what will b will b

I can't make any promises
Not to myself
Not to you
Not to anyone else
I can't make any promises . . .
I don't know what's true
I don't know what's right
Perhaps you think you do
But you don't live my life
And you're not in my mind . . .
I can't make any promises
Not to anyone
I don't know anything
Nor does anyone
I can't make any promises . . .
Everything I don't know
Revolves around my life
Perhaps you think you know
But I don't want to fight
I'd rather go with the flow . . .

What will be will be (que sera sera)
That's just the way it goes
I see what I see (veo que veo)
And I didn't make it so
You don't have to agree (no tiene que concordar)
But just hear what you're told
What will be will be (que sera sera)
There's too much you don't know

. . . 'cause I can't make any promises . . .

I can't say anything for sure
Ask me whatever you want
But it may not help
I can't make any promises . . .
I don't know what to do
I don't know what to say
Perhaps you think you do
And then say what you may
But you don't really know me . . .
Now nothing in life is certain
Not for anyone
I don't know final truth
Nor does anyone
I can't make any promises . . .
All I can do is grow
I can't say what's right
Perhaps you think you know
But you don't live my life
I'd rather go with the flow . . .

'cause I can't make any promises . . .
You don't live my life . . .
You're not in my mind . . .
Say what you may . . .
You don't really know me . . .
Headlights or three-dollar bills . . .
I'll go where fate takes me . . .
I'll just go with the flow . . .

'cause I can't make any promises . . .


("copywrite" 11:32 am wednesday july 12 1995)

padded walls

Someday
Someday they'll come for me
One day, some day
Oh they'll all be coming for me

No more running
No more screaming
No more falling
Falling of rain
Nothing frightening
Nothing alarming
Nothing discouraging
No more pain--
Oh let me out of here
It's lonely in here
I need to find the key
For release of all my fears
Anxiety
My apprehension is splattered all over the walls
All I do is wait for the day I will fall
A never-ending journey in dim-lit halls
Don't know what to do with myself at all
Sometimes I think I'm better off dead
Now I'm never ever sure of what's ahead
Completely closed in with a little tiny window
And all that I can see are the tears I've shed
But I won't go beyond the boundary rope
I wanna break my bounding ties
I really believe there's always hope
Even in the middle of all today's lies
It's got to be

Someday
Someday they'll come for me
One of these days
Someone's gotta come and take me away
Someday
Someday someone's gotta show me
One day, some day
There's gotta be a better way

No more fury
No more crying
No more battles
No more games
Nothing distressing
Nothing appalling
Nothing depressing
No more pain--
'Cause it's so lonely in here
Let me out
Bottling up so many fears
That have to get out
Away from me
I don't wanna be locked in anymore
All I need's someone to unlock this door
Bouncing against so many padded walls
What the hell did I do that for?
I've been content in a place called hell
All I need's someone to give some help
Never took care of myself very well
But things can change as far as I can tell
But will the world let me in
Will anyone welcome me
When everyone's living in sin
How far can improvement see . . . ?
Well tell me please

Some day
Will anybody come for me
One day, some day
Oh when will someone come for me
Some day
Is anyone coming for me
One of these days
Tell me someone's coming to take me away
Some day
Tell me someone's gonna show me
One day, some day
Someone tell me there's a better way

One of these days
Someone's gotta open my door
Any day now
Someone's gotta let me out
I don't want to hit the padded walls
But tell me what's there on the other side--
All the hope aside--
Can anyone really change
But I still want out
I want out anyway
What can I say, you say
In this day and age
There just doesn't seem to be a better place

Shut and lock the door
I'll sit here and sing to myself
Waiting . . .
Until the day . . .
That someone comes and takes me away


("copywrite" 11:51 am sunday august 28 1994)

if i was 2 jump

If I was to jump
How long would it take
for me to hit
And when I come back up
Could I would I regret it?
If I was to jump
That far down
Fom this far up
And with everyone around
How far would they back up
If I was to jump
Would anyone could
anyone miss me
And if I lived
Could I would I regret it?
If I was to jump
How many would come
to see me hit
And if I lived
Would they be disappointed?
If I was to jump
How quiet would
Be the trip down
From this far up
Would I know what hit me
If I was to jump
Would it feel like
I was flying
And when I look around
Would they could they be crying?

Who would pick up the pieces of me
Who would cry for me
Who would pick up the pieces of me
Who would mourn for me
Who would pick up the pieces of me
Who would care for long
Who would pick up the pieces of me
Who would care that I'm gone . . .
Who would catch me
Who would pick me up . . .
If I was to jump . . .

