There was no time to think, no time to scream.
Then you. I didn’t see all of it. Actually, I didn’t see any of it. You shoved me to the hard, musty floor, dust flying up into my nose. Everything was one big blur. My senses went numb as I slowly understood what had happened. I could faintly hear Ray yelling in the background. Then the sharp crackle of the proton beam.
Then nothing.
You’ll never know what that was like. Never. I stayed on the ground for a moment, not wanting to move. Not wanting reality to set in. Finally I pulled my shaking head around to face what I had feared: I saw you laying motionless next to me.
The blood. I’ve never wanted to see that much blood, especially not coming out of you. The world swirled and convulsed around me as I pushed myself up. I gathered your head into my lap, your pain filled face looking up at me with tears in your eyes.
Your bright blue eyes.
As Winston went to work on your wounds, doing whatever he could to stop the rampant bleeding, you just stared up at me, never missing my eyes. I dared not look down at your body. All I could see was the deep red blood staining your once cerulean jumpsuit. The same blood that now covered my fingers. I numbly stroked your ultra blond hair, trying to comfort you as best I could. You felt it, didn’t you?
I heard the sirens. Ray had called the ambulance. He was quicker at this than I was. At once, the paramedics surrounded us, one pulling me away. Pulling my hand away from your face. And that was all I saw as the darkness closed in on me and I gave in to the shock. All I could feel was the icy metal of your glasses pressed between my fists.
The next thing I knew I was lying in the hospital waiting room, curled up on the hard couch. Ray was asleep next to me, his hand draped over my chest. I cautiously shifted my weight from under his and sat up. The lights were too bright. That’s the other thing about hospitals I hate. The sickly florescent lights stung my eyes as I tried to focus. Where was I? Where were you?
Winston came around the corner from talking with the doctors. I could tell he was surprised to see me awake and staring back at him hungry for answers. I probably startled him. I looked like a mess, more than usual anyway. I must have been trembling, my hair rustled beyond repair. Sticking my head in a wind tunnel wouldn’t have done a damn thing to it. Winston sat next to me and placed his heavy hand on my shoulder. We could never keep secrets from each other. He didn’t even have to say it. I could see everything written on his face.
Coma.
It just HAD to be a coma.
I sit here now beside your bed, and I’m afraid. I’d never admit it to anyone, perhaps not even you. I’m afraid, Egon. There are a million emotions going through my mind. Guilt; dread; sorrow. But mostly I feel fear. I’m scared for you, I’m scared for me. Your always so warm and vibrant. Always acting, always thinking, always confident. My hands drift slowly down your pale face. The overhead lamp makes you look so frail and helpless. I don’t like this Spengs. Not at all.
We can’t do this without you Egon. Winston’s outside digging a permanent track in the waiting room. He’s most likely pulled his 100th lap by now. He’s the glue that makes us all a team. Winston’s doing his best to be brave but he’s breaking down too. He’s really worried, we all are. By now he’s comforting Ray. Ray. God, I wish I had that kid’s strength. Ray’s the one we can always depend on when things go wrong but he’s also the one who wears his emotions on his sleeve. As I watched Winston tell Ray the news I could see his innocent heart crumbling into tiny pieces.
And me? Well, you know how I feel or maybe you don’t. So many wasted opportunities. So many Sunday morning breakfasts and late nights in the lab. Too many late night cups of cocoa over which I could have told you how I truly feel. Now all I can do is regret. Everyone I’ve ever gotten close to has left me one way or another. Dad, mom... Don’t you, Egon. Not you. Don’t leave me alone...
I lean over the rail and leave gentle kisses on your forehead. When you were in my arms, my face was so close to yours. But I couldn’t bring myself to kiss you then. I didn’t have the courage I have now. I sit back down on my wooden chair and slide closer next to you. My weary head rests on your firm shoulder.
Don’t do this to me, Spengs. We need you. Ray, Winston, Janine. And I need you. I need a second chance.
I need to make you mine.
All mine.
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Cold.
So cold.
I’m afraid to move. My eyes creep open. I can barely make out anything. Everything is so dim. Too dim. Winston? Ray? Peter? Where is everybody? I can’t remember... I feel so lost and confused. I’m not used to that. I feel myself floating. I’m definitely not used that. I open my eyes fully now. This darkened room is unfamiliar to me. Crying, I can hear someone crying.
That’s me in the bed, isn’t it. And you Peter. You’re crying for me?
We’re in a hospital. If I’m here and I’m watching myself, then am I...?
No. There wouldn’t be life support machines connected to a corpse. So if I’m here, then that must mean I’m in a.... oh, my....
