We continue to warn readers that the following is only slightly based on reality.
The entertainment world is astir with Cedric news. As Melissa put it, "I knew this story had legs!"
Dozens of fans have written, some with Cedric questions, some with news. others with complete articles. Like media reports on any other idol, the reports at times can be contradictory. Since this is the Unofficial Fan Page and we do not have contact with the Great Asp himself, we feel it to be our duty to report the news as we receive them.
Following are some items received on the actor we regard as the next Leonardo DeCaprio.
ARTICLES SENT BY THE FANS
CEDRIC BREAKS HIS SILENCE
by Robyn, 9-13-98
Cedric’s agent has made this statement on behalf of his client:
"My client, Cedric the Snake, decided to leave the production of Antony and Cleopatra due strictly to differences in artistic opinion. He has asped – excuse me – asked me to reveal the reasons why. He demands that this idle speculation stop!
"Admittedly, things did not go well from the beginning. His request for
better housing was turned down almost immediately by the National Theatre
(NT). All Cedric requested was a larger holding box with nicer interior
design. The cage used was simply too boring. He thought a lovely William
Morris-designed wallpaper would add a little flair to his drab surroundings,
but the NT wouldn’t hear of it. Cedric is NOT an animal! He is an artiste
with delicate feelings, and his surroundings must reflect that. He felt it
best to walk away, so to speak, rather than compromise his artistic integrity.
"In addition, whenever Cedric spoke of improving the text, he was routinely ignored. He made many brilliant suggestions such as making his entrance in a golden chariot, winning a jousting competition, and dying in more – shall we say – existentialistic terms. My personal favorite was his choice to meet Death by slipping down Victoria Falls and finally disappearing slowly behind a rainbow.
"Cedric wants it known that he is not embarrassed to project a flair for the mystical. He can’t help it; he’s an artiste.
"Later, incredibly, his request for improved catering was turned down. His need for a secretary-cum-masseuse was also denied. Being a delicate spirit with educated good taste, it is incomprehensible that the NT would deny my client the basic necessities required for his creative peace of mind.
"I have been in touch with Cedric who is now in seclusion at his vacation home in the Mediterranean. In conjunction with his managers, we will consider whatever legal recourse is available. I want it clearly understood that Cedric is a professionally trained snake who wouldn’t dream of leaving a proper production. If only the NT were half as professional as Cedric, this ugly affair would never have happened. And we, I daresay, are the losers in this: We are now going to be denied the talents, the grace and intellectual ferocity of such a fine snake, one who could have given us some of Britain’s finest theatrical moments!
"Oh, the horror of it all!"
Update: Cedric‘s agent had to be sedated after the above outburst. Staff members at the psychiatric hospital describe his condition as “unstable”, whatever that means.
CEDRIC DENIES RUMORS
By Lin, Sept. 12, 1998
***From Coil & Hiss Media Services: "News and Entertainment for the
Discerning Reptile"***
During a Toronto Film Festival news conference, members of the media grilled Cedric the asp over allegations of a "personality conflict" with actress Helen Mirren. Earlier this month, amid rumors of "artistic differences," Cedric recoiled from the British stage production of Antony and Cleopatra, scheduled to open in October.
Set to the play the asp, a small but key role, in London's National Theatre production of the Bard's play, Cedric denied the reports. "The rumorsss that I walked out and threw a hissssy fit are greatly exaggerated," he said.
Asked whether he had given Ms. Mirren the "snake eye" when she refused to remove her hands from his "best sssside" during rehearsals of their scene together, Cedric slithered uncomfortably. Rumors that Mirren was attempting to "ssscene sssteal" surfaced when sources close to the production claimed that the diminutive thesp had complained that the actress was obscuring his pointy little face from the audience.
"I have the highest regard for Mssss. Mirren. She is the conssssumate artissst. But it is difficult to parlay the depth and feeling that the asp must convey to the audience when my head seems to be deliberately covered by Mssss. Mirren's handssss," he sniffed.
Cedric burst onto the Hollywood scene during the '80s when he co-starred with Harrison Ford in Raiders of the Lost Ark. He then stunned Broadway with his unforgettable portrayal of deposed Latin American dictator and bongo player, Boabanana Constrictor, in Andrew Lloyd Webber's Broadway musical, SNAKE!, a role that won him a coveted Tony award. He reprised his role in the 1996 film version, which also earned him an Academy Award nomination.
An unrelated report that two elderly women, who were on a senior citizen's tour of the National Theatre, received snake bites on their posteriors while using the restroom facilities was also hotly denied by Cedric. The alleged incident happened the day after Cedric left the production. Both women claim it was Cedric.
"Bloody cheek, 'im denying it. Little sod bit me bum. I saw 'is beady little eyes wiv me own eyes!" said Mrs. Sadie Rumproast, who added that until then she had been a Cedric fan having recently bought the video of SNAKE!
However, Cedric remains unrepentant. "I don't know how sssuch rumorssss sssstart. When Babe the pig refussssed to do television commercials for the hog industry's "EAT PORK" campaign on conflict-of-interest grounds, did he get roasssssted? Cedric hissed. "Was he accused of being boorish?"
Cedric is in Toronto (with his agent and handler, Adderly Reptiliansky) to attend the gala premiere of the film, Judas Kiss, an eagerly awaited project that stars Alan Rickman. Mr. Rickman and Cedric both campaigned for reptile rights during a "Reptiles Have Feelings Too: Love a Snake Today" Day held in Snaky Pit Falls, S.D. last year.
Babe the Pig, Hellen Mirren, Alan Rickman, and Cedric could not be reached for comment. Sources close to the Larry King Show report that Cedric might appear in the CNN King show regarding the senior citizen allegations.
This question is fraught with both speculation and expectation, as far as the fans go. Theories abound.
From The Mirren Fans,
Gloria: “I asked for the latest news on Cedric . . . The photos and rumours of his co-stars just confirms my
suspicions that Cedric is currently lounging around Helen's flat snacking on
*whatever* and watching ANIMAL KINGDOM on television”.
From The Rickman Fans,
Suzanne: “Perhaps Cedric left because he didn't like constantly being upstaged by Alan!”
Melissa: "I knew this story had legs!"
And a comment from a Glenda Jackson fan and constituent,
Martin: “Glenda rocks!”
This page created and maintained by Fausta, who can be reached at emma-mail@mailexcite.com
New! Read the chronicles of the (mostly fictional) investigation on where Cedric really went: THE "C" FILES The truth is out there . . . somewhere!
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