My
mother divorced my father when I was very young. She took me and my two
sisters away from what we thought was a happy home,( so what do kids know
anyway) and a loving father to be with what turned out to be the most awful
man I have ever met or ever hope to meet. I guess she was "in love" with
the bald headed s.o.b. No offense meant to you baldies. Guess you can tell
there isn't any love between us. Us girls never knew what hit us, she never
discussed this man with us, much less tell us she was leaving our father
for him, she just up and packed our stuff one day while dad was at work
and the next we knew we were in a car with this stranger headed to we didn't
know where. Not far down the road we were cutting up in the back seat and
with a very loud voice he told us to shut up. Our first experience of what
we were in for. We were not used to being yelled at for having fun. I think
mother's first idea of what had she gotten herself into. Within the first
year we had a new sister. Now my mother was really stuck. With four small
children what could she do, there weren't the social programs that there
are now. My step-father didn't believe in whippings, he beat you. Our life
was a living hell and so was our mother's. The only fun we had was when
he was gone, being in the Navy he was sent off sometimes. Our mother even
became the happy person she used to be until he returned. As the years
rolled on I got another sister and a brother. Now my mother was stuck for
sure and so were we. We all just waited for the day that we could leave
home. I didn't even wait to graduate, I left at 16 to live with my dad's
sister. Our step-father made our lives miserable and his own children caught
hell just as we did. To this day my brother will not even speak to him.
He has tried to make peace with him before he did what he did to our mother
to no avail. There is nothing you can do for such an evil man, but wait
for God to take care of him. I
began to hate my mother for what she had done to us. I had never forgiven
her until years later, but worse I think she never forgave herself. A few
years back we did have a long talk and aired things out, because you see
I didn't have much to do with her after I left home. She did tell me she
still loved my father and if she could have turned back the clock she would
have. I could tell how sad she was and she asked me to forgive her. By
the time we all left home, she had gotten used to her life and no place
to go anyway, although we tried to get her to divorce him many times. Now
if she could speak I bet she would have listened to us after what he finally
did to her.
I
won't blame myself because I had warned her to watch out for him because
he was up to something and to not sign anything if he wanted her to sign
something because he kept telling me she was really getting bad about forgetting
things. I asked her to leave him and move in with me, she said she wouldn't
give him the satisfaction. About six years ago, one of my sisters finally
convinced her to leave, and she was taking mother to get some of her things.
When she got there her and our step-father got into a big argument and
he acted like he was going to hit her, so my sister pulled a gun on him.
No, she doesn't always tote a gun, she just knew how he was. This got her
five years probation and mother stuck back with him. Now she wishes she
had pulled the trigger and pled temporary insanity. She would only have
gotten 6 months in a mental ward. My sister had to hire a lawyer
to get visitation to see our mother after that. By
now my mother was getting very forgetful so he wouldn't allow her to drive
because she wouldn't remember where she was going or how to get
back.
You
could tell her something and she may or may not remember. She had several
strokes. My step-father was now trying very hard to convince me that she
needed to go into a nursing home, of which I told him not as long as I
was living. I would fight him all the way. She was still capable of taking
care of herself except for cooking, and I told him to hire somebody to
come in if he had to leave. By this stage in my life I was no longer afraid
of him and he knew I wasn't and I would fight him in any
court.
In
1996 my mother asked me could she move in with me because she wanted to divorce my step-father finally. I told her that when I got back from my trip to Nebraska she could. I got home from vacation and two weeks after I got home, my step-father calls to tell
me that my mother was in a mental ward. Shock was not even a good word.
Once I saw her I was even in more shock as she had been drugged and although
she could speak at that time she was not very coherent. She had already
been confined for three weeks. He had waited for me to be gone to pull
his crap, because he knew I would never have allowed it to happen. I listened
to his story and I believed him. What a fool to believe that man who didn't
know what the truth was. I couldn't believe that he had her locked up.
He even made me believe it wasn't him that a doctor had Baker Acted her.
If you don't know what this is then you need to research it because it
is very scary and a law that needs to be abolished. I was helpless since
he was her husband. The children were supposed to be notified of a hearing
in case any of us would take her. The only one that knew about the hearing
was one of his daughter's, (his pet) therefore the rest of us didn't even
get a chance to speak. Violation of the law. Yes it was. So what, tough,
the courts don't even obey the laws. My mother finally was put in a nursing
home, which was like a living hell with a bunch of zombies walking around.
He had told the staff that none of us could take her off the property or
outside. The fight was on.... By now my mother is on fourteen different
drugs, each one to prevent something that the other one might cause and
had lost her speech. All she did was sleep. She was losing weight because
they said she wouldn't eat. How can you eat when some damn psychiatrist
has you drugged into oblivion. If my step-father and I wound up there at
the same time it would be a fight. I finally had to get a court order to
give me certain visiting days without him around while I was going for
Guardianship. This is not an easy thing to do fighting a spouse. I was
watching my mother slowly die before my eyes. He even tried to get us to
sign a DNR paper on her. Two sisters did four of us didn't. If you love
somebody do not ever sign one of those. It basically is a death sentence
and don't let them tell you any different. If a person was for an example
to have a heart attack, they do not have to lift one finger to help them.
