Him Or Me

When I first met you
I never knew
How cold you could be
As cold as the snow
You made me so blue
When you couldn't make up your mind
Though still you hypnotized me so . . . so . . .
You came back to me
And everything was fine
As far as I could see
Till one day came the time
Again you left me!
You left me for him . . .
He who I know didn't care . . .
He who fathered your baby . . .
He who seems to like jail . . .
He who thought he was friends with me!
I thought you saw the light
When you let him go
And you came back to me that night--
But now I don't know (how do I know?)
How do I know you won't leave again?
I know we've made plans
I know we've been missed
I know we've held hands
And I know we've kissed
But I still need to know what you want
I still need to know if you still love him (and I'm telling you)
It's got to be him . . . or me
I know he's the father
I know choices are hard
But he hasn't bothered
To give you any support
So what do you want?
Do you still love him?
It's got to be him . . . or me
I know we've made plans
I know we've been missed
I know we hold hands
I know we kiss
But what do you want?
Do you still love him?
It's got to be him . . . or me
I know you're stressed out
I know the pressure's on
It's hard to talk about
But soon time will be gone
So what do you want?
Do you still love him?
It's got to be him . . . or me
I know we've made plans
I know we've been missed
I know we hold hands
I know we kiss
But what do you want?
Do you still love him?
It's got to be him . . . or me


("copywrite" 4:09 pm wednesday november 4 1992)

I Wish I Was A Cat

To not be capable of looking back
Boy I wish that I could have that
To never be able to look at the future
Just lie in the present on the furniture
To not know anyone but my masters
Who feed me whenever I am hungry
Life could not get any slower or faster
and I could just sleep whenever I'm sleepy
Oh, I wish . . . I wish I was a cat . . .
Oh, but I . . . I wouldn't want to be a dog . . .
If I was a cat then I could say "hey,
I've got my own mind, I'm not gonna obey . . ."
Dogs are just too stupid to do that
And that is why I wish that I was a cat
Just eat and sleep and purr is all that I would do
then the heat would tell me to screw any furry thing that moves
Oh, I never wanted to be a dog
'Cause then I'd always lick my balls
and it all comes down to one simple fact
I really really wish that I was a cat!
I wouldn't have to worry about the problems in the world . . .
My only concern would be to find a cat that was a girl . . .
Never ever have to worry about my doom,
Just lie on my back, on the floor
in the middle of the living room
telling you to give me more, pet me some more . . .
I could just sleep until I die,
I could just purr until I die,
I could just eat until I die,
and then I could do it another eight times!
If I was a cat then I could say "meow,"
And I would draw a big petting crowd
Dogs are just too stupid to do that
and that's why I wish that I was a cat
Just sleep and purr and eat is all that I would do
then the heat would tell me to screw any furry thing that moves
Oh, I never wanted to be a dog
'Cause then I'd always lick my balls
And it all comes down to one simple fact
I really really wish that I was a cat!
Oh, no human problems--
I wouldn't even know what world hunger is
and I'd never be hungry--
'Cause there would always be something in my dish
I'd always get attention--
Even if I just laid there like a log
And sure I'd probably lick my willy,
but not at all as often as a dumb dog!
Oh I never wanted to be a dog . . .
I wish I was a cat . . .
Oh, I wish I was a cat . . .


("copywrite" 1992)

The Nonconformist (Individuality)

Nonconformity (individuality)
Nonconformity (individuality)
I never said I wanted a change
I never said I wanted things to be the same
Well now it's time for a real big change
'Cause it isn't right to just let things be the same
I never said I wanted peace and
I never said I wanted war
Well now it's time for me to shout and scream--
What are we doing all this for?
Who cares about what I think
Who cares about what I want
I know some might
I know some do
But when it keeps me awake at night
I decide I'll think and do my own thing
whether or not they want me to . . .

I'm gonna be my own man
Do my own thing
I'm gonna do all I can
To show my individuality
Straight and tall I'm gonna stand
As a unique being
I'm gonna do all I can
To show my individuality
Gonna steer straight clear from what's the normalest
'Cause I'm the almighty nonconformist

Nonconformity (individuality)
Nonconformity (individuality)
I stay away from doing the typical
I don't believe in being stereotypical
I don't want to be followed
I don't believe in following
I wanna do things my own way
And use all my own ideas
You don't have to do anything that I say
Just give me a little freedom . . .
And don't insult me for being me
The nonconformist is not that easy to be
If people could just let me be who I am
If they could let me be me
Though I'm different they might realize
That different is a really good thing . . .

I'm gonna be my own man . . .

individuality . . . individuality . . .
It really really is a really good thing
individuality . . . individuality . . .
It really really is a really good thing
So I don't do things that everybody does
Does it really mean that I don't deserve any love?
I'm proud to be what nonconformity is
'Cause it really really is a really good thing
Oh, can't anyone accept me for who I am?
Does anyone see I'll never change?
Oh, can't anyone look further than my skin?
Does anyone see I'll never be the same?

