If you are living with your abuser or in an abusive relationship:

• Memorize important phone numbers or keep them available in a safe place:  Friends and relatives whom you can call in an emergency and a hotline number (see Emergency Services Referrals, and seek their assistance.)

• If your children are old enough, teach them important phone numbers, including when and how to call 911

• Keep any materials concerning domestic violence in a safe place where your abuser will not find them, but where you can get to them

• Keep change for a pay phone with your at all times or buy a phone card and save it for emergencies

• Open your own bank account and/or get a safe deposit box

• Stay in touch with friends.  Get to know your neighbors.  Join a support group.  Try not to let yourself be cut off from family, friends, or assistance.

• Leave a Set of Keys, extra money, a change of clothes and copies of important documents with a trusted friend or relative with 24 hour access

• Consider:  birth certificates, immigration papers, passports, greencards, driver’s license, insurance ID, social security cards, School ID, welfare papers, medical records, prescription medicine, legal papers, money & credit cards (if you are in hiding, use of credit cards may help him find you), appointment books, address books, car registration, membership cards, favorite things, pets.

• Consider:  Do not leave notes; feed the pets; hide weapons; DO NOT LEAVE DOODLES, NOTES, CALLING CARDS, SHELTER INFORMATION, BUS TICKETS OR AIRLINE INFORMATION BEHIND.

If you have left the relationship:

• Change the locks, especially if you’re still in your home and the abuser is the one who has left. Change your phone number and leave it unlisted. However, if you have children, the abuser will probably be entitled to visit them and call them.  This may pose problems.  Make sure you seek legal assistance to understand your rights and obligations.

• Install as many security measures as possible in your home.  For example, these may include metal doors and gates, a security alarm system, smoke detectors and outside lights.

• Inform neighbors that your former partner is not welcome at your home.  Ask them to call the police if they see that person near or on the property or watching your home.  If you have a restraining order, give a copy of your neighbors.

• Make sure the people who care for your children are very clear about who does and who does not have permission to pick up the children.  If you have a court order concerning child custody and visitation, give the childcare provider a copy. Make sure you seek legal advice concerning custody and visitation of your children. See  Emergency Services Referrals and Legal Referrals.

• Obtain a restraining order.  Keep it on your person at all times.  Keep another in a safe place.  Give copies to neighbors, childcare providers, and co-workers.

• Tell your co-workers about the situation, and ask them to warn you if they see your abuser at your workplace.

• Avoid stores, banks and businesses that you used when you were with your abuser.

• Get counseling.  Attend workshops.  Join a support group.  Get counseling for your children. Build a support network.

1. Call 911 if you are in danger.  If they are old enough, teach your children how and when to dial 911.

When the police arrive, show them any bruises, cuts, scrapes or any other visible injuries, even those under your clothes.  If you have visible injuries, the police should arrest the abuser whether or not you “press charges.”  Even if the police take pictures, you should take your own pictures and keep them in a safe place. If you are afraid to do any of this in front of your abuser, tell the officer and ask the officer to take him/her to another location.

2. Ask for an Emergency Protective Order (EPO)

If a violent incident or serious threat occurs before you can obtain a restraining order, you can call the police or other law enforcement officer and request an Emergency Protective Order (EPO). An EPO may include: orders restraining the abuser's personal conduct, keeping him away from you, your house, the children’s school, excluding him from the residence, temporary custody of the children, orders protecting children or other family or household members. The law enforcement officer may issue the restraining orders if he or she believes that you or your child are in immediate and present danger of domestic violence, child abuse or child abduction, based on your statements of recent abuse or threat of child abduction.  The officer may request permission to issue an EPO at the scene of the incident or at the station. There is a judicial officer on call by telephone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for the purpose of approving the officer’s request to issue an EPO whether or not the court is in session.

The EPO may be issued for up to five court days or seven calendar days.  The EPO is enforceable after it is served on the abuser. The issuing officer is required to serve abuser with a copy of the EPO if the abuser can reasonably be located.

3. Obtain a Restraining Order from Court

There are domestic violence restraining order clinics located in most courthouses in Los Angeles County.  (See Court Based Restraining Order Clinics.)  These Clinics assist victims of domestic violence fill out the paperwork to get restraining orders.

Restraining orders may include any of the following:

• Order the abuser not to physically or verbally abuse the victim, the children, other family or household members.
• Order the abuser to move immediately from the family home
• Order the abuser to stay away, usually 100 yards, from the home, school, work, childcare location, children’s school
• Order Child custody and visitation
• Order Child support
• Order Batterer to attend counseling program