The homes will tell you they of course will but with that paper signed
they don't have to. The staff was beginning to know our family very well
and hated to see me coming because I always raised hell and watched them
like a hawk. I lived up there practically three days a
week.
If
your still reading I appreciate it and it must mean I have your curiosity
up.
I
watched perfectly healthy persons brought in there except for their minds
and within two months be wheel chair bound or bedridden and I watched many
of them die a slow death, all because some of their families didn't care
what the home or doctors did.
I
first got temporary Guardianship of her body and he got the financial end,
yes this is very different, but then things with my family always has been
different, then I got permanent Guardianship. It took two years. I first
got rid of her doctor's and got a new one, who took her off the drugs.
It was amazing to see the difference in her, but the drugs had done their
damage and the home had done the rest. She could no longer feed herself
or go to the bathroom by herself or take showers or do anything but babble,
although she knows what she is saying we can not understand her words all
the time. They had turned her into a baby. She was first treated for Alzeimers
but the new doctor says it's Organic Brain Deficiency.I'm still not quite
sure what that is. I took her out of that hell home and found her a nicer
place. If I could have gotten her when she was first put in I would have
taken her home, but by the time I won the case it was too late. I can not
take care of her by myself. It is much to hard and would be too expensive
to hire someone to come in. Yes, I checked all the
options.
Two sisters sided with my step-father but the other two and my brother sided
with me and asked the court to give me Guardianship. Two of the children
are his flesh and blood. The one sister that took his side is not his blood,
the other is, those are the two that thought it was OK to sign the DNR.
(Do Not Resusitate)
While
fighting in court I pieced out what had really happened. You have to know
my step-father to know how he was. He knew how to make my mom mad. Like
I said before she still had her senses she was just forgetful. He took
her to this nursing home and told her that it was her new home. Of course
she went off right in the parking lot and hit him, which brought the staff
outside, and the quack psychiatrist and they promptly Baker Acted her.
Our sorry laws make it too easy for things like this to happen and another
one to watch out for is called the Marchman Act.
Although
my mother made a lot of bad choices in her life and we fought a lot, she
is my mother and I love her. I would never wish this injustice on anybody.
I got her too late to bring her home with me but at least I know she will
probably outlive him now which I'm sure he isn't too happy about. I don't
want him dead I want him to have the same fate as he did to my
mother.
Why
am I putting some of the dirty laundry on here for everybody to read. I
really don't know. I hope there aren't anymore cruel people like my step-father
who would do this to somebody but I'm sure he is not the only
one.
I
guess I'm writing this because if you have a mother or anybody in this
situation try your best to convince them to leave and keep on trying. Let
them read this. If you have someone in a nursing home, I hope you visit
and keep up with what they are being giving and research the drugs they
are on. My mother will spend the rest of her life in a nursing home
just because of the jerk that she married, and the drugs she was given.
She knows me now when I go to visit, she seems content in the new home,
but I think about her often and the fun she used to be when he wasn't around.
I can't change anything, I can only make sure she is taken care of, and
remains drug free. I can file for divorce on her behalf after I have Guardianship
of her for two years. Yes, I am going to try to do that, because he has
taken everything of hers and won't allow us on the property and hasn't
asked us if there was anything we wanted. We have given her many things
and would have liked them back, if nothing else but to put in her room.
He has taken her nothing from home.
He
is truly a very evil man. Thank
you for reading this till the end. Please be aware of your loved
ones or anybody you care about.
This story is meant to maybe help you if you have been or in this situation.
This is a long story, but it helps me to write it and I hope you enjoy
reading it.
I
voided out the phony Power of Attorney and told them to throw the DNR in
the garbage and from here on out it was my way or no way, that was before
I finally moved her. I think they were glad to see her go just to get rid
of me.
God
Bless.........
Update:>On December 27, 2002 my mother was found dead at 10p.m. after her husband had been there earlier. My mother was healthy as for as body. I was out of town... only 2 hrs. away when I got the word the next morning. Less than 8 hours after death my step-father and one sorry sister had made all the arrangements to have her cremated. The rest of us had no say so. What happened to majority rules? We got a quick order to stop it, but judge ruled guardianship reverted back to the husband at death. Lawyer argued if he wasn't fit when she was alive, what makes him fit at death. Judge didn't listen. Our laws stink, too vague. If that wasn't bad enough he wouldn't even put the remains in a cemetary for us to visit. We have no idea where the ashes are. No way to do an autopsy either as he got rid of her too fast. Death by natural causes.....I don't think so! My mother is finally at peace and back with my father, where she wished she had stayed as she told me in 1996, and I know she is very happy and in Heaven, a place my step-father will never be.