Dewey: All right. Let's try this again. Were you the shooter?
*BAM*
Huey: Were you an [?] on the street when the cop was shot?
*BAM*
Dewey: How long do you cook a 14 pound turkey?
Dead Guy Running
badge.wav
123 K
Ray: Oh, come on, Fraser, we don't really have to sleep on the floor, do we?
Fraser: Yes.
Ray: Look, I do this, I want a badge. A... tuck-in-on-the-floor, I-hurt-my-back badge.
Fraser: I'll get you one.
Ray: Okay.
I Coulda Been a Defendant
Huey: It's not blue, it's black. And beautiful. Just like me.
Odds
deadson.wav
211 K
Fraser Sr.: Hello, Son.
Fraser: Hello Dad, how are you?
Fraser Sr.: I'm dead, Son. Other than that do you mean?
Fraser: No, that's what I was asking.
Fraser Sr.: Well that's good. Never be ashamed to ask a stupid question, Son.
Gift of the Wheelman
dropya.wav
132 K
Ray: Dammit Fraser, if you were gonna drop a guy, you gotta say something first, like, 'Ray, I'm gonna drop ya.'
Odds
dying.wav
115 K
Ray: Oh yeah. Like gettin' killed. Look - I may be damaged Fraser, but I'm not stupid. There's more to life than dying.
Mountie on the Bounty
farting.wav
174 K
Fraser: Well, I'm not sure. Although he did eat some lard at the Consulate kitchen, usually though, that just leads to flatulence.
Ray: Flatulence?
Fraser: Farting, Ray.
Mojo Rising
forfree.wav
123 K
Ray: You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be...
Fraser: Appointed to you.
Ray: Appointed to you... for free!
I Coulda Been a Defendant
getityourself.wav
76 K
Fraser: Hungry?
*Dief barks*
Fraser: ...Get it yourself.
Mojo Rising
hellinahandcart.wav
83 K
[upon telling a lie] Fraser: Well, not yet, but it might well be the start of a slippery slope.
Ray: Oh yes, I believe you're goin' to hell in a handcart.
Fraser: It's not something to laugh about. I might well be.
Spy vs. Spy
help.wav
12 K
Ray: You need professional help.
Bounty Hunter
hunker.wav
76 K
Fraser: How many assailants were there?
Ray: Hard to tell. I mean, there were shooters everywhere. You know what that's like - you hunker.
I Coulda Been a Defendant
iamaman.wav
58 K
Dewey: I am not a police officer!! I... am a man!!!
Bounty Hunter
imapoet.wav
72 K
Ray: That's me, that's my thing. On the inside, I'm a poet. Outside - shake bad guy, shake.
I Coulda Been a Defendant
kickeminthehead.wav
89 K
Cop Guy: Very good! All right, now what do we do after we've controlled a suspect?
Ray: Uh... Kick 'em in the head?
I Coulda Been a Defendant
kidsapsycho.wav
13 K
Ray: Uh... Kid's a psycho.
Dead Guy Running
kkkkatie.wav
308 K
Lady Prisoner: Can you really sing??
Fraser: Well I can, yes.
Lady Prisoner: Ohh.. Please?
Fraser: Oh, all right. [Fraser sings a short song]
Prison Guard: That's enough. Get back to the range.
Lady Prisoner: Uh... my name's not Katie!!
The Ladies Man
knees.wav
24 K
Ray: On your knees! On your knees!
I Coulda Been a Defendant
laughing.wav
33 K
Ray: I'm laughing. On the inside.
Easy Money
malfesiant.wav
61 K
Ray: What kinda person would poison a dog?
Fraser: A malfesiant.
Ray: Malfesiant?
Fraser: A bad person.
Spy vs. Spy
messwithhishead.wav
43 K
Ray: Let's get him in here and mess with his head.
Stanley Smith: You guys are so cool, man.
Dead Guy Running
onfire.wav
146 K
Ray: You alright?
Fraser: Yeah!
Ray: Sure you're okay?
Fraser: Yeah, I'm fine.
Ray: The reason I ask is you're on fire.
Fraser: ...Oh.
Mojo Rising
personal.wav
406 K
Welsh: I... can't let you do that.
Fed: You can't.
Welsh: Mmhm. It's personal.
Fed: Personal.
Welsh: Personal.
Ray: Very personal. For all three of us.
Welsh: Yeah. I have to think of the reputation of this station.
Fraser: And I have to locate the whereabouts of my lifelong companion.
(long pause)
Ray: I gotta find my car. (pause) It's a classic.
Mojo Rising
rubberfurniture.wav
90 K
Frannie: We have to *do* something!
Ray: Yeah, like lock you up in one of them rooms with the rubber furniture...
Mojo Rising
smell_funny.wav
50 K
Ray: I don't like old people sleeping in my bed. They smell funny, Fraser.
Fraser: Perhaps you smell funny.
Spy vs. Spy
squealing.wav
109 K
Welsh: What the hell was that?
Fraser: The... sound of a grown man squealing in a manner not becoming a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
Mountie Sings The Blues
turtle.wav
142 K
Ray: Fraser, the wolf can't stay here!
Fraser: Why not?
Ray: Because of the, um.... turtle!
Fraser: Diefenbaker has no interest in the turtle.
Ray: The turtle and the wolf are natural enemies, Fraser. They're grrr, you know, and the fighting, they...
*Dief growls*
Fraser: Stay.
Spy vs. Spy
unfocused_divided_attention.wav
60 K
Dewey: Well we had plenty of cases on our desk already which deserve our... unfocused... divided attention.
Bounty Hunter
vaselina.wav
64 K
Frannie: ...signed Olga and Vaselina.
Ray: Vaselina? Supermodels? They got a return address?
Mountie Sings the Blues
walloffire.wav
44 K
Ray: Yeah, you know, you blink, you miss a big wall of fire.
Mojo Rising
whack1.wav
83 K
Ray: Yeah, and then we ask 'em questions, like, uh... if somebody got whacked, we go...'you whack that guy?'
Bounty Hunter
wildcard.wav
36 K
Ray: I play by my own rules. Kind of a wildcard, kinda kooky.
Dead Guy Running
Return to the Fan Fiction Archive