For a in-depth discussion on Filipina Penpals (where most Asian mail brides come from), the Pen Pal Busines, Filipino culture, the real motivations for marriage to foreigners, religious influences, and more, please visit our Home Page at:
Those who will not reason, are bigots; those who cannot, are fools; and those who dare not, are slaves." - Lord George Byron
Filipina women are supposed to be chaste for marriage. Those who aren't are viewed as being easily fooled by men claiming to have money to support her, her children and her parents (prerequisites for marriage) or as bar-girls or boricats.
Many young Filipina women lack money for tuition or must find money to help during a family crisis. Having occasional sex with Filipino men who will pay her expenses is extremely common. As long as the girl is not a "bar-girl" or having sex with foreigners, she is not considered a "bad" girl. However, if she does this too often, she may become known as a "boricat". If your Pinay pen pal seems vague about her past Filipino "boy friends", such as when you ask her what attracted her to them or what went wrong, this may be why.
Philippine daughters are expected to help support their "true family" (their parents, siblings and children) often with little if any means to do so. A "husband" or "wife" is often viewed more as a "functional" object or enabler. Asawa (wives) expect a man to be a hard working provider. Many women everywhere seek men for "enabling", which isn't really love. But sexual intelligence is teaching us that women evolved to fall out of love in about 1 to 2 years of a relationship which had an evolutionary survival advantage in earlier times as it encouraged females to spread their genes among different men. So, "enabling" is thought to keep most marriages together in every culture.
Children are "expected" without question as part of their culture, just like their religion goes without question. Also, children are their form of retirement in a country with no social security or pension system. They expect their children, especially the daughters, to support them for life. If married, the husband assumes much of this responsibility as part of his ongoing "bride price" which is presumed in their culture.
The groom always pays for all wedding costs and the pinay will expect an elaborate celebration with a feast and killing of pigs. The few small Muslim regions have a different ceremony style than the Christians. The fiance visa is not viewed favorably by most Filipinas.
Many wish to work abroad as domestic helpers and whatever else they can find. Some will work as "hostess" girls at home or abroad where available. Wages in the Philippines tend to be quite low. By working abroad they can send more money back home, or so they hope. However, as a percentage of the population, few are suitable or have the money to pay agency fees to obtain overseas work.
Due to the low wages at home, Filipino men are often seen as being unable to support a wife and children. Marriage is generally viewed as a "business" relationship for procreation and family. This includes supporting parents and siblings in many cases. Marriage is not purely for lasting love and affection as ideally presumed in the west.
Domestic helpers at home are called "yayas" and are fairly common. They help cook, clean and raise the children. Often they are a relative whom did not find a husband able to support her and has never married. If the Asawa has to work, such as if she has job skills or education, she will expect her husband to provide a yaya.
While every couple is different, generally if a wife is working, her money goes to support her family which includes her children, parents and siblings. The husband is expected to be able to provide for the children and his wife as a minimum but this does not always happen or stay that way. Marital tensions everywhere often involve money.
Finding a "husband" as "employer" often is the "job of last resort". But it is a form of domestic help either way. Sexually based love often has little if anything to do with mate selection for marriage in the Philippines.
The bar girls and true prostitutes may be like this, and so are the wild stories of the days when the Subic Naval station was open. But sex and sin are almost the same word in main-stream Philippine culture. Most who are open about sexual matters have a higher education and/or fall in love with a man on her "love map" which is usually a Filipino. Bar-girls must be sexually progressive. Sex for fun is understood as a need for men, and the sex trade a way for men to obtain it, although it is illegal and potentially dangerous. While some pinay do marry for true sexual love and affections, like most women everywhere, it tends to fade away after a few years of marriage. Sexual hormone levels (such as oxytocin) in women drop after a year of marriage or when they give birth. Also many couples state that children, disappointment, stress, finances, body image and domestic boredom are reasons their love fails.
Yes. An excellent movie showing the vastly different cultural motivations for Fil-West marriages is the English - Tagalog movie Closer To Home. This movie is worth the rental at Netflix or purchase. It's better than any travel tape of the Philippines we've identified.
There are many more men then eligible women at most Filipina and Asian dating sites. If a pinay receives over 500 new men contacting her every month at a dating site, it's hard for her to reply to everyone much less read a man's profile and start initiating letters. Those that do reply or initiate contact may be scammers who will want to get you into a chat room to ask for money. Computer rental fees are moderately high for the average pinay who is most likely to publish.
Many (maraming). Poverty is seen to justify this and the girls see foreigners as rich and more than able to help them. The most common money requests are the same ones the girls have that lead many Filipina girls to have discrete casual sex with Filipino men who will pay them. While most scams are fairly harmless requests for money for various needs, such as college tuition or a family emergency, some schemes are very costly and dangerous. Some pinay will marry a foreigner with the expectation of bringing over her true pinoy lover later on. Some will drop a baby for the alimony and child support and go back home to live like a princess. Search I-130 for how a Filipina bride can divorce you and get her true Filipino lover over here. For more on pen pal scams and chat room problems please visit Philippine Introductions Article.
Free and paid sites are supported by the male customers. So, you think they might do more to help the men. But when there are more men than women members it's like asking a night club to do a better job of selecting ladies. You pay for ladies night, and you get to see if you were the guy most rejected at the end of the evening. Chances are if you're reading this you don't go to night clubs with a limo, a $20,000 watch or look like the latest movie star.
With so many men writing to Philippine women they can be very choosy as to income, where you live, your religion and attitudes towards extended family and having children. However, many men do offer to send money to help the ladies costs. This precludes the need for the babae to ask. If you've got everything else they are looking for, don't overlook this basic motivation behind most Pinay joining penpal sites. REMEMBER, AVOID THE CHAT ROOMS. While ladies at chat rooms may reply promptly, they are usually scammers.
Filipinas who look good, are virgins, sweet and loving, have a college education, or come from the middle or upper economic castes will be in high demand and have many eligible suitors right at home. They rarely need to publish as pen pals which is a social disgrace in the eyes of many from her culture.
Resurrection From The "Dark Ages"
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - George Bernard Shaw
The Philippines is a primarily Catholic country in which you ethically step back in time to the "dark ages". Men volunteer to be crucified (usually not to their death) in almost every Philippine town during Easter. Water buffalo are made to kneal before the church. People often flog themselves bloody. The need for consolation and forgiveness of sins is extreme. Their "merciful" God, commands supplication! How much sensual love and affection can exist in culture where sex is a "necessary evil" for making babies (their social security) which then inculcates cleansing as "original sin"? The notion that sex is natural and necessary for evolution is incomprehensible to all but an educated few. Predictably, they have an overpopulation crisis (birth-control is viewed with contempt) and environmental crisis (what environment?) and economic hardship (it's God's test). Of course, desperation is the breeding grounds for religious fanaticism everywhere.
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein