<Story is taken from Disneyland
attraction and Disneyland LP record. Story
is also based on Small Soldiers
movie.>
INTRODUCTION
Have you ever seen a haunted
mansion? You know the kind I mean...That old
dark house that's usually
at the end of a dimly lit street. The owners
haven't been seen for years,
no one really knows why? The windows are
broken and boarded and the
shutters hang loosely on their hinges. The trees
are grown wild their branches
brush against the sides of the weathering
house making strange noises
in the night. There's a high vine covered fence
around the property.
Is it there to keep somebody out or is it there to
keep something inside?
It's a house that people avoid walking past at
night...Strange sounds come
from within its walls and it's been said that
errie lights can be seen
both in the attic windows and in the cemetary to
the side of the house.
Our story revolves around this mysterious mansion.
Nights not long ago 6 soldiers
are returning home from a matinee movie/pizza
party. The night was
cool as lightning broke through the skies. Thunder
rolled across the heavens
and changed this plesant evening into a night to
be remembered. The
lightning struck again and illuminated the front of the
old mansion, it began to
rain. Chip Hazard, Butch Meathook, Link Static,
Kip Killigan, Nick Nitro
and Brick Bazooka ran towards the old house through
the old iron gate and onto
the porch for protection. Protection? If only
they had known...
NICK NITRO
Oh man look at that rain
come down.
BRICK BAZOOKA
We'll never get home on
time.
CHIP HAZARD
Sure we will. It's
not quite midnight. But this porch isn't gonna keep us
dry though.
(He begins pulling on front doorknob)
BUTCH MEATHOOK
Commander what are you doing?
CHIP HAZARD
Trying to get front door
open. No one lives here, we can wait inside till
the storm's over.
LINK STATIC
Uh not me. I'm not
going inside that old house.
KIP KILLIGAN
Me too, I'd rather stay
out here and get wet.
(Finally the leader of the Commando Elite gets the front door open)
CHIP HAZARD
There! Come on troops
don't be afraid. I'll light a match.
(Taking a book of matches
from his uniform pocket he strikes one and holding
it high peers into the gloom.
The soldiers found themselves inside a large
room filled with furniture
called the FRONT PARLOR. Windows gave views of
the outside the curtains
hanging down like limp flags in a still breeze. A
fireplace glows with hot
coals though no heat is given off, a chandilear
hangs from the ceiling its
candles flickering giving off the only light in
the dark. At the far
end of the parlor stand two wooden doors set apart at
either side of the room,
both closed.)
CHIP HAZARD (Looking around in awe)
Well I'll be...This house
is still full of furniture.
LINK STATIC
Yeah it's as though someone
still lived here.
BRICK BAZOOKA
There's a candelabra light
some candles.
(But before anyone can move a ghostly voice echos out of nowhere)
GHOST HOST
GOOD EVENING...
KIP KILLIGAN
W-who said that?
BUTCH MEATHOOK
I think it came from that
statue.
NICK NITRO
Guys let's get out of here!
(But before the commandos can escape the door CLOSES!)
CHIP HAZARD
The door closed! (Runs to
door and tries opening it again) I can't get it
open again!
(Meanwhile the unseen voice continues talking.)
GHOST HOST
WELCOME FOOLISH MORTALS...TO
THE HAUNTED MANSION...I AM YOUR HOST...YOUR
GHOST HOST...KINDLY STEP
THIS WAY...THERE'S NO TURNING BACK NOW...YOU WILL
NOT BE HARMED BUT YOU WILL
NOT BE RELEASED...UNTIL YOU TAKE A TOUR OF MY
HOME...WE HAVE SO FEW VISITORS...LIVE
ONES THAT IS...HMHMHMAHAHAHA!...OUR
TOUR BEGINS HERE...IN THIS
GHOSTLY ART GALLERY...
(Just then one of the two
doors swings open as if by unseen hands revealing
a room within. Chip,
Nick, Butch, Kip, Link and Brick too frightened to
find another way out obeyed
their host's voice and entered the candle-lit
gallery. The art gallery
was a large room its walls were covered with
paintings. As the
commandos stepped into the room the door behind them slid
closed.)
NICK NITRO
Commander we shouldn't come
in here, I'm scared.
CHIP HAZARD
I don't see a way out.
There's no doors, not even a window.
GHOST HOST
HERE IN THE GALLERY...YOU
SEE THERE PAINTINGS OF SOME OF OUR RESIDENTS...AS
THEY APPEARED IN THEIR CORUPTABLE
MORTAL STATE...EVEN IN THIS FLICKERING
GLOOM YOUR PALLOR BETRAYS
AN AURA OF FORBODING...ALMOST AS THOUGH YOU SENSE
A DISQUIETING METAMORPHYSIS...YOUR
TRUSTING MORTAL EYES TELL YOU THAT THESE
WALLS ARE STRECHING...BUT
LOGIC SAYS NO IT'S MERE HALUCINATION...THEN LOOK
ABOVE YOU EXAMINE EVERYTHING
CAREFULLY...YOUR LOGIC CANNOT DENY THAT THIS
CHAMBER HAS NO WINDOWS AND
NO DOORS...WHICH OFFERS A RATHER LOGICAL
CHALLENGE...TO FIND A WAY
OUT...HMHMHMAHAHAHA!...THERE'S ALWAYS MY WAY...
(Lightning flashed from above
the room illuminating the attic areas. There
seemed to be no roof.
A loud scream cuts through the silence causing the
troopers to jump in a panic.
From the rafters a corpse swayed dangling by a
taut rope. The candles
Chip held went out mysteriously, Butch clutched his
hand during what seemed
to be an endless darkness as did Brick, Kip, Nick
and Link. In a few
seconds the candles relit. A secret panel slid open
exposing a dimly lit hallway.
On the left side were windows revealing a
grotesque landscape frequently
illuminated by the lightning flashes. On the
right side of the corridor
were large portraits. When the lightning
flashed, these paintings
turned into decaying corpses)
LINK STATIC
We should never have come
in here.
NICK NITRO
Yeah, now how are we going
to get out of here man?
BUTCH MEATHOOK
There has to be another
exit somewhere in this spooky manor.
BRICK BAZOOKA
What do you suggest Hazard?
Any ideas?
CHIP HAZARD
Right now the only answer
I can come up with is for us to continue this tour
and hopefully our host can
escort us to another exit.
KIP KILLIGAN
Then what are we waiting
for? Let's get started Commandos!
GHOST HOST (Interrupting soldiers)
DID SOMEONE SCREAM?...(Referring
to any soldiers who might have screamed at
looking at the morphing
pictures) OH I DIDN'T MEAN TO FRIGHTEN YOU
PREMATURELY HMHMHMHM...THE
REAL CHILLS COME LATER...NOW AS THEY SAY LOOK
ALIVE...AND WE'LL CONTINUE
OUR LITTLE TOUR...AND LET'S ALL STAY TOGETHER
PLEASE...
(As the Commandos begin walking
down the hallway their host continues to
guide them thru his house)
GHOST HOST
THERE ARE SEVERAL PROMINENT
GHOSTS WHO HAVE RETIRED HERE...FROM CREEPY OLD
CRYPTS ALL OVER THE WORLD...ACTUALLY
WE HAVE 999 HAPPY HAUNTS HERE...BUT
THERE'S ROOM FOR 1000...ANY
VOLUNTEERS? HAHAHAHAHA!...IF YOU INSIST ON
LAGGING BEHIND YOU MAY NOT
NEED TO VOLUNTEER...COME ALONG NOW...
(The Commando Elite walked
down the long tapering corridor. There seemed to
be a light at the far end,
pitch blackness behind them. The hallway made a
sharp turn into an errie
lit limbo abound with mist and decay. The
furniture and walls were
covered with spiderwebs. A staircase seemed to be
the only passageway out.