Why? Now I remember what happened. The class six. It attacked you, Peter, and you didn’t have a chance to pull your weapon. No one did until it was far too late. It’s horrible teeth and claws slashing out at you. I couldn’t just watch it happen, I wouldn’t. I pushed you out of the way. It was the only thing I could do. Immediately I felt all of my sensations crash in on themselves and explode in a ball of fury.
I remember seeing you, your green eyes fixing on mine. I knew Winston and Ray were close by, very close, but I could only see you. You looked so frightened, more frightened than I’d ever seen you with a ghost. I began to cry. I felt so helpless, like I was sitting through a movie. It was just so cold and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t move or talk. The only thing I knew was I was suddenly rather sleepy. All I could do was watch your horror stricken face in absolute frustration. Then the lights suddenly went out and here I was.
Peter. You must be quite irate with me. You’ve probably called me every curse word you possibly know by now, haven’t you. I don’t blame you though. I’m so sorry for leaving you like this. Again I can only watch you, watch your pain.
Somehow, I can hear Ray crying softly. I can hear Winston’s thoughts. I can hear their hearts breaking. You’ve stopped crying, Peter. Now you’re asleep, your face nuzzled next to mine. Your arm gently holds on to my shoulder as one last tear rolls down your cheek. I’ve never seen you like this Peter, I’m not sure anyone else has. You don’t pride yourself on the sentimentalist you are deep down inside.
I glide to hover beside you. I’m afraid to try and touch you, already knowing I’ll just pass through you. I can’t begin to deal with that realization now. I just wish I could touch you. You’ve always been beside me. You’ve always been within my reach. Now that I’ve been deprived of something as basic as a touch, I am more alone than I have ever felt since I met you. You look so defenseless laying beside me. The only time you let your guard down is when you’re asleep.
You really do love me, don’t you Peter. I am eternally sorry I never saw it before. I was too stubborn to notice. I’ve foolishly squandered the time we had together. I’m so sorry Peter. I’ve caused you pain. That was the last thing I ever wanted to do to you. All I desire is a second chance.
I’ll make things right.
I promise.
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I knew it was a bad idea. I knew it from the start.
Don’t get me wrong. I was damn happy when you woke up. I couldn’t move, I didn’t want to. You looked at me with your bleary blue eyes, a mysterious sympathy in them. I could tell you were too weak to move but the light in your eyes gave you away. Inside you were bursting out with joy. I rubbed my quivering hands over yours, feeling the warmth returning to them. No more waiting, no more hoping. It wasn’t a dream. You were back, you were really back.
You slowly whispered my name in your bass voice. I had to smile. I feared I’d never hear it again. I held your hand up to my cheek and held on for dear life. You didn’t seem to object. Your light fingers caressed my tear soaked face ever so slightly. I had go to tell the others. But first, I had to do something I should have done a long time ago. This couldn’t wait another second. It had already waited too long.
I told you. I told you everything. I told you I loved you. I told you I loved you from the top of your white blond hair down to your slender feet. Here comes that fear again.
I instantly closed my eyes and dropped my head. I expected to see your confused and offended eyes. Immediately I regretted saying a word. This was too much and too sudden. I held my hands over my face as I started to blush. I’d told myself to stop doing that years ago but I couldn’t help it. I could never take it back now. I’d jumped head first into uncharted waters without a life jacket. I knew I’d screw up our friendship somehow. I just didn’t expect it to be like this. How could someone like you possibly ever love me.
Your touch. So warm.
Your hand reached out to my humiliated face and your fingers played in my loose hair. Any other time, if it was anyone else, I would have been spouting insults one after the other. But it was you and this touch was different. It was soothing. I dared to look up, still not sure at what I might find.
There was no accusation. No shame. No embarrassment in your pale blue eyes. A fragile smile crept up your face. There was only understanding and relief as if an equally heavy weight had been lifted from your back. I don’t know how, but I felt you knew even before I opened my mouth. You recognized the love I felt for you and you shared it. I began to cry again as I laughed out loud.
That’s what I love about you, Spengs.
That you love me.
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I kiss him again on his waiting lips. It feels so good.
I wrap the blankets around Peter’s bare chest with my free arm. He mumbles in his sleep and edges closer to me. He buries his head in my chest, his warm breath tickling me. I winced only once from the lingering pain of my wounds. It was worth it. He was worth it.
The fire hall is silent tonight, or at least it was now. Winston and Ray had decided see a late night movie. A wise decision. Moonlight from the nearby window collects in neat patches on our bed. I bring my slender arm around his body and down his back. Nights like these were made for cuddling.
Peter. There isn’t anything left to say. No matter what happens to us, in life and in death, we’ll always be together. You’re not alone anymore, nor am I.
I love you, you love me.
That’s all I could ever hope for.
The End
egon_no_tenshi@hotmail.com