'Cause I'm the almighty nonconformist . . .
I'm the almighty nonconformist . . .
I take pride in my individuality . . .
Nonconformity (individuality)

Please see that I'll never be the same
Please see that I'm never gonna change
Please accept me for being me

Maverick . . .


("copywrite" 9:02 pm tuesday january 19 1993)

The More I know (The More I Know I Don't Know)

The more I know . . .
The more I know . . .
Oh I don't know . . .
The more I work
The more I learn
The more I work
Oh what to learn
The more I look
Everywhere I look
Everything I see
What comes to me
The more I know
The more I learn
The more I hear
The more I tell
Everything I feel
Everything you sell
The more I buy
The more I learn
Oh, I wonder why . . .
The more I know . . .
The more I know . . .
Oh I don't know . . .
The more I know I don't know
The deep blue sea
The great big sky
So much to see
Before I die
So much to learn
Before it's too late
So much to know
No this can't wait
A speck of dust
In outer space
Humanity . . .
The phenomenal race . . .
The honey bee
The flower seeds
The big brown leaves
The grass is green
The sky is blue
The lights are white
The colors are black
Electricity . . .
Our planet's battery . . .
The more I learn
Of all these things
The more I know, oh
I wonder why . . .
I wanna know it all
But I know I can't do that
So I can't wait
Till my time comes
And it will be
Possible


("copywrite" 12:34 pm december 22 1992)

This Used To Be My Greyhound (parody of Madonna's This Used To Be My Playground from the motion picture soundtrack A Leage of Their Own not used by permission)

This used to be my greyhound
This greyhound lying in the street
This used to be the dog I played with
And now he's a dead, poor thing
Yes he's dead
He turned the pavement red . . .
Oh, why'd it happen today
Now he's dead
And I wish that I
I could just scrape him up
But I can't
'Cause he was so old
Broke all his bones
They're all stuck in the pavement
"Get your hands out of that"
Well that's too much to ask
This used to be my greyhound (ah used to be . . .)
This here puddle around my feet
This used to be one of my best friends
And now you want me to leave . . . my best friend
I don't think you will win
Now why would I want to leave
My best friend?
Yeah I wish that you . . . could understand
But then, you're stupid
Get out of this place
Spike he needs his space
Well thanks so much for leaving
I'll get on with my life today--
Those words I'll never say (I'll never say . . .)
You used to be my greyhound (ah used to be . . .)
You used to be my pride and joy
You used to be the dog I played with
Before you were ripped to shreds like a stuffed toy
You used to be my greyground (used to be . . .)
You used to be one of my best friends
You used to be the dog I mastered
But you had to get your head crushed in
You used to be my greyground (used to be . . .)
That had to kiss a semi's grill
You used to be the dog that licked me
The best thing that you did was lick me
And now you're a splat, I see . . .


("copywrite" 4:00 pm wednesday october 21 1992)

Wiping My Ass (For Half an Hour)

Oh, I am king
I read the horroscope
I will be
famous--when I'm dead
but I sure hope
I can be famous
When I'm alive
I wonder why
Oh why can't I
be famous now?
Then I stand up
And it's not all out
Everybody knows shit rolls downhill
It's the same when you're on the throne
But as I'm wiping my ass (for half an hour)
I realize that not all the shit goes
and there's a lot of time in life
to wipe the slate clean and go for the gusto
I can be king
Whenever I want to
But see the thing
is that's not what I wanna do
All my life . . .
Oh, as I am king
making major life decisions
I start to think
that everything's hopeless . . .
I'll never be famous . . .
I'll probably end up
feeding greaseburgers
to slimeball weirdos
and I should quit dreaming . . .
Then I stand up
And see that I'm not done
Everybody knows shit rolls downhill
It's the same when you're on the throne
But as I'm wiping my ass (for half an hour)
I realize that not all the shit goes
and there's a lot of time in life
to wipe the slate clean and go for the gusto
Oh my God . . .
I got some on my finger
and there's an itch on my nose
when my other hand is full
I just can't do it
I'm going crazy
Then I wipe it on the towel
that's on top of the toilet
and I scratch like hell
and it makes me wonder
will I always come this close
to getting shit into my face
I've gotta do something about it . . .
Everybody knows shit rolls downhill . . .
Oh, I've been king
But I stood up
and wiped the slate clean . . .