Suddenly strange looking carriages appear like
magic before the shocked
soldiers as their unseen host explains the
transport system.)
GHOST HOST
AND NOW A CARRIAGE APPROACHES
TO TAKE YOU INTO THE BOUNDLESS REALM OF THE
SUPERNATURAL...KINDLY WATCH
YOUR STEP AS YOU BOARD...AND NO FLASH PICTURES
PLEASE...WE SPIRITS ARE
SENSATIVE TO BRIGHT LIGHTS...
(One by one the Commandos
climb into the Doom Buggies. Chip & Butch in
Buggy 1, Nick & Link
in Buggy 2 and Brick & Kip in Buggy 3. Once the safety
bars lowered into place
the buggies start up climb the stairs. Upon
reaching the 2nd Floor they
are greeted by an apalling cold. This as you
know is the traditional
manifistation of the supernatural.)
GHOST HOST
I HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE AN
ADVERSION TO DARKNESS AND COLD...BUT YOU SEE WE
SPIRITS ARE SENSATIVE TO
LIGHT...AND EVERY CONSIDERATION HAS BEEN GIVEN TO
OUR COMFORT...HERE IN THIS
DELIGHTFULLY DREARLLY PLACE...
NICK NITRO
Where do we go from here?
KIP KILLIGAN
How do we get out of this
horrible place?
CHIP HAZARD
This seems to be the main
corridor.
BUTCH MEATHOOK
Then let's hope it leads
to a back staircase and a way out.
(Suddenly loud noises come
from a side hallway.)
LINK STATIC
Look out!
BRICK BAZOOKA
Oh man what is that?!
NICK NITRO
It's a ghost!
KIP KILLIGAN
Oh no! Here it comes!
BUTCH MEATHOOK
What do we do man?!
CHIP HAZARD
Quick, in this doorway troopers!
(One by one the soldiers
race into an open door just in time. Through the
dimly lit mist of the upstairs
corridor a haunted suit of armor ran
screaming/laughing past
the Commando Elite. Footsteps, screams and the
sound of rattling chains
chased the figure down the hallway and faded away
into the darkness.)
GHOST HOST
IT'S NICE TO SEE FOLKS ENJOYING
THEMSELVES...IN MY HOME EVERY ROOM HAS WALL
TO WALL CREEPS...AND HOT
AND COLD RUNNING CHILLS...HMHMHMHMHMHM...
(The troopers turned their
backs on the corridor and looked into the room
towards the sound of their
host's voice. The candles Chip held again
mysteriously dimmed and
went out. They stood frozen with horror! They were
in the old conservatory
a room cluttered with decaying flowers and plants.
Broken windows in the room
allowed them to see the outside and there below
was the private graveyard.
Even though the rain was falling hard an
un-natural fog choked the
gravestones. The rain was coming in through the
broken windows the air was
dank and had a musty smell. A black crow flew in
and perched on top of a
large box situated in the middle of the room.)
BRICK BAZOOKA
What's that noise? (He hears
sounds coming from the dark)
KIP KILLIGAN
Yo boss! Where's the
light?
CHIP HAZARD
I'll light the candles.
(Relights candlestick) There.
BUTCH MEATHOOK
Oh (Swears) It's a
coffin!
NICK NITRO
Something's trying to get
out!
LINK STATIC
I hope it's not Dracula
awakening from his slumber and drink our blood!
CROW
You disturbed a guest, CAW-CAW!
You'll be sorry for that, CAW-CAW!
(Chip, Link, Butch, Brick,
Kip and Nick ran out of the room back into the
dark hallway. They
passed several closed doors as they continued towards
the far end. From
each door they passed, natural and un-natural sounds came
from within. Each
sounded as though it were trying to get out into the hall!)
