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Angels Among Us
In Loving Memory of a very special angel
my grandmother, Annie Novell Renton
September 24, 1928 - February 7, 1997
I have a story to tell. A story, albeit
painful, that is mine to tell. I am a survivor of a lost loved one. I lost my grandmother to cancer in
February of 97, a loss that was unforeseen and sudden. My grandmother had been in pain for the last few years of her life.
She had seen several doctors, and none could come up with a diagnosis for her ailments. She would tell them time and again
that her bones hurt and that it was hard for her to move much less, do normal activities. She would joke and say she was
just getting old. She had a wonderful sense of humor. And then you would walk into a room and see her sitting with her bible
in her lap and crying. She would get so upset because she was afraid she had lost her faith in God. But she hadn't. She depended
upon Him for everything she had, including being able to get up in the mornings. The painful moments in her life are the hardest
for me to remember, because they were her hardest ones to bear. And my grandma bore many things in her lifetime.My mother had gone to grandma several times when we were babies and would depend upon grandma for help in certain situations. As a baby, I was lactose intolerant and had many other infantile problems. My grandmother slept on the couch sitting up with me between her knees so I could sleep sitting up and not choke or strangle if I spit up. There were other instances she was there for us, too. My first marriage was an abusive one and after having my first child, I left my husband and moved in with my grandmother while I set up our new home for the baby. She was very supportive and helped myself and my child through this traumatic time in our lives. Even though I kept messing up and going back to my husband several times following this, she always stood by me and supported me, then welcomed me home with open arms once again. She was my own special angel, even then.
The tragedy of our loss was magnified by the fact that she was just going into this special hospital up in Wichita for some tests to find the cause of her pain. She hadn't been there twenty four hours before they told her she had cancer. My mom was with her at the time. Grandma told mom that she wanted all of her babies with her. So mom called everyone, even the ones out of state, and let them know that grandma needed them with her. Once everyone had gotten there, just a few short hours after having been told she had cander, grandma looked around and smiled and then she closed her eyes and left us. Our sweet angel's pain had finally ended. Our sweet angel had gone home. When she left us, she was finally given peace.
At the time I had lived in Washington State for a year and a half, near my husband's family. This was upsetting to my parents and my grandmother to be so far away from their grandbabies. Every time I spoke with them on the phone, they would weedle and cajole me, trying to talk me into moving my family back to Kansas to be near them. I understood their pain, but had moved my family around so much that I truly believed at the time that we had found our little space in the world. I was determined to see my own family settled and thus dug my heels in and stayed put during the duration of that year and a half.
My sons were in their second year of headstart and things started to go wrong from there. My oldest, 4 at the time, was repeatedly dropped off at the wrong address from the headstart bus. Among this and other things in my life at the time, I started getting depressed and crying every time I spoke with my mother or grandmother. So I spoke with my husband and told him how I felt; I thought it was a good time to consider relocating back to my hometown to be near my family again. Needless to say, he had been ready for as long as I could remember. I had always laughed at him and my dad, because they would gang up on my and try to "make a deal" about relocating our family. No way. I wouldn't even consider it. Well, the time had come to re-evaluate my priorities.
We talked and talked and started making plans. However, we kept everyone in the dark; we thought it would be the greatest surprise to just show up on their doorstep and say "We're home." We did tell my best friend, and she had been searching up and down for a home for us, so we could get settled in right away. So we started to pack.
My house was a shambles, and the kids were having a ball helping me make a mess. They were having the time of their lives. We had gotten quite a bit done, and my brother-in-law and his wife were planning to come over and give us a hand and see us off. Then one day my husband comes home from work and says "Come on Jess, we have to go call your dad." We had already had our phone turned off so I wouldn't blow the surprise if mom and dad called. I get really excited and would have told them; we both knew this. So we got the boys in the car and went to the pay phone right there on main street and called my dad. The first words out of his mouth were "Is Chris with you?" "Yes," I said, "Is everything ok? Is mom all right?" He wouldn't answer me for a few seconds, then he told me to hold my husbands hand. I started crying right away, right there on main street. I kept thinking "Oh God, this is it. I can't do this." I was terrified. Then he said the words that would break my heart for a long time to come. I'll never forget those words. He said "It's grandma, Baby Cathy. I'm sorry. She's gone." I didn't understand. It was difficult for me to comprehend. Falling to the ground, and sobbing, I started to deny the awful truth. My husband was trying to comfort me while keeping an eye on the boys in the car. My oldest son started crying, too. My dad told me not to worry about trying to get to her funeral, that grandma would understand, what with me living so far away. "No, no, dad. We're coming home right away", I say. Then I told him of our plans. We were due to pull out in 5 days time and her funeral was that same day. So we spent that day and night finishing packing, me balling the whole time. I kept thinking "This isn't possible. We were coming home!" But God had other plans. My grandma had to go home first. My faith and my beliefs were truly tested in those days of anger and confusion, especially on the trip home. We had problems with the Ryder truck we had rented, had to go throught several blizzards on the way, and had to have several stop-over's due to the storms. I wanted to blame God for all of our failures in getting home to see her. But I knew that wasn't the way it should be. I had to trust Him to get us home safely to be with the rest of our family so that grandma could be at peace.
We didn't make it to grandma's funeral and it took me a while to go visit her. It was so hard to say goodbye. But I know she is safe and loved where she is and that she isn't suffering anymore. I'm so glad she's home where she can be free of the pain that she lived with for that last several years of her life with us. We loved her, and continue to love her. She is with us everywhere we go, in everything we do. She is our comfort, our solace, she is our peace.
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Thank you, tara, for this wonderful plaque!! In memory of my grandmother |
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Thank you, tara for the fairy dust!! for my mom{{{HUGS}}} |
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My mother's poem to her mother
My poem to my grandmother
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