Daria: I had to resign from Yearbook. It was a question of ethics.
Jake: Don't worry, she was on staff for a week, she can still put it on her college application.
Daria: No questions about ethics here.
Daria: Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough, it's almost like depth.
Brittany: Come on, let's play a word game!
Jodie: How about geography?
Kevin: Nah, you have to, like, know stuff for that. What about Monopoly?
Mack: Monopoly's not a word game.
Kevin: I know that. Can I be the racing car?
Helen: Of course, it isn't easy raising two teenagers all by yourself....with Jake.
Helen: Jake, tell Daria....
Jake: Oh my God, I forgot to fix that loose floorboard, way at the other end of the house.
Daria: That's the road to happiness and personal satisfaction. That's why they don't want you to take it.
Jane: Let me get this straight. You, Jake, Helen, and Princess Grace are going camping? Like, in the woods-camping?
Daria: I hope the raging envy you're feeling won't affect our friendship.
Jane: I do envy you.
Daria: Then I'm afraid the fever has reached your brain, and you'll have to be destroyed.
Jake: See that stream? That's our drinking water! See those berries? That's our breakfast!
Daria: See that skeleton? That's our future. (Pause) Made you look.
Jake: Look at that Daria, a fork in the road. If you go one way, you can't go the other!
Helen: Girls, have you seen your father's spirit animal? He was just telling it about his childhood when it jumped up and scampered off!
Daria: Dammit! It's my turn to say dammit!
Daria: It must be the berries.
Quinn: It couldn't have been the berries.
Daria: You're right. You ate the berries and you seem normal.
Quinn: No, not those berries! The glitter berries.
Daria: The glitter berries?
Quinn: You know. Those glitter berries! The ones that fill your mouth with beautiful sparkling glitter when you bite down on them! Those are the ones that make you act weird! I mean until you spread your shimmering wings and fly away!
Trent: So let's just walk in, and meet them head on. They're not going to intimidate us.
Jane: No way. Hey, I think I left my inflight magazine back there.
Trent: We better go get it.
Andrea: Aren't you a little worried that there might be a hell?
Quinn: I mean, I like being attractive and popular, it's, like, me okay? So if Dr. Shar makes everybody else attractive and popular, then I'll have to be even more attractive just to keep up, and then if they, like, go back to her to catch up to me, then I'll have to go back and pretty soon it'll be, like, one of those vicious things! Where will it end, Daria? Where will it end?
Dr. Shar: It puts a frown on my face and I don't like having a frown on my face.
Daria: Maybe you can inject collagen into your lips in the shape of a smile.
Daria: So, first she tells Quinn that she can fix her up for 6,000 dollars.
Jane: Miss Pert 'N' Pretty? What could she possibly need for 6 G's other than a new personality?
Daria: Wait, there's more. Then she announces for 20 grand she can fix me, which means she can make me look like Quinn.
Jane: What would you want to look like that loser for, she needs 6,000 dollars worth of plastic surgery.
Dr. Shar: Come on, it'll be fun.
Daria: I don't like fun.
Quinn: You could, like, see her brain. At least that's what Tiffany heard from Doug who heard it from Brenda, whose cousin works in the emergency room.
Daria: At another hospital. In Belgium.
Quinn: But I can't cancel all my other dates! I have to stick to my commitments. Besides, I wrote them down in pen.
Daria: But if I baby-sat for you, then technically I'd be doing you a favor. And that simply cannot be.
Daria: I don't like kids. I didn't even like kids when I was a kid.
Jane: I used to help with my sister Summer's kids. Till they got old enough to run away.
Jane: And the dish ran away with the spoon. But Hawaii was the only state that would recognize the marriage as legal.
Quinn: People are so weird!
Daria: Some are weird. Some are just astonishingly self-centered and deceitful.
Mr. DiMartino: Can anyone give me another example of a group using coercive techniques such as peer pressure, chanting, and social isolation to achieve control over it's members? Brittany?
Mr. DiMartino: Ah, Brittany. Sometimes, despite a total lack of insight, you stumble on an interesting answer.
Daria: Okay, you can drop the angel act.
Tricia: What do you mean?
Tad: Is it time to floss yet?
Tad: Raisins are nature's candy.
Daria: Then why do they have to cover them with chocolate to sell them at the movies?
Tricia: Sugar is bad.
Tad: Sugar rots your teeth.
Tricia: Sugar makes you hyper.
Tad: Hitler ate sugar.
Miss Barch: Excellent job, Daria. You get an A.
Kevin: All right!
Miss Barch: Not you, you man. You get a D.
Kevin: All right!
Quinn: How will I hold my head up in the fashion club?
Daria: A traction pulley?
Kevin: All right! Field trip! Where we going, man?
Daria: The field.
Kevin: Mack Daddy, did you hear what Mrs. B just called the mall?
Mack: She said organism, that's not the same as orgasm!
Daria: If you play that John Lennon song backwards, it says--imagine all the people, browsing in a mall. Isn't that weird?
Mr. O'Neill: Let's all work together to make Daria's dream a reality.
Daria: You mean the one where people walking down the street burst into flames?
Jane: Do you know CPR, or something?
Daria: No, but I once gave Quinn the heimlich maneuver.
Jane: Did it work?
Daria: She wasn't choking.
Jane: Usually when I have this dream, I'm wearing pink taffeta.
Jane: I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special.
Daria: Don't worry, I don't have low self-esteem. It's a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else.
Daria: Well, I guess I'd like my whole family to do something together. Something that'll really make them suffer.
Jake: How's the old self-esteem going, kiddo?
Daria: My self-esteem teacher says that being addressed all my life as child epithets like "kiddo" is probably the source of my problem.
Daria: He says I should think back to circumstances that brought me happiness as a child, and replicate them. But I suppose Quinn's here to stay.
Brittany: The Tell-Tale Heart? I love romance novels!
Daria: Yeah. Nothing says be mine like a pounding heart beneath a floor board.