GHOST HOST
WHATEVER YOU DO...DON'T
BETRAY YOUR PRESENCE BY SCREAMING...FOLLOW MY
VOICE...COME...I SEE YOU
HAVE ACTIVE IMAGINATIONS...THAT'S GOOD...
(They went into another room
dimly lit by flickering candles. And there an
unusual seance was in session.)
GHOST HOST
WE ARE ABOUT TO PARTICIPATE
IN A SEANCE...MADAME LEOTA IS ATTEMPTING ALL
CONTACTS...SHE IS JUST DYING
TO MEET YOU...HMHMHMAHAHAHAHAHA!...
(Madame Leota the medium
is a disembodied spirit, a mere talking head inside
a misty crystal ball.
As she envoked the spirits objects floated around the
room in response to her
commands.)
MADAME LEOTA
Serpants and spiders, tail
of a rat. Call in the spirits wherever they're
at! Rap on a table,
it's time to respond. Send us a message from somewhere
beyond! Goblins and
ghoulies from last Halloween, awaken the spirits with
your tamborine! Creepies
and crawlies, toads in a pond. Let there be music
from regions beyond!
Wizards and witches, wherever you dwell. Give us a
hint by ringing a bell!
BRICK BAZOOKA
Chip, something's moving
there in the corner.
KIP KILLIGAN
Is that a ghost or just
some special effects?
CHIP HAZARD
It looks like smoke.
Here's another one!
BUTCH MEATHOOK
I got a bad feeling about
this man.
LINK STATIC
Me too brother...I hate
seances.
NICK NITRO
Let's just get out of here
soldiers!
GHOST HOST
COME NOW...WE MUST LEAVE
THIS UNHOLY CIRCLE...FOR THE SPIRITS HAVE RECEIVED
YOUR SYMPATHETIC VIBRATIONS...AND
ARE BEGINNING TO MATERALIZE...
(The Ghost Host led the Commando
Elite through another doorway and onto a
balcony overlooking a grand
ballroom. A party was taking place, one of the
strangest parties you've
ever seen. There was a long dining table covered
with decayed food and withered
flowers. Spiderwebs hung everywhere. It
seemed to be a birthday
party and when a birthday ghost blew out the candles
on a cake, several other
ghosts dissapeared. They reappeared when the ghost
inhaled again. Several
ghosts were playing on the chandilear over the
massive dining table.
Others were waltzing while an organist played a
haunting refrain.)
BRICK BAZOOKA
This is crazy! I don't
believe what I see.
NICK NITRO
Why did we ever come in
this house?
LINK STATIC
I've never seen ghosts partying
before.
KIP KILLIGAN
Ghosts celebrating a birthday
party? No way man!
BUTCH MEATHOOK
Or ghosts dancing?
Now I've seen everything.
CHIP HAZARD
Here's a door at the end
of the balcony. Come on!
(The Commando Elite entered
the door and found themselves inside the
unfinished attic.
A room filled with trunks, boxes, crates, furniture,
clothing, toys, dust, etc.
From every hiding place boogymen phantoms leap
out calling out "I DO!".
Nearby stands a broken-down piano, a candelabra
with flickering candles
illuminates a shadowy figure playing a somber
version of the Wedding March.
Vampire bats fly around the ceiling and
against the far wall holding
a candle is a ghost dressed as a bride. She is
strangly illuminated and
her heart glows red with each heartbeat through her
wedding dress. As
the soldiers turn to run out of the attic another ghostly
manifistation appeared and
blocked their way...He was a cloaked figure with
an evil grinning face.
A hatbox hung from his hands, with each beat of his
bride's heart his head dissapeared
from his body and appeared in the hatbox.)
NICK NITRO
We're trapped!
LINK STATIC
There's no way out!
KIP KILLIGAN
Now what are we going to
do?
BRICK BAZOOKA
There must be another exit
out of this manor bro.
CHIP HAZARD
Hold the candles, I'll try
to open this window.