If I was to jump . . .

If I was to jump
How long would it take
for you to care
And when I came back up
Would you cry would you dare
If I was to jump
If I was to enjoy
my final journey
Would you still mourn for me
Would you react the same as anyone
If I was to jump
Would you if you could
Come see me hit
Would you care for long
Could you would you handle it?
If I was to jump
Would it hurt you as
much as it would me
And if I lived
Would you be disappointed?
If I was to jump
Who would pick me up
If I was to jump
Who would pick up the pieces
If I was to jump
If I was to jump
Who would try to guess
If I was to jump
Who'd clean up the mess
If I was to jump . . .

Who would pick up the pieces of me
Would you cry for me
Who would pick up the pieces of me
Would you mourn for me
Who would pick up the pieces of me
Would you care for long
Who would pick up the pieces of me
Would you care that I'm gone . . .
Would you catch me
Would you pick me up
If I was to jump . . .

If I was to jump . . .

Could I would I regret it?
Would anyone could anyone miss me?
Could I would I regret it?
Would they be disappointed?
Would I know what hit me?
Would anyone could anyone be crying?
Could you would you handle it?
Would you be disappointed?
If I was to jump . . .
Oh, if I was to jump . . .

Who would pick up the pieces of me . . .


("copywrite" 1:39 pm monday july 10 1995)

lonely

Someone tell me
I am someone
Who can I tell
I am someone
And I have no one

No one to hold my hand
No one to kiss my lips
No one to hold me tight
No one to keep me warm
Every day I walk alone
Every day I count my woes
Every night I sleep alone
Every night I'm very cold

When I realize
I've never known much
I just can't bear
What I have to watch
Love surrounds me
And I'm never touched

And I think, and I talk
And I think to myself
Who have I got--
Who have I got but me?
Only lonely me--
Only lonely
Only lonely me.

I'm ready
Ready for someone
After twenty years
Ready for someone
To listen to me . . .
I'm ready for someone
To be a part of me . . .

To make me feel special
To make me feel wonderful
To make me feel wanted
To make me feel beautiful
Someone to take me away
Someone to bring me home
Someone to hold me close
Someone to comfort me
Every day anxiety
Every week emotion surging
Every month sobriety
All the time my pain sharpens

Someone tell me . . .
Why no one hears me . . .
I am someone . . .
Someone come near me . . .
When I realize
The noise is clear
I just can't bear
What I have to hear
A hope of hope
Has been my crutch
All around me
And I'm never touched

And I talk, and I think
And I say to myself--
Who the hell have I got?
Who have I got but me?
Only me alone
Only lonely,
Only lonely me . . .

Never been warmed
By someone else's body
Never had someone
To be with always
So I sing of fictional relationships
'Cause I've never known love
And believe I never will--
Never had a lover
To hold me when I cry
Never had someone
To be here till I die
So I'll sing of someone else's relationship
'Cause I've never known love
And believe I never will

Happier than I've ever been
And I'm still miserable
(Should I be thankful?)
And then I go to bed . . .
And I'm alone again . . .
I'm still alone . . .

I'm ready . . .
Somebody take me . . .
Take me away . . .
Take me away from my loneliness . . .
So lonely . . .
I'm ready . . .


("copywrite" 11:50 pm monday september 16 1996 and expanded 4:14 pm wednesday january 19 1997)

r u

r u lonely without me?
r u hurting?
r u thinking about me?
r u burning?
r u torn up inside?
r u missing me?
r u feeling worthless?
r u feeling bad about yourself?

u should b, bitch
i hope u're feeling as miserable as i am
this is the end, the flowers r dead
and i hope it hurts u as long as it can

r u empty without me?
r u crying?
r u caring about me?
r u still lying?
r u depressed at all?
r u feeling as bad as myself?
r u fucking somone else?
r u feeling any guilt?

u should b, bitch
u said "i love u" and i believed it
it was so easy 2 deceive me
and i think u should know how i'm offended
i am lost in deep depression and
searching 4 reasons 2 go on
how does it feel 2 b responsible?

r u aware of how i feel?
r u understanding?
r u willing 2?
. . . u should b, bitch.


("copywrite" 1:04 pm friday february 23 1996)

dandelion

You're a useless woman.
Leave me be;
You do nothing for me.
You are useless, woman.