("copywrite" february 28 1993)

Ralph

One Christmas Eve
I'm trying to talk
I'm trying to eat
I try to walk
But Ralph is blocking the doorway
'Cause Grandma hurled
and I don't want to step on him
Ralph in a puddle on the floor today
'Cause Grandma hurled
and I don't want to step in him
Grandma coughs too much
Grandma had too much
Sugar milky coffee
so she introduced me to
Ralph--I don't want to know him
Ralph--I don't want to see him
Ralph--I don't want to smell it
Ralph--I don't want to feel it
Oh, please, take him away before I hurl!
One summer day
I see my niece who's
age is six days
I hold my niece who
just munched on lunch
I don't know
that she knew Ralph
I didn't know
that this was allowed
Little bitty baby started to hack
Ralph did some somersaults down my back
It didn't hurt
but it stained my shirt
I just want to kill
Ralph--I don't want to know him
Ralph--I don't want to see him
Ralph--I don't want to smell it
Ralph--I don't want to feel it
Oh, please, take him away before I hurl!
I really hate
waking up in the morning
when I want to eat
and end up verry sorry
Get out of bed,
and step in Ralph!
I cover my mouth
and run through the house
like I'm scared of a mouse--
wiping my foor on the carpet and couch
'Cause the stupid cat
just had to Ralph
I'm really sick of meeting
Ralph--I don't want to know him
Ralph--I don't want to see him
Ralph--I don't want to smell it
Ralph--I don't want to feel it
People at school today
they were so kind
to make me bored
out of my mind
I look to my right
a chick with buck teeth
and two dorks in a fight
I look to my left
he studies real hard
but Ralph just lept
now I've no frown
I'm not bored now!
Joe's homework is lumpy!
but Ralph is still ugly . . .
I don't want to know him . . .
I remember
I remember
making Ralph myself
I remember
That December
cookie crumbs--on my tongue
chocolate chips on my lips
what I eat between my teeth
what I already ate back at eight
surging up my throat
things I ate long ago
flow over my teeth
and then guess just who I meet!
my mouth turns into
a waterfall
I can't help but to
upchuck it all
I look at the ground
just guess what I found!
Ralph--I don't want to know him . . .
Ralph can be orange
Ralph can be white
Ralph in the morning
Ralph at night
Ralph can be gritty
Ralph can be smooth
Ralph can be itty-bitty
Ralph can be huge
Ralph in the john
Ralph on the ground
Ralph on a friend
Ralph all around
Ralph in America
Ralph in Rome
Ralph in Africa
Ralph at home
Ralph asparagus
Ralph some beets
Ralph your guts out
Ralph your teeth
Ralph one someone
That you hate
Ralph on your
Annoying date
Ralph when asleep
Ralph when awake
Ralph when you eat,
but stay away from me
I don't want
Ralph around
Ralph doesn't need
to be around
Please I don't want
Ralph around!
I don't want to know him . . .


("copywrite" 8:28 pm sunday may 24 1992)

Like A Pusmaker

Oh I hate you
Oh why can't you
Get out of my life
Oh I hate you
Oh why can't you
Quit trying to be my wife?
You are so repulsive
It's out of this world
So why can't you
Quit trying to be my girl?
'Cause I don't want you
I never did--and I never will
So why can't you
Quit following me
I don't need you--and you don't need me
How many times do I have to tell you?
You remind me of something--
from an infection
You remind me of (pus . . .)
I wish you'd recognize the fact
That like the pus from a zit on my back--
You repulse me
Yes, like a pusmaker
You repulse me
Like a pusmaker
You're disgusting
You're scummy and I don't want you around . . .
I don't like people
Who never take a bath
I don't like people
Who smell just like the bay
So why can't you just get out of my way?
Don't ever touch me again--
when you do that you make me cringe . . .
I just can't wait till you are gone--
you're just never gonna turn me on . . .
'Cause like the pus from a boil on my ass--
You repulse me . . .
Yes, like a pusmaker
You repulse me
Like a pusmaker
You're disgusting
You're scummy and I don't want you around . . .
Oh please get out of my way . . .
Oh please get out of my life
To me you're just a glob of pimple-juice
To me you're just a pus bag
'Cause like the pus from an ingrown toenail--
You repulse me . . .
You repulse me . . .
You repulse me . . .
Yes, like a pusmaker
You repulse me
Like a pusmaker
You're disgusting
You're scummy and I don't want you around
Yes, like a pusmaker
You're scummy and I don't want you around
PUS! PUS! PUS!
you PUS BAG!
I HATE YOU!
pus bag . . . pus bag . . . pus bag . . .
like the pus from a zit on my back
like the pus from a boil on my ass
like the pus from an ingrown toenail
like the pus from herpes . . .
You repulse me.


("copywrite" saturday february 6 1993)

(If You Can't Beat 'Em) Join 'Em

If I can't win . . .
Neither can you.
If I can't win . . .
You'll get the clue
If you can't win . . .
Then of course, I will.
If you can't win . . .
Then you might live still.
But if I do win . . .
you and yours
will lose lose lose
And if I don't win . . .
you and yours
still lose lose lose
('Cause you'll be dead)
Like I always said--
If you can't beat 'em:
Kill 'em . . .
Kill 'em . . .
Kill 'em . . .


("copywrite" april 5 1992)