(He climbs out of his carriage and tries to pry up the stuck window.)
BUTCH MEATHOOK
Yo man, need a hand?
Let me help!
(Both marines begin wrestling
up the stuck sill until finally it slides
upwards. Looking outside
Butch shouts.)
BUTCH MEATHOOK
Come on gang we're in luck!
There's a balcony out here.
(The commandos step through the window onto the ledge outside.)
CHIP HAZARD
Watch your step. The
rain made everything slippery.
NICK NITRO
The candles went out again.
BUTCH MEATHOOK
Oh just leave them we're
outside now. Everything's going to be okay.
CHIP HAZARD
Here's some steps down at
the far end!
(The commander sees a fire-escape going down.)
LINK STATIC
But they lead to the graveyard.
BRICK BAZOOKA
Do we have to go in there
man?
KIP KILLIGAN
I got a bad feeling about
this.
NICK NITRO
Yeah! I don't want
to go in there again. (Jerks thumb over shoulder towards
open window behind him)
I guess this is the only exit.
CHIP HAZARD
Come on soldiers!
It's the only way home, FOLLOW ME!
(The Commando Elite descend
the steps to the ground level and began their
walk through the private
burial grounds trying to find their way out of this
living nightmare.
They passed an old caretaker holding a lantren too
frightened to speak, his
dog was whimpering at his feet. Suddenly there was
music all around them and
the sky was filled with flying spirits. They
passed a group of musicians
who paid no attention to their presence...There
was a king and a queen balancing
a tetter-totter on a gravestone and a
princess swinging in a swing
pushed by the prince. The commandos saw a
hearse stuck in the mud,
the driver and passengers having a ghost-tea party.
The coffin had slipped out
and its contents a shrouded corpse also was
sipping a cup of tea.
Behind the hearse on a hill a group of ghosts were
enjoying a bicycle ride
through the trees, stone busts singing Grim Grinning
Ghosts in a barbershop quartet,
some opera-theater ghosts singing along to
the melody and a masked
executioner singing a duet with a decapitated knight
who held his singing head
in his extended hand.)
CHIP HAZARD (Sees crow following them)
There's that crow again.
CROW
Caw-Caw! Beware my
friends! Caw-Caw! They may try to follow you home,
Caw-Caw-Caw!
(The bird then flies off
leaving the soldiers standing in shock, eyes wide
and mouths agape.)
BUTCH MEATHOOK
Sarge? Are you sure
we're going the right way?
CHIP HAZARD
I think so. There's
only one path. Looks like there's something up ahead.
(He points to a structure directly in front of them.)
LINK STATIC
That's the crypt! (He recognizes
it) That's the one by the fence it's the
way out!
BRICK BAZOOKA
YES! YES! At
last we found the exit bros!
NICK NITRO
Horray! Finally we
can escape this spooky manor at last!
KIP KILLIGAN
At last our adventure is
over. I'm never coming here again at night.
CHIP HAZARD
Come on troopers!
Stay close and don't look back!
(One by one Chip, Butch,
Link, Brick, Kip and Nick ran towards the crypt
dissapearing inside the
vault below. Behind them the Ghost Host says
goodbye to his guests.)
GHOST HOST
DID YOU ENJOY YOUR VISIT?...I
TOLD YOU YOU WOULD NOT BE HARMED...THANK YOU
FOR SPENDING SOME TIME WITH
US...COME AGAIN...BRING YOUR FRIENDS...IF THEY
BELIEVE THE STORY YOU TELL...I
HAVE TO GO NOW...IT IS MIDNIGHT...PLESANT
DREAMS...HMHM...HMHMHMHM...HMHMHMAHAHAHAHAHAHA!...
(Emerging from the crypt
the Commando Elite pause to look back one last time
at the mansion then turn
and RUN! And they don't stop running until the
house is out of sight and
they keep on running until they make it back to
HOME SWEET HOME!)
THE END