Used to make me sweat
Used to make me nervous
Used to send you roses
Beautiful like you
Beautiful like the woman
I once knew
Used to make me fret
Used to waste my dollars
Used to go to dinner
Elegant like you
So classy like the woman
I once knew

One of those nights,
I looked further inside,
I saw the real you;
It wasn't so hard for me to decide,
One of those nights
Walking through the garden
Looking past the roses
It wasn't so hard for me to decide
One of those nights
Nearly planting a seed
But between bigger weeds
Found it easy to leave you behind
Easy to get you out of my mind

You're a useless woman.
You're a useless woman.
Leave me be;
You are useless, woman.
You're a useless woman.
Don't you see,
You do nothing for me.
You are useless, woman.

So it turns out . . .

Life with you
Was no bed of roses
Why would I want you back?
What you do
Your life is a lie
Why should I be a part of that?
Never knew
Women could be like that
Why would I want you back?
Leave me be
Please . . .

I used to think
We had potential
Now I think
It was inevitable
We would never last
That one day,
When I looked past
The wilted roses in our garden
Laying flat to the ground
Beyond I saw the dandelions
Growing all around

In the distance, dandelions,
Only good for nothing
Why would I want to take you back?
Long ago the garden
We once could have walked through
Well it's rotted away and
The weeds have taken over there--
There's absolutely nothing I can do
Like an ugly flower
On the end of a weed
Like a dandelion, darling
Darling you're useless to me.
Darling dandelion
No more pleasant smell
(Next best thing to hell)
No more beauty
(Oh can't you see)
Darling dandelion darling--
You're useless to me.

Can't you see . . . ?
Can't you see
You do nothing for me.

Oh, you're useless, woman.
So useless, woman.
Leave me be;
You do nothing for me.
You're a useless woman.
You're a useless woman.
Leave me be;
You are useless, woman.
You're a useless woman.
Can't you see
You do nothing for me.
You are useless, woman.
You're so useless, woman.
Can't you see . . . ?
Can't you see--
You do nothing for me.

You're no bed of roses, darling.
Dandelion . . .
You do nothing for me.
You're a useless woman.


("copywrite" 5:07 pm sunday july 31 1994)

the embryo's potential

Potential mother, potential father
Woman and man's fertility
Come together

Together they are one
Together there is love
Together there is lust
Together they are on a journey
Together there is simplicity
Together they are one
Together they have become
Together they will grow

Conception
Simple and uncomplicated
Division, multiplication
Yet to be aware of destination

Here is safety
Here is a heart beat
Here is a cushion
Here is protection
Resting against the wall
Soothing vibrations
Here is a mother's music
Here is protection

Mother and father
Product of the man and woman
Facing destiny

Tiny spine, tiny spine
Such a tiny spine
But getting longer every day
Reaching for connections
For standing tall
For support for success
Support for confidence

Tiny mouth, tiny mouth
Such a tiny mouth
But getting ready every day
Ready for messages
And for smiling
At a chance for success
And hope for happiness

Tiny heart, tiny heart
Such a tiny heart
But getting stronger every day
Now it's always beating
Always feeling
Hard working contraption
Creating compassion

Tiny mind, tiny mind
Such a tiny mind
But growing faster every day
Ready for ideas
Contribution
For knowledge essential,
Achieving potential

Such a tiny thing
Such a tiny thing together
Everything together
Now dismembered

Torn apart, ripped in half
Is it a doctor or a hangar?
Prior to the aftermath
From inside it doesn't matter
Here is interrupted progress
Here there is no protection
Once together, now in pieces
Here is no more than mangled flesh.

Together there was one
Together was there love?
Together had a heart
Together now apart.


("copywrite" 11:21 pm saturday march 18 1995)

born again demons

anxiety
looking up 2 god
unworthy
undeserving of 4giveness . . .

as a human being
satan's got a hold on me

it seems i want 2 hurt
drawn 2 evil
it's the devil in the dirt
all over myself
clinging 2 my purity
and ripped away
subconsciously
i don't want chastity

as a human being
satan's got a hold on me

and i get angry
and i get angry
and i am born again
and then i don't know
if i am happy
'cause i still have demons . . .
born again demons
screaming inside of me
tearing me apart
born again demons
blackening my heart
born again demons . . .

as a human being
satan's got a hold on me

how can i
expect 2 go 2 hell
when i'm already there

as a human being
satan's got a hold on me . . .


("copywrite" 8:40 pm saturday february 